Mother to two children: Okay, time to leave.
Little girl, trying to push her way through as her brother holds the door closed: Daaaaviiiiid!
Mother to black security guard: I guess that’s just a brother for you.
Security guard looks uncomfortable.
Mother, quickly: I mean, that’s just a brother’s job, right?
–Bergdorf Goodman, 5th Ave
Overheard by: vivienne
Mother: We need to find Sound of Music for your brother.
Child: No! I want to watch Star Wars.
Mother: You can watch this. It has Nazis!
–Kim’s Video, Morningside Heights
Headline by: J Laks
Runners-Up:
· “And Bambi’s About Guns” – dei
· “And Then We’ll Watch Rent. It has lawyers!” – Nick V.
· “But Cover Your Ears During “My Favorite Things”; I’m Not Ready to Expose You to That.” – manisha
· “Gene Siskel Declares: ‘It’s a Gas!'” – erak
· “Hayden Christensen’s Acting Caused Far More Deaths, Though” – s himself
· “Now Put on Your Swastika Armband; We’re Going to See Grandpa” – phil
· “See, Sweetie, Your Brother’s Not Gay; He Just Advocates White Supremacy.” – LC
· “The Promotional Tagline That Never Quite Made It…” – Julie Holt
Little girl: Why is everyone sleeping on the subway?
Mom: They’re bored. Bored people sleep, read the paper, or listen to music. You see that guy over there, the one who’s sleeping and reading the paper? We call that multitasking.
–Manhattan bound N train
Overheard by: Multitasking on the N
Son, father, and mother are standing in a triangle.
Son: Why aren’t you throwing it to me?
Father, holding frisbee: Because you’re not participating.
–Central Park
Overheard by: Rachel Strauss
9-year-old girl: Mommy, please can we leave? This doesn’t even make any sense! It’s stupid.
Mommy: Sweetie, it’s not supposed to make sense. It’s senseless art. They’re making fun of real art.
–Dada exhibit, MoMA
Little boy: Mom! Look, candy! I want candy!
Mother: No, you can’t have candy. Besides, they only put that there to trick you into buying it when you don’t really want it. It’s called an impulse buy. Do you want to be tricked?
Little boy: Mooom! Why won’t you buy me caaandy?!
Mother: Because I don’t love you enough.
–Blockbuster, 8th & Broadway
Overheard by: Emily
Guy: Hey! Where’s my Sudanese pussy from Chinatown?
–14th & University
Guy on cell: I’ll meet you at the corner by the store with Chinese writing…Hey, wait a minute. All the fucking signs around here have Chinese writing.
–Walker & Lafayette
Overheard by: Wolf
Guy on cell: So, if this is true, then Dracula’s native language would be Hungarian rather than Romanian. And I think that is important for my research.
–Anthology Film Archives, 2nd St & 2nd Ave
Overheard by: nosy cinephile
Teen girl: This bag is mad Aztec.
–13th & University
Co-Worker: So, did she mention anything about Mexicans?
–Office, W 36th St
Overheard by: Evan
Well-Traveled girl: Mexico is not a Third-World country. JFK is.
–Tea Lounge, Park Slope
Small child: Mommy, look! You can tell he’s Mexican by his eyes!
–Bodies exhibit, South Street Seaport
White girl, to Asian girl: So wait, is he just not Japanese or not interested?
–Walgreens, Union Square
Overheard by: Goldie
Businesswoman: Well you can’t kill a Vietnamese man because that would just cost too much.
–I Trulli restaurant, E 27th St
Hobo: You’re not Polish; you just think you’re Polish!
–Tompkins Square Park
Voice over intercom: Will the foreign exchange student please come to the cashier.
–Century 21
Sassy chick: I can’t believe she’s moving to fucking Cambodia to live with a fucking cricket-hunter she’s only known for two months!
–TGI Friday’s, 52nd & 7th
Overheard by: Shaina
Little girl, pointing to an ad depicting peanut butter and banana on
bread: What is that?
Mother, looking at the ad for a moment: It’s sushi.
Little girl: What’s sushi?
Mother: It’s Chinese food…You wouldn’t like it.
–Downtown B train
Headline by: Maniac Moll
Runners-Up:
· “愚かなアメリカ人” – Oog Oog
· “1 Billion Americans Couldn’t be Wrong” – Moze
· “50,000 Elvis Fans Discover They Like Raw Fish” – ED
· “And Why Don’t We Like Chinese Food? That’s Right, ‘Cause They Bombed Pearl Harbour” – Brendan
· “Choosey Moms Choose Eel and Avocodo” – PJ
· “Don’t Tell Me What I Like, You Chink Bitch” – Bevan
· “If You Eat the Wrong Part, You Become a Gorilla” – devin the artist
· “It’s Only Chinese if the Banana Is Small” – Oren K
· “Mommy, it Looks so Much Like Daddy’s Cock Coming Out of Your Asshole.” – Extra Character
· “New Study Finds Confusion Prevents Childhood Obesity” – Booters
· “Technically, Honey, It’s Sashimi” – ED
Mother, to young son: It’s not a nice thing to say. It’s like saying a curse word.
Stranger on bench: Fuck you!
–Union Sq Park
Overheard by: the other stranger on the bench
Woman on cell: Ooh, so you’re wearing your birthday suit?
Little girl, screaming: What?! Daddy is wearing his birthday suit?! It’s not his birthday!
Woman: Honey! You can’t say that this loudly on the train!
Little girl, five minutes later: So I still don’t understand what a birthday suit is.
Little boy: I told you already! It’s a suit that dad got on his birthday, and he found it in the car today, so he decided to put it on.
Woman: Yep, he’s right.
–Metro-North train, Grand Central
Overheard by: Beth
