Chick #1: Blowjobs, yeah, it takes practice. After you do it three or four times you get the hang of it.
Chick #2: Have you ever done black?
Chick #3: No, but it’s so disgusting. Just imagine a black…thing in your mouth. Eww.
Chick #1: It is pretty nasty. It must taste really bad, too.
–Uptown F train
Overheard by: Ting
Conductor on loudspeaker: Stand clear of the closing doors! [long pause] Retard!
Loud girl: What did he say?
Conductor on loudspeaker: Yes, I called him a retard!
–PATH train, WTC station
Overheard by: didn’t hold the doors
Guy, watching a toddler have a meltdown on the sidewalk: Where’s Susan Smith when you need her?
–Hudson & Jane
Overheard by: jose clunie
College girl: Mom, I can’t babysit them. Mom! Listen to me! I’m sorry, I don’t like babies. I find we have very little in common.
–34th & Broadway
Lady: I don’t know if that woman ever found her baby’s head!
–King’s County civil court, Brooklyn
Overheard by: kate s
Mother to infant: I’m so glad you’re getting a personality now! You used to just sit there and bore the fuck out of me. I wasn’t sure if I was going to love you! You’re not going to remember that, are you? [to friend] Is she?
–Water St & Hanover Sq
Overheard by: zack
Guy surrounded by kids: You’re all a bunch of savages. Little savages, that’s what you are!
–151st & Broadway
Overheard by: Pants
Woman to baby in stroller: No crying! Crying is unacceptable. I don’t care how bored you are. [to clerk] Does this come in pink?
–J Crew, Tme Warner Center, Columbus Circle
Lady on cell: No, she don’t like anyone. She mean as shit…Nah…Nah…She don’t even like her own children.
–Port Authority
Queer #1: What did he just say?
Queer #2: He called you maricon. It means faggot in Spanish.
Queer #1: Oh, thank God. I thought he called me Mexican. I was about to be really offended.
–Lorimer St, Williamsburg
Overheard by: Ray
Girl: Am I ugly?
Boy: Animal-human hybrids should be slaughtered.
Girl: What?
Boy: Nothing, sweetie.
Girl: Oh. For a second I thought you were being mean or something.
–Roxy cafe, John St
Thug, to his friend: Yo, there are mad bitches in this hood. Why you eyeballin’ me?
–73rd & York
Overheard by: I was eyeballin’ him too
Dude: I can’t believe that sausage fest! There were no females up in that bitch!
–103rd & Lex
Overheard by: robin b
Lady: You know what the difference between her and Lonny is? She’s nice, and Lonny’s a bitch.
–Tennis courts, Central Park
B&T boyfriend, calling angrily out the window of his car: Bitch, I love you!
–White St, between Lafayette & Canal
Man to old blind lady: Watch where you’re going, bitch!
–12th St & 6th Ave
Guy, laughing at friend who dropped his coffee: That’s gravity, bitch!
–49th & 8th
Queer on cell: Oh my God, she, like, worships me…Yeah, I know, I’m totally the best thing that ever happend to her…Oh, no, I can’t stand her. She’s a total skanky bitch, bitch, bitch!
–Peanut Butter & Co, Sullivan St
Girl: This has sterile in it. I can’t buy this; I’m allergic to sterile.
–Duane Reade, 17th & 3rd
Overheard by: mk
American woman, to Arab cashier: What, you didn’t understand what I said? Man, you illiterate.
–Classon Ave, Brooklyn
Chick: I mean, I wasn’t really mentally thinking about it.
–Great Lawn, Central Park
Frat boy: Why do they call it “Steak Shack” when it doesn’t sell steaks?
–Shake Shack, Madison Sq Park
Drunk teen girl, raising her beer: Here’s to independence…and the only country that’s got it!
–Waterside Plaza
Overheard by: David Slone
Teen girl: Rebecca wanted to get brown. But brown is such a black color…Well, not that it’s black. But you know.
–D train
Overheard by: Rachel
Young guy to his girlfriend: Shut your fuckin’ mouth when you’re talking to me!
–Outside of K-mart, Astor Place
Overheard by: snap snap
Woman #1: It’s his second wedding, and he’s having one hundred and fifty people.
Woman #2: Wow, I don’t even think I had that many at my first wedding.
Young woman, toasting: To the asshole.
Woman #2: Oh, come on, your father is not an asshole.
Young woman: Fine.
Woman #2: He’s a schmuck.
–15th & 3rd
Overheard by: Anna
White girl on cell: Wait, you’re watching BET? Well, do you feel black and/or entertained?
–Union Square
Overheard by: Casey
Black guy: So you see, white bitches just don’t understand that I have a big ass penis.
–St. Mark’s
Teenage black girl: See those buildings over there? That’s where I stay. Yeah, it’s nice and shit. I like it. Too many white people moved in, though. That’s why I’m KKK…Krazy Kracker Killa!
–Uptown 1 train
Overheard by: aq
Black guy to white girl: You’d better not stay in the rain too long; sugar melts!
–117th & 5th
Overheard by: robin b
JAP: It’s not like I don’t like his parties, I just don’t fit in. Hello! I’m white!
–8th St & 5th Ave
Black guy: Well I have black friends, but they just don’t understand. You know what I’m sayin’? Certain races, dog.
–LIRR
Overheard by: Jess McGins
Ghetto girl: What was these two white bitches doing in Harlem at 2:30 in the morning? You know how white they was? They so white they names was Ashley and Haley. That’s how white they was!
–Uptown 5 train
Midwestern tourist points to a black guy and says, to his tween daughter: You see that guy over there? You see how he’s a different color than you? You see that sometimes in big cities.
–Downtown 6 train
Overheard by: Gwen
Black girl to black friend: Yo, man, you’re acting like a black person.
–N train, Ditmars Blvd, Queens
Juicer: Oh, shit! We got customers in the store! We gotta stop acting so black!
–Jamba Juice, University Place
Frustrated woman, who has been trying in vain to hail a cab: What am I, black?
–21st & 6th
Black girl to black friend: We never gonna get a cab unless we start hangin’ with some white folks.
–Orchard & Houston
Overheard by: white folk
Teenage girl: But Bob Dylan is Jewish. That’s kind of black.
–Upper West Side
Black girl: Why we gotta be black all the time? Why can’t we be white for two minutes?
–Wendy’s, W 34th St
JAP: I hate being white!
–66th & Broadway
White teen girl: Now I know what it feels like to be a minority.
–Chinatown
White woman to black woman: I feel like I understand the black struggle because I feel I was black in a past life.
–Penn Station
Thug on cell: Black people like catfish also, nigga!
–110th & Broadway
Overheard by: Mappy and Chocolate
Ghetto girl at crosswalk: Ooh, lil’ white man tells me to walk, so I’m walkin’!
–Times Square
Overheard by: bully
Latino kid #1, taking out cigarette and lighter: Yo, stop a second!
Latino kid #2: Yo, if you can’t light it while you walkin’, you ain’t ghetto.
–10th & Ave A
Overheard by: Darry
