Girl: Hey, aren’t you David Copperfield?
David Copperfield: Yes.
Girl: Will you do a trick?
David Copperfield: Not tonight, sorry.
Girl: You must have pulled something out of a hat to get in here. Loser.
–Marquee, 10th Ave
Girl: Hey, aren’t you David Copperfield?
David Copperfield: Yes.
Girl: Will you do a trick?
David Copperfield: Not tonight, sorry.
Girl: You must have pulled something out of a hat to get in here. Loser.
–Marquee, 10th Ave
Teen boy #1: Well, it’s too bad once they have their clothes off you can’t get rid of them.
Teen boy #2: Oh, well I’d be like, “Bitch, what do you think you’re doing? You beast!”
Teen boy #1: Yeah, I guess you can do that. Just like get them naked and then analyze their bodies, and then dismiss them.
Teen boy #2: Exactly!
–86th & 19th, Brooklyn
Overheard by: kelly
Old man, to man who has just sneezed on him: Fuck you, you shithead! Ya goddamn farthole!
–44th & 8th
Overheard by: Jeremy Tortora
Crazy guy: And I’m just gonna take a shit in his fucking mouth.
–9th St & 6th Ave
Overheard by: Zak Santucci
Old man, to dog: Shit already, damnit! Do you hear me?! Shit already!
–51st & 8th
Mets fan: Yo, white and chubby, sit down!
Chick: Just because some loser Mets fan wants an anorexic, Abercrombie-wearing, dick-sucking, slutty cunt for a girlfriend, I should feel bad because you think I’m white and chubby?!
–Yankee Stadium, between sections 37 & 39
Overheard by: another creature
Pharmacist: You should probably re-sign your card.
Woman: Why?
Pharmacist: Well, you signed over the magnetic strip. You’re supposed to sign over the white part down here.
Woman: Then how would the machine read my signature? That doesn’t make any sense.
Pharmacist: No, it’s a magnetic strip. It reads the information, not the signature.
Woman: I don’t think you know what you’re talking about. That’s not how the machines work. You’re a pharmacist, not an electrician.
Then the pharmacist gave up.
–Zitomer, 76th & Madison
Overheard by: Helena
Guy #1: Wait a sec, what train is this? What am I on?
Guy #2: I’m on your mom. That’s what I’m on.
–D train
Girl: Oh, and in French, they say-
Guy: -I don’t care.
Girl: This date has been awful.
Guy: Shut up!
–78th & Broadway
Two 12 year olds knock into a business woman.
Woman: Don’t you say excuse me?
12 year old #1: Shut the fuck up, bitch, ’cause I got my balls in your mouth.
Woman: But… but…
12 year old #2: Aww, bitch, you better shut up, ’cause he’s got his balls in your mouth.
–uptown 4 train
Overheard by: DVI
Asian guy: Yo, nigger.
Black guy: Fuck you. You ain’t my nigger.
–90th St, Elmhurst
Commuter dude #1: The cars on this line feel smaller.
Commuter dude #2: Yeah, it’s like they’re narrower by just a bit or something.
Commuter dude #1: Oh wait; I think people are just fatter.
–1 train, Upper West Side
