Father, pointing out woman cleaning up tiny turd from tiny dog: See, if we got a dog, that's what you would have to do.
Five-year-old son, near hysterics: Noooooo!
–Upper West Side
Overheard by: Harriet Vane
Father, pointing out woman cleaning up tiny turd from tiny dog: See, if we got a dog, that's what you would have to do.
Five-year-old son, near hysterics: Noooooo!
–Upper West Side
Overheard by: Harriet Vane
20-something hipster to another, admiring long-legged blonde: How can you say you believe in evolution?! There is no way that that evolved from a monkey!
–1st Ave & 14th
Overheard by: Evolutionary
Little boy to brother: If I were a monkey, I'd take a crap on you.
–6 Train
Overheard by: Rebecca
Man on cell: Then Tim-Jim jerked him off with his feet. Only a monkey can do that!
–Bedford & Metropolitan
Overheard by: theeatenpath
Middle aged man pushing daughter's stroller: I can't believe she got Curious George's autograph!
–16th St & 5th Ave
Overheard by: Maquaid
Mom: What did that little girl say to you?
Daughter: She said… that I'm ugly.
Mom: Well, you tell her that her mom is ugly. And then you punch her in the face, that's what you do. And then I'll go and punch her mom in the face! That's what you do!
–48th St & Broadway
Mother: What do you have there?
Five-year-old daughter: My schedule.
Mother: Do you know what class you have first?
Five-year-old daughter: Mom, I'm not retarded.
–1 Train
Overheard by: Special K
Thugette, calling back friend's toddler: Come here, you drunken monkey!
Child's mother: Don't call her a monkey!
–H&M Fitting Room
Boy: Mommy, mommy, I want this! (goes to grab rock candy from bulk candy containers)
Mom: Put that down immediately, it has alcohol in it.
–Dylan's Candy Bar
Overheard by: Ben
Coed: When my nipple-hairs pop up, that means I'm done.
–Columbia University
Overheard by: Ladle
Hobo to tiny sexy Asian girl wearing tank top on chilly day: Two nipples for a dime?
–9th Ave & 14th St
Cute gay chick on cell: I am aware that it's pride month, but I still like to keep sharp objects away from my nipples. My gay forefathers did not fight at Stonewall so that I might wear body jewelry.
–4th Ave & 11th St, Brooklyn
Mother to little boy: Those are not meant to be shown in public; nipples are private things.
–A Train
Overheard by: g-lime
Crazy guy, yelling: When I see my nipples in the mirror, I look away!
–Bedford Ave
Overheard by: Zach Rock Steady
Girl on phone: I'm so sick of this! He keeps making excuses not to see me! I feel like I'm being used! (pause) No, really. (pause) I just can't deal anymore! We only hang out when he wants sex! (pause) And his excuses! Ohmigod! They are getting so lame. (pause) If it's not his work or boss, it's his nanny or his wife or his kid. (pause) I mean… what's his deal?
–Broadway & 20th St
Overheard by: Cali in NYC
Hispanic woman: And meanwhile the husband is in fucking Iraq, and she cheats on him with the UPS guy! What can brown do for you!
–7th Ave, Park Slope
Suit on cell: The love, the dirty sex, and the money… It's all going so well, and yet so sneaky. (hangs up, then dials another number) Mary, I think he's finding out… (pause) It's not my fault I am fucking my best friend's wife.
–79th St & Madison
Overheard by: Anna
Girl yapping on cell: It was amazing. I mean, I looked hot. (pause) Yes, I wore the naked dress. He took one look at me and had the "Uh-oh, can't control myself" expression. (pause) No, girl, his fucking wife is in town! I mean, whatever.
–51st St & Lexington Ave
Woman: He cheated… On JDate!
–26th & 8th
Boy, passing smokers: Daddy, I smell cigarettes.
Dad: I know, it's smelly…
Smoker #1: Daddy, I smell obnoxious children.
Smoker #2: I know, they're smelly…
Dad, leaving: Poopie-heads.
–120th St & Amsterdam Ave
Overheard by: smoker
