Little kid: Who is you? Who is you? Who is you? Who is you? Who. Is. You?!?!?!?!
Woman: Does it matter?
–Knickerbocker Ave.
Overheard by: anonymous
MTA employee high-fiving another: That's why I always wear my uniform to court. I ain't no thug; I ain't no criminal; I work for the City of New York!
–127th & Lenox
Female suit to friend: Welcome to New York. Have a good day somewhere else.
–Washington Square South
Overheard by: Hey, I like New York.
Crazy bag lady to parents of babbling toddler: Shut your fucking kid up! If you want PC, this isn't the fucking place!
–AirTrain to Jamaica
Barista: I keep forgetting that "New York" doesn't equal "World."
–Grand Central
Overheard by: Chris K.
Girl on cell: A blood draw, a pelvic exam, and a shot in the ass all on the same day… Yeah, well, it is New York.
–Lafayette & Franklin
Guy to girl: The point of the game is to make the other person unwittingly look at your genitals.
–106th & Amsterdam
Ghetto kid to friend: If I was in the middle of sex, I would say I'll come back to you later, play in the poker game, and then come back and bust that nut.
–9th St & 8th Ave, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Rahstah
Worker to partner: You know what I'm going to do since I don't have to work tomorrow? I'm going to turn the volume on my laptop all the way up and play pinball until 1 am. It will be so loud! Ping ping ping ping!
–69th & Lexington
Overheard by: 6th Floor Blogger
Hipster girl on cell: I'm going home to eat and relax first, and then I'll be over to play Tropical Barbie bingo.
–Lorimer/Metropolitan, Brooklyn
Group of little girls to little boy: Wanna play Mormon family with us?
–Brooklyn Botanic Garden
Overheard by: James
(very pretty girl waiting for the cross light to change)
Crazy old man: Yum, you sure are pretty.
(no response)
Crazy old man (excited now): Yummy! I like them pretty ones.
(pretty girl hisses at him and walks away)
Tourist dad to little girl: See, darling? That's how you handle those situations.
–Broadway & Houston
Dad: Why don't you take some pictures of all the buildings?
Little boy with camera: I already took pictures of those buildings. (aims camera towards New Jersey) I'll take pictures of this spot now!
Mom (disgustedly): No honey, that's New Jersey. Nobody cares about New Jersey.
–Staten Island Ferry
Overheard by: I care about jersey
Latina: I don't care what a guy says, I'm not gonna let him piss on me.
–Vesey Street & Broadway
Overheard by: Sam
Giggling four-year-old boy: Yeah, and there was a sign and it said, "Caution: someone peed here!"
–Waverly & W 11th
Bimbo: And he was like, "Sarah, you pissed the bed" and I was like, "Whaaaaat?" and he was like, "Sarah, get up, you pissed the fucking bed!"
–Theater District
Overheard by: Paul
Girl on cell: Alright, fine, but if you pee on me again, we're done!
–C Train
Overheard by: Laura
Guy, in disbelief: You mean you've never been pissed on before?!
–14th & Broadway
Overheard by: Josh
Girl: Would it be considered indecent exposure if I peed in the sink?
–Lyceum Theatre
Girl to friend: Her?! She totally splashes her urine.
–34th & 8th
Overheard by: Ellen
Really pissed mom: And do you know what size unicorn they tried on her first? Medium.
–Macy's
Cafe employee, about pastries: Those look like fairy testicles.
–HopScotch Cafe
Overheard by: bildita
Guy yelling to passers-by: You're all materialistic, yuppie, vampire kings!
–W4th & Cornelia
Overheard by: greg
Man on cell: So Santa Claus will be there?
–Broadway & Wall St
Woman: When she was a newborn she looked exactly like Yoda, and then she grew up into Dopey.
–Penn Plaza
Five-year-old boy looking out of window: Ahh! I hate the sun! Vampires hate the sun!
–Q Train
Overheard by: LoRna
Kid: Mom, can I get some water?
Mom: No.
Kid: I'm thirsty, mom! I'm gonna get a seizure!
–77th St & Broadway
Geeky kid #1: So they were talking about cremation, did you hear that for $10,000 you can get your ashes turned into a diamond, like for your nearest and dearest to wear?
Geeky kid #2: Imagine if your wife wore it while she fucked some other guy!
Geeky kid #1: It? Imagine if she wore you.
Geeky kid #2: The wench.
–L Train
Overheard by: Bea 61
Little boy: Grandma, can I play football?
Grandma: I don't know about that, you have to talk to the coach.
Little boy: Grandma, can I play football if I get an F in school?
Grandma: No, you can't play if you get an F.
Little boy: But what if it's an F for “fabulous”?
–Nostrand Ave
Overheard by: aja
