Queer on blanket: Babe, I can totally have a drink of your water. I don’t have gonorrhea anymore. My mouth is clean.
Woman: Ew!

–Central Park

Overheard by: Keith

Queer #1: So, what do you want to do tonight?
Queer #2: I don’t know, what do you want to do?
Queer #1: I want to have sex tonight!
Queer #2: You want to have sex with me!
Queer #1: No, with a stranger!
Queer #2: Well…we could put a brown bag over my head!

–17th & 7th Cafeteria

Lesbo #1: Cocks are gross. Well, ignore the fact that I look at boy porn.
Lesbo #2: You are the weirdest lesbian I know.

–Times Square

Teenage lesbian: Yes you are, you’re the weirdest person I ever met. You think I’m going to invite other people over when we already have plans, and you masturbate even when you get no sexual enjoyment out of it!
Teenage lesbian friend: I am not a fapper!

–W 59th St & Columbus Ave

Overheard by: that must be terrible

Gay guy: I don’t know why, they just scare me for some reason.
Lesbian: You’re scared of dildos?
Gay guy: Yeah! They’re just…always hard. And that scares me.
Lesbian: They’re gonna get you. They’re gonna come in the night while you sleep.

–NYU Student Lounge

Queer: I don’t want someone to fuck me with their stoma!

–11th St & 6th Ave

Overheard by: Amanda

Gay guy: That girl is such a Rice Krispie.

–Outside Gristedes, Christopher St

Overheard by: McF

Queer on cell: And I said to him, “Take it like the bottom you are!”

–8th St & 23rd St

Gay guy: I just got pounded by the two hottest guys I’ve ever seen!

–58th & 9th

Gay man (getting his hair cut by another): So we went to Fire Island this weekend and we went to this party. I said, “Patrick, you better pee on Jon right now to mark your territory.”

–57th & 7th

Gay man on cell: Oh, morals disappear after 8pm!

–Amsterdam & 83rd

Lesbian #1, indignantly: So, does this outfit look Michigan to you, huh? Does it?
Lesbian #2: (mumbles)
Lesbian #1: That’s what I thought.

–1st Ave & Houston

Overheard by: dignell

Drunk lesbian: Straight cheerleader bitches. I love it.
Girl next to her: Did you just call me a straight cheerleader bitch?
Drunk lesbian: I love you. Fuck you, cheerleader.

–Ani DiFranco Concert

Overheard by: alxie

Lesbian #1: We should start worshipping Satan.
Lesbian #2: Yeah! I bet we could be the first lesbian church of Satan worshippers.
Lesbian #3: That is so hot.

–French Roast, 11th & 6th

Chick #1: I mean, I think we should do it…
Chick #2: Yeah. I mean, you’re gay, he’s gay, and I’m kinda gay…

–St. Mark’s