Wednesday One-Liners Are Black and White and Read All Over

White girl on cell: Wait, you’re watching BET? Well, do you feel black and/or entertained?

–Union Square

Overheard by: Casey

Black guy: So you see, white bitches just don’t understand that I have a big ass penis.

–St. Mark’s

Teenage black girl: See those buildings over there? That’s where I stay. Yeah, it’s nice and shit. I like it. Too many white people moved in, though. That’s why I’m KKK…Krazy Kracker Killa!

–Uptown 1 train

Overheard by: aq

Black guy to white girl: You’d better not stay in the rain too long; sugar melts!

–117th & 5th

Overheard by: robin b

JAP: It’s not like I don’t like his parties, I just don’t fit in. Hello! I’m white!

–8th St & 5th Ave

Black guy: Well I have black friends, but they just don’t understand. You know what I’m sayin’? Certain races, dog.

–LIRR

Overheard by: Jess McGins

Ghetto girl: What was these two white bitches doing in Harlem at 2:30 in the morning? You know how white they was? They so white they names was Ashley and Haley. That’s how white they was!

–Uptown 5 train

Midwestern tourist points to a black guy and says, to his tween daughter: You see that guy over there? You see how he’s a different color than you? You see that sometimes in big cities.

–Downtown 6 train

Overheard by: Gwen

Black girl to black friend: Yo, man, you’re acting like a black person.

–N train, Ditmars Blvd, Queens

Juicer: Oh, shit! We got customers in the store! We gotta stop acting so black!

–Jamba Juice, University Place

Frustrated woman, who has been trying in vain to hail a cab: What am I, black?

–21st & 6th

Black girl to black friend: We never gonna get a cab unless we start hangin’ with some white folks.

–Orchard & Houston

Overheard by: white folk

Teenage girl: But Bob Dylan is Jewish. That’s kind of black.

–Upper West Side

Black girl: Why we gotta be black all the time? Why can’t we be white for two minutes?

–Wendy’s, W 34th St

JAP: I hate being white!

–66th & Broadway

White teen girl: Now I know what it feels like to be a minority.

–Chinatown

White woman to black woman: I feel like I understand the black struggle because I feel I was black in a past life.

–Penn Station

Thug on cell: Black people like catfish also, nigga!

–110th & Broadway

Overheard by: Mappy and Chocolate

Ghetto girl at crosswalk: Ooh, lil’ white man tells me to walk, so I’m walkin’!

–Times Square

Overheard by: bully

Posted on August 9, 2006
About Celebrities, Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Compliments, Food, Friendship, Gripes, Insults, Manhattan, Music, Names, Nicknames & name calling, NYC Geography, Penis, Politics, Psychic, Questions, Race, Stupidity, TV, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary

Very Well, Then, It’s Harvard for Me

Latino kid #1, taking out cigarette and lighter: Yo, stop a second!
Latino kid #2: Yo, if you can’t light it while you walkin’, you ain’t ghetto.

–10th & Ave A

Overheard by: Darry

Posted on August 8, 2006
Insults, Latinos, Smoking, Union Square and East Village

…He Squeaked, as he Wiped Off His Chin

Girl #1: Everyone always criticizes my choice in men. I get so sick of it; there’s nothing wrong with Tom.
Girl #2: He looks like Hitler, he drools, he’s always whining and making high-pitched noises, and everyone keeps putting him down, and he never even stands up for himself.
Girl #1: He may be a total loser and a freak but he still has some redeeming qualities. Plus if I didn’t date him no one else would.
Tom: Thanks.

–Grand Central

Overheard by: Upstate Gambler

Posted on August 8, 2006
Biotechs, Dating, Grand Central, Insults, Names, Relationships

I Saw Frank Open a Beer Bottle With His Labia

Fireman, telling a story about a female fire fighter: She’s one tough woman.
Retired cop: All firemen are tough women.

–Bar, Staten Island
Headline by: Max North

Runners-Up:
· “And Don’t Even Get me Started on Lifeguards…Bunch of Pussies.” – Lindsey
· “Does This Hose Make my Ass Look Big?” – Bones
· “Don’t Get Him Started on Meter Maids…” – colin
· “Firefighters Are From Venus, Cops Are From Jersey” – Hunter North
· “It Makes For an Interesting Calendar” – travis
· “That’s How the Poles Stay so Smooth” – Syd O’Banion
· “They All Refused Anesthesia During the Sex Change Operation” – Johnny D
· “Which Does Much to Explain the Low Salaries” – Jenina
· “You Should See His Burnt Doll Collection” – Matthew
· “You’ll Never Be the Man Your Mother Was.” – Paul

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Posted on August 3, 2006
Bars & Clubs, Cops, Firemen, Headline Contest Winners, Insults, Staten Island

U-G-L-Y. You Ain’t Got No Alibi. You Ugly! Hey, Hey, You Ugly! Go, Wednesday One-Liners!

Girl on cell: I was like, “Back up, bitch. Get off your high horse and don’t ever talk to me again.” Such a bitch. And the thing is, she’s not even cute. Like, she has no right! She’s a fucking bitch, and she’s ugly! It’s one thing to be a bitch, but to be one when you’re ugly? You just don’t do that.

–19th & Broadway

Aspiring fashionista: I don’t know what I’d do if I had a kid and it was ugly. I’d probably die of embarassment or something. Maybe I should adopt. Can you, like, ask the adoption people to give you a good-looking child or something?

–SoHo

Flight attendant: We will be dimming the cabin lighting, as it greatly improves the attractiveness of your in-flight crew.

–JetBlue flight, JFK

Overheard by: Josh Barro

Father, to kids: Good job, guys! So [the doctor] says you’re ugly, but healthy.

–Pediatrics office, Tribeca

Buff girl on cell: Yeah, well, she accused me of being mean. She insulted this new dress I was wearing at the party and was all like, “Ew that is so ugly,” which was kinda bitchy, don’t you think? So I told her, “That’s because it would look like shit on you.”…Whatever. It’s true.

–NYSC, Whitestone

Overheard by: Karen