Married girl: Which means I can't have kids for another seven years!
Single guy: I didn't even know you guys were already planning on having kids.
Married guy: I didn't know either.
–Washinton Square
Married girl: Which means I can't have kids for another seven years!
Single guy: I didn't even know you guys were already planning on having kids.
Married guy: I didn't know either.
–Washinton Square
Three-year-old: But mom…
Sunburnt mom: We'll put you in the toilet bowl and flush ya! We'll send you to china! Where all those people need a family now!
Three-year-old: Nooooo!
–Greenpoint
Girl on cell passing by: That sounds great, honey, but there is no possible reason you'd need to shove an entire lime in the garbage disposal.
–Lafayette & Houston
(tourist lady eats banana)
Ferry bag lady: Why are you eating that banana? You know it's not healthy for you. They say you need potassium but you don't need no potassium. You don't want no banana, it's nasty and mushy. Throw it out. Throw out that banana. You don't want no nasty mushy banana.
(bug-eyed tourist lady continues to eat banana)
–Staten Island Ferry Terminal
Five-year-old girl, sitting in the grocery cart next to her twin sister, as their mother pushes them around the store: You're squishing me like a pineapple! You're squishing me like a pineapple, I said!
–9th St Market
Overheard by: Elle Woods (Chelsea Huckabay)
Old man with Boston accent to prepubescent boy: Squirt that in your nose and it's like you have a blueberry bush.
–42nd & 5th
Overheard by: Anniemal
20-year-old bakery chick: I was in Brooklyn yesterday on 18th Ave. There were three Mexicans on bikes. One was dressed like a banana. So then I walked up to him and I was like: "Dude, you're dressed like a banana and you're on a bike, that's awesome. Can I take a picture of you?"
–Bakery, Staten Island
Overheard by: Traci Cuccurullo
Loud girl: I never wash my fruit! I eat things that have fallen on the floor! And that's why I don't have allergies!
–375 Hudson St.
Overheard by: Harriet Vane
15-year-old girl to little brother: Do you understand? This is not a joke. If you smear poop on my computer, I will shit in your bed every day for the next two weeks.
Little brother: Yes, I'm sorry.
–Central Park Bench
Distressed four-year-old: But why are you walking in front of me?
Father: Honey, I know you're the princess, but that doesn't mean I can't walk in front of you.
–101st & Amsterdam
Three-year-old: I have a lot of M&Ms at mommy's house.
Dad: Yes, but you get more snacks at daddy's house.
–Path Train
Overheard by: Jatmos
Drunk girl #1: Oh my god! Getting married is like playing house! It sucks!
Drunk girl #2: Yeah! I never want to get married or have kids. I have too many mental illnesses to pass along.
–L Train
Hipster dude: Hey, wanna know the best way to not get carded at restaurants?
Hipster chick: Offer blowjobs?
Hipster dude: Naw, we could kidnap a kid, train it to call us mommy and daddy, and bring it with us everywhere when we wanna drink.
–7th & Bleecker
Late teenage girl #1: I was gonna go to college but I got pregnant.
Late teenage girl #2: So did I.
Late teenage girl #1: How old is your kid?
Late teenage girl #2: My kid is four. What about yours?
Late teenage girl #1: She’s three. I should have gone to college. My grades were so good I got accepted to Sylvan Learning Center.
Late teenage girl #2 (serious): Wow, you must be smart.
–A Train
Five-year-old son: I’m mad at you.
Mom: Why honey?
Five-year-old son: Because you wouldn’t buy me an umbrella!
Mom: You never asked for one!
–Times Square Shuttle
Overheard by: Heather