Do You Take This Wednesday to Be Your Lawfully Wedded One-Liner?

Grad student: Translation: Will you marry me? Or: I don’t want germs.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Ladle

Dude: … My wedding [mumble] gonna take away my clothes, so I’m going to need a tear-away tuxedo.

–53rd & Broadway

Overheard by: Jo

Chick to another: Yeah, he’s the one who wouldn’t marry her because she was too pale.

–Starbucks

Blonde: … And I’m really not sure, because he said he shouldn’t unless we are married, but that it’s okay, we could just do it and then he could just confess his sins or something like that…

–Broadway & Prince

Overheard by: Dan

Lesbian to group: So, what is the reason behind getting married, besides pretending to be heterosexual? Exactly — presents!

–Party, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Jude

Posted on February 29, 2016
Brooklyn, Clothing, Columbia, Default, Gays and Lesbians, Gifts, Girls, Gripes, Guys, Language Barrier, Lesbians, Lower Manhattan, Marriage, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Questions, Religion, Sex, Starbucks, Students

From the Outtakes Of Judy Garland's Scenes with the Tin Man

Man, painted completely silver, to lesbian: I'll cook you dinner if you let me eat you for breakfast.

–Uptown 6 Train

Overheard by: Adrienne

Posted on November 18, 2015
Food, Lesbians, Men, Offers and requests, Weirdness

“Gay Man” Shouldn’t Be Precluded As a Possibility

Girl #1: Why do I always go for the dicks?
Girl #2: Because otherwise you’d be a lesbian?

–Union Square

Posted on October 12, 2015
Girls, Lesbians, Penis, Union Square and East Village

As Good a Jew As You Are a Baptist, Sweetie

Ghetto black lesbian: Look, you are Time Magazine’s Person of the Year.
Jewish lesbian: That is so lame.
Ghetto black lesbian, picking up a card instead: What does ‘shalom’ mean? Does anybody know what ‘shalom’ means?
Jewish lesbian: You are asking the wrong Jew.
Ghetto black lesbian: What kind of Jew are you? What good are you?

–Duane Reade, Broadway & Reade

Overheard by: Just trying to buy some cards

Posted on August 30, 2015
Duane Reade, Jews, Judaism, Lesbians, Words

The Protocols of the Elders of Lesbos

Lesbian chick #1: …so that’s why I’m in favor of putting birth control in the water.
Lesbian chick #2: How does that work?
Lesbian chick #1: What do you mean? You just put it in the water.
Lesbian chick #2: But what if they don’t go in the water?
Lesbian chick #1: …no, the drinking water.
Lesbian chick #2: Oh. That makes more sense. Sorry, I don’t know how those straight people do these things.

–F train

Posted on August 11, 2015
Lesbians, On the Subway, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Sexuality, Stupidity

May/December Wednesday One-liners

Girl: Man, this old dyke is digging on me, but I want some penis
these days.

–3rd between B & C

Guy: Man, old pussy is the best! She has 50 years of dick sucking experience.

–124th & Manhattan

Overheard by: Jason Steinhauer

Queer on cell: Ever since I lost my hair I’ve had 20 year olds chasing me around like I’m an ice cream cone.

–LIRR

Overheard by: Squatporpoise

Girl: Oh yeah, that guy you saw me with Sunday? He lets me watch him have sex with boys.

–NYU School of social work

Overheard by: Maggie

Posted on August 3, 2015
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Alphabet City, BJs, Body Parts, College, Food, Gays and Lesbians, Girl-on-Girl, Hair, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Junk Food & Fast Food, Kink, Lesbians, Long Island, NYU, Old People, Penis, People, Places, Private Parts, Queer guys, Queers, School, Sex, Sex & Relationships, Sexuality, The Village, Topics, Trains Not Subway, Union Square and East Village, Vagina, Venues

What with Sperm at $70 a Barrel…

Woman #1: So, you know Tanya…
Woman #2: Yeah, skinny little thing. What a waste of a fuck!

–58th & Madison

Overheard by: Tom T

Posted on July 16, 2015
Beauty, Diet/Weight, Insults, Lesbians, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Names, Women

And Pro-Life

Lesbian #1: Oh my god, you so don't even have any Republican friends!
Lesbian #2: Yes I do…what about John?
Lesbian #1: He's not your friend. He just flirts with you on Gchat.
Lesbian #2: Oh my god, he so doesn't. He's had a girlfriend for three years. (pause) Plus, he's gay.

–East Village