Wednesday One-Liners Just Need to Walk It Off

Large bald man on Bluetooth: He got a fuckin' boo boo, that's all!

–Gramercy

Suit on cell: So, I haven't been electrocuted…yet.

–L Train

Elderly woman: I regret that she broke her arm. I do not regret pushing her down the stairs.

–E Train

Overheard by: Pat

Little boy: I hope the boo-boo goes away soon! My staple won't hold that long!

–23rd & Park Ave

Overheard by: Say what?

Guy on train to friend: Hey, would you still date a girl if she was in an industrial accident and had to wear a Darth Vader suit forever?

–6 Train

Posted on June 29, 2015
Accidents, All Wednesday One-Liners, Body Parts, Clothing, Crime and Punishment, Dating, Fat People, Friends, Guys, Health and Hygiene, Insults, Kids, Men, Movies, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Old People, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Questions, Suits, Violence, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

Can Civil Engineering Correct This Lack Of Civility? Discuss.

(nurse with elderly lady on wheelchair comes against Asian American pregnant woman with baby in stroller)
Nurse: Oh my, I'm sorry! (pulls back to let woman and child pass)
Asian American pregnant woman: Oh, I'm sorry, I can…
Senile old lady: Get out of the way, chink!
(infant cries)
Asian American pregnant woman: Excuse me?
Nurse: Oh my god! I'm so sorry.
Senile old lady: Don't apologize!
(nurse backs up and lets mother and child through)

–Washington Square Village

Overheard by: zgoldberg

Posted on June 29, 2015
Apologies, Asians, Insults, Nurses, Old People, Preggers, Race, Washington Square Park, Wheelbos

I Need a Place to Sleep

Drunk frat boy to other drunk frat boy: Fuck you!
Hobo, overlooking: Not if I get there first!

–1 Train

Posted on June 27, 2015
Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Frat Boys, Hobos, Insults, On the Subway, Sex

…but Yes

Kinky girl: Have you ever thought about tasting your own cum?
Other girl: Are you fucking serious? We're in Times Square right now. Twenty people probably heard that.

–Times Square

Overheard by: No thank you

Posted on June 26, 2015
Cum, Girls, Insults, Questions, Times Square

Omg, Like W.O.L.s, Lolcatz!

Girl to another, loudly: Oh my god! Where the fuck were you this morning? I was about to text you, but I realized you couldn't text. And I couldn't text either! And you wouldn't pick up your phone! And I needed to talk to you! But I couldn't reach you! So I just like fucking sat there and screamed for ten minutes!

–B9 Bus

20-something male to friend: I am so MIA right now. I am MIA. Like, I text you, but I am MIA. Like, so many people send texts to me, and I'm just MIA.

–Downtown 6 Train

Overheard by: dallas

Girl leaving movie: Well, I'm sure she'll send out a mass text the second she has her baby.

–AMC Theater 19th & Broadway

Overheard by: Julie

20-something to another: Tiffany, I know I left Jason at the altar…but why didn't he text me back?

–1849 Bar, MacDougal & Bleecker

Laughing hobo to another: That is the funniest joke I've ever heard! You have to text that to me!

–St. Mark's Church, 2nd Ave & 9th St

Overheard by: cody

Posted on June 25, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Anger Management, Babies, Bars & Clubs, Breaking Up, Cell Phone, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Friends, Girls, Hobos, Insults, Laughter, Marriage, Movie Theaters, On the Bus, On the Subway, One-liners, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Questions, Street, Stupidity, The Village, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

And I Haven’t Told My Parents about Us Yet

Guy #1: Dude, I was rockin’ pink American Apparel briefs and brown pants and pink and brown-striped socks when I hung out with her! Chicks dig that attention to detail, man.
Guy #2: Keep it down, man! You sound like a fucking faggot.

–Whole Foods, 14th St

Overheard by: lil pirate

Posted on June 24, 2015
Fashion, Guys, Insults, Store

The Kindergarten Dating Scene Has Gotten So Competitive

Five-year-old boy: I Superman! I Superman.
Six-year-old girl: Who cares!
Five-year-old boy: I Superman! I Superman!

–Flatbush & Atlantic, Brooklyn

Posted on June 24, 2015
Boys, Brooklyn, Default, Girls, Insults, Kids, Superheroes

At Least Wednesday One-Liners Can Cook

Drunk college girl: I don’t mean to have sex with ugly guys but more often than not…

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Lo

Thuggish dude on cell: … You want to look in the mirror and be like ewww, while everyone else looks at you and is like, ooh, you know what I’m saying? When I wake up in the morning and I look in the mirror I think to myself shit, I am one ugly motherfucker, how the hell do I get so many bitches?

–7 Train

Overheard by: Andrea

Dumpy man waiting on line: I didn’t know court was a beauty contest for ugly women.

–Downtown NYC Courthouse

Man fighting with random woman on train: You’re as ugly as the tip of my dick!

–4 Train

Overheard by: Marlon B

Teenage girl to group of friends: Oh! Did I tell you *Jessica had her baby? Yeah, that shit ain’t ugly.

–Cobble Hill

Loud girl: Omigod I’m soooo pissed! Like, she’s so ugly. Much uglier than me. And you know on Halloween, if I hadn’t been bleeding from my vagina and puking in a bowl he would have hooked up with me instead.

–Fordham University

Overheard by: I was puking in a bowl when I heard this too

Posted on June 24, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Babies, Beauty, Blood & bleeding, Brooklyn, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Drunks, Fat People, Fordham, Friends, Gender issues, Girls, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Holidays, Insults, Lower Manhattan, Men, On Cell, On the Subway, Penis, Physical appearance, Questions, Sex, Sorority Girls, Teens, Thugs, Vagina, Vomit, Weirdness

Who Wednesday One-Linered Mr. Burns?

Black 30-something man: And she said, "Nigga, you wanna fuck mah titties wit a gun?"

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Amanda R.

10-year-old boy, very loudly, to 10-year-old girl: Oh, yeah, well…how many guns have you ever held?

–5 Train

Middle aged white man in shorts: Anyone awake at 2 am should be shot!

–LIRR

Overheard by: L.C.

Street performer, trying to move crowd: Okay, let's try this! White people, we are not dangerous! (lifts shirt, pats down sides) We are unarmed! Step closer!

–W 45th & 5th

Man on phone: Right. Right. Wait, what? (in shock) He don't got a gun? Well, he has to have a gun! What kinda game do you think this is?

–J Train

Army dude to friends: People shoot at me every once in awhile. Do I get tipped? No, fuck tips!

–Havanna's Bar

Posted on June 23, 2015
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Bars & Clubs, Black People, Friends, Guys, Insults, Kids, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, Murder, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Penn Station, Questions, Race, Rack, Sex, Shoot, Should've Used a Condom, Stupidity, Time, Trains Not Subway, Vendors & Street Performers, Weapons, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, White People

Who Needs a Television When You've Got the City?

(a soprano is singing an opera aria in her apartment on the 4th floor)
Random man on street (screaming up to the window): Girl, you're not even gonna sing the high note?! Pussy!
Soprano (screaming out the window): Everyone's a fucking critic!

–Inwood

Posted on June 22, 2015
Default, Insults, Music, Musicians, Questions, Singing, Strangers, Washington Heights and Inwood, Women

Insults