Lady #1: That’s cute. [Gesturing to jungle-print stretchy book cover.] Where’d you get it?
Lady #2: The 99-cent store.
Lady #1: How much was it?
Headline by: peetower
Runners-Up:
· “And what did it cost to install it?” – Jerry Jeff
· “Green.” – sandie
· “The same as one of your “services”” – Numerica
· “There are three kinds of people in the world–those than can count and those who can’t” – Cousin Al
· “What’s in a name, really?” – Rionn Fears Malechem
JAP #1: Oh my God, alcohol kills so many people.
JAP #2: Ok, you know water kills more people than alcohol.
JAP #1: What are you talking about?
JAP #2: You’re so stupid! Don’t you remember the floods?
–Union Square
Overheard by: bob
Guy: You know, they’re giving away money on the T train for being nice.
Bimbette: What?
Guy: The T train — they’re giving away money to people who are nice.
Bimbette: Who are?
Guy: The T train.
Bimbette: How can a train give away money?
Guy: Not the train. The people — the train people.
Bimbette: Why would they give away money?
Guy: To encourage people to be nice. They give it to people who do nice things.
Bimbette: Nice things?
Guy: Yeah, like holding open the door, letting someone have your seat — nice things.
Bimbette: How can they just give away money?
Guy: It’s not actual money. They’re gift certificates to Dunkin’ Donuts.
Bimbette: What’s a donut?
Guy: Are you fucking kidding me?
–A train
Overheard by: this imaginary train you speak of sounds nice
TV: ‘It’s official — Hillary Clinton is running for the presidency…’
Secretary #1: You gonna vote for her?
Secretary #2: I don’t know… I have to see who else is running.
Service associate: You think a woman can handle these 52 states? This is a big continent — you think a woman can handle that?
–Montefiore Medical Center
Headline by: Jason
Runners-Up:
· “At least we knew Monica could handle a big load” – Roxi
· “I mean, really, Debbie could only handle Dallas.” – Mikie
· “If she can’t handle the small “jobs” at home…” – Kenneth
· “Men lying about size? Yeah, a woman can handle that.” – bella
Man, about actress Kristin Chenoweth: You know, she’s only 4 foot 11.
Wife: So that’s why she’s so short!
–Studio 54
Woman (reading Playbill before theater play: Oh, look Sharon*, someone's going to play one of the Marx brothers.
Friend: Which one?
Woman: Karl Marx.
–Lincoln Center
Tourist girl: Oh my god, did you see them? Did you see the lesbians?
Bored guy friend: Yes.
Tourist girl: That was so cool!
–1st & York
Overheard by: Not quite as excited
Ditz #1: Are you applying to any SUNYs?
Ditz #2: What? What’s that?
Ditz #1: A ‘State University of New York.’
Ditz #2: Oh, Michigan?
Ditz #1: No, no, no. What are your safety schools?
Ditz #2: Michigan?
–Death Cab for Cutie show, Madison Square Garden Theater
Overheard by: Jess Cohen
NYU guy #1: But wait, doesn’t Fidel Castro own the Dallas Mavericks?
NYU guy #2: No, no, you’re thinking of Mark Cuban.
NYU guy #1: Oh. What a coincidence.
NYU guy #2: Um, not really.
–Waverly Pl
Guy: You know it was just like…
Girl: Yeah…
–88th & 2nd
