Wednesday Hearts One-Liners

White trash woman to angry boyfriend: Stop! I'm in my car and I love myself! I love myself! Fuck you if you don't love yourself! Tyra says to love yourself, and I love myself!

–49th & 11th

Conductor: Passengers, as you all know the New Haven line is known as the Love Line, because of our red colors and red schedules. For Valentine's Day why not buy a loved one a ticket? Nothing says "I love you" like a Metro North ticket! Imagine the look on your mother-in-law's face when she opens up her present to find a one way trip to Manhattan!

–Metro North Train

Sorority girl: And this is a list of all the girls who love Jell-o.

–St. John's University

Overheard by: Peter G

Guy on Bluetooth: What did I say? I said I love you and you didn't fucking say anything back. What the fuck am I supposed to do with that?

–Jackson Heights

Excited black guy to friend: Damn! I think I'm in love, she's like the whole package! She's pretty, she's fuckable, and she can cook!

–A Train

Overheard by: Tim

Little boy leaving the church: Bye, Jesus! I love you!

–Riverside Church

Overheard by: Stephanie

Posted on April 14, 2023
All Wednesday One-Liners, Always Bringing it Back to You!, Beauty, Black People, Boyfriends, Brooklyn, Cars and Driving, College, Colors, Conductors, Food, Friends, Gifts, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Insults, Jesus, Kids, Love, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On the Subway, One-liners, Passengers, Psychology, Public Transportation, Questions, Sorority Girls, Trains Not Subway, Wednesday One-Liners, White Trash

Nine Months is Not Nearly Enough Notice

Guy: What would you do if you had plans and then your sister had a baby?
Friend: Ummm… I’d go be with my sister.
Guy: Well, I wouldn’t.

–N train

Overheard by: Katie

Posted on March 22, 2023
Assholes, Babies, Kids, On the Subway, Preggers, Sisters

Conspiracy to Commit Ignorance

12-year-old kid: Shit, man, dem niggas isn’t shit.
Friend: Mmm-hm.
12-year-old kid: Shit, man… Man, I kill bofth dem niggas!
Friend: Mmm-hm, and I’d do it witcha.
12-year-old kid: Mmm-hm.

–188th & Hoffman, Bronx

Overheard by: why do i go to school in the Bronx?

Posted on March 13, 2023
Kids, Murder, The Bronx, Threats

But They Serve Lunch on Pitchforks

Little girl: Mommy, I don’t want to go to that camp. They worship the devil there.
Mom: Oh, no, that’s just a silly song. Every camp has something silly like that that they do.
Little girl: But Mommy, they sing a song that goes, ‘I love the devil.’
Mom: When you get there you’ll see it’s just a funny game. All kids like to play little games like that.

–Union Square

Posted on March 8, 2023
Gripes, Kids, Moms, Union Square and East Village

It’s the Only Way to Make Law and Order: SVU Bearable

Eight-year-old girl with babysitter seeing mom on the street: Mommy, why do you smell like alcohol?
Mom: Because it’s Tuesday, sweetie.

–Franklin & Broadway

Overheard by: Carleesto

Posted on March 8, 2023
Drinking & Drunk People, Kids, Moms, Parents, Time, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport

At the Back of the Store, Dad Made a Few Quick Purchases

Little kid pointing to box truck: Store!
Dad: Yes, that’s right. That’s a store.

–6th St, between Ave A & Ave B

Overheard by: epsd101

Posted on March 3, 2023
Dads, Kids, Union Square and East Village, Words

Wednesday One-Liners, Plus Puerto Rico

Douchebag college student to girl: The cop looked at my ID and said "Come on, Mr California!" and I was like: "Mr California? Come on! I’ve been here for like four months!"

–G Train

Overheard by: Guy who puts 4 months to shame

Jersey girl: I don’t do Arkansas.

–Tram to Roosevelt Island

Eight-year-old to uncle: Please don’t move to Connecticut… It’s too hard to spell!

–38th & 2nd Ave

Aging queen to record store clerk: Oivia Newton-John’s fine and all, but she’s like 55 and living in Connecticut, so she lost her edge.

–Rebel Rebel Records: Bleecker and Christopher st.

Suit on cell: Do they make you sterile? Can you have sex? When you’re on the pills, can you have sex? You should go to Utah. They have great sex in Utah. The Mormons are famous for it. I think we should have easter dinner at 4.30 at Fekkai’s.

–43rd St between Madison & 5th

Black man, pulling up his pants while being chased out of the library by two Hispanic security guards: I’m sick of dem Hispanics, man! I’m sick of ’em! I love California.

–New York Public Library, 42nd St branch

Overheard by: Jason

Posted on February 23, 2023
About Celebrities, Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Black People, Compare/Contrast, Crazies, Customers, Drag queens, Food, Girls, Gripes, Holidays, Kids, Library, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Multiculturalism, Overheard Style, Music, Nicknames & name calling, Offers and requests, On Cell, On the Subway, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Questions, Race, Religion, Store, Street, Students, Suits, The Village, U.S. Geography, Words, Yeaaahhh College!

Possibly a Reverse Cowgirl

Little boy: Are you from Florida?
Southern man: No, Tennessee, why?
Little boy: You sound like a cowgirl.
Southern man: I really don’t think Florida has any cowgirls.
Little boy: Well, you still sound like one.

–Nelson Ave & 168th St

Posted on February 19, 2023
Insults, Kids, Multiculturalism, Overheard Style, Southerners, The Bronx, U.S. Geography

He Would Get the Last Laugh in Ebonics Scrabble Later That Night

Thuggish 12-year-old kid: I can so beat you at UNO.
Thuggish 10-year-old brother: Fuck you.

–L Train

Posted on February 17, 2023
Insults, Kids, On the Subway, Should've Used a Condom

But He Has Become Invisible to Most People

Drunk hobo, singing: Put a little money in the hat!
Six-year-old boy to mom: Don’t hats come with a bunny?
Mom: He asked for money, not a bunny. He’s a panhandler, not a magician.

–Canal St station

Overheard by: Thumper

Posted on February 14, 2023
Hobos, Kids, Moms, Panhandling, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Words

Kids