More museums

Box office employee: Would you like to add a ticket for the 3D movie?
20‐something girl: Is it for the movie and the exhibit in 3D?
Box office employee: No, just the movie is in 3D.

–King Tut Exhibit

Girl looking at garbage and dirt spilled on the sidewalk: Gross. You think it’s supposed to be art?

–Broadway & Houston

Literature professor: So anything that anybody ever painted was a Guido?

–NYU Silver Center

Plausibly mad septuagenarian clerk: When I was 16 Stravinsky bought my first painting. It was written up in the paper. A couple of days later, I was kidnapped.

–Barnes & Noble, Lincoln Center

Overheard by: Seth

Father to four‐year‐old son: Looking at art makes your legs tired.

–Metropolitan Museum Lobby

Philistine: I don’t like art in which you have to understand the motivation behind it.

–Outside the Guggenheim

Overheard by: Devoted Puppy

Professor‐type man to group of teens looking at Greek sculptures: And if the sculpture’s back is up against the wall and you want to see it from behind, just get up against a wall and look at its ass as much as you can… yeah! It’s not dirty or wrong… Just look at its ass!

–Metropolitan Museum of Art

Guy on cell: OK, well, be safe. If you get raped make sure he wears a condom. 


Overheard by: Daniel

Girl: Don’t let me talk to boys after I take blue pills.

–31st & 2nd 

Girl #1: Sometimes he like to rape my ass.
Girl #2: Ew! Hee hee.

–outside The Brooklyn Museum

Overheard by: Josh Neufeld

Girl #1: Well, she was raped.
Girl #2: I wasn’t really raped. 

–Vertigo, 26th & 3rd 

Yuppie chick #1: Sweetie, you’re going to get raped dressed like that.
Yuppie chick #2: No. I have an umbrella.

–Delancey & Allen

Overheard by: Mitchell Linetti

Husband to wife: I can’t tell if this is a circus or a zoo.
Random gay passerby: Oh my god! It’s a zoo!
Wife to husband: Well, I guess that clears that up.

–The Armory Show, Pier 94

10‐year‐old white boy: Mom, you know what I’m wondering?
Mom: No, what?
10‐year‐old: What does “shish kanish” mean?
Mom, staring at him: What the hell are you talking about?
10‐year‐old: In that song by Shakira it says she makes a man wanna “shish kanish.“
Mom, shaking head: “Speak Spanish,” Cory. She made a man wanna speak Spanish. Shit, you ain’t never gonna be a singer.

–Tenement Museum

Overheard by: Excuse me while I kiss this guy

Mother, about her hyperactive child: Looooong day. Long day, and too much ice cream.
Hyperactive child: No.

–King Tut Exhibit, Times Square

Overheard by: Sarah

Jersey teen on class trip: I wonder if they’ve got Billy Joel here.
Friend: Dude, isn’t he some preacher in Texas?

–Rock N’ Roll Hall of Fame Annex, Mercer St

Overheard by: stillrockn’rolltome

Guy: Oh my god, no art is worth this. I don’t care if I get to blow Picasso, I’m not waiting in this line.

–75th & Park

Overheard by: Long John

Woman on cell: Why aren’t you looking for some boy to do it for free?

–E 3rd & 1st Ave

Overweight MTA worker with megaphone: Free shuttle buses to Utica Ave. Follow the crowd. Free shuttle buses to Utica Ave. Follow the crowd. No shirt, no shoes: no service!

–Franklin Ave Subway

Overheard by: Jesus Jon

Homeless guy: Free boogers! Get your free boogers!

–8th & 6th

Overheard by: Zack

Old woman with glass of wine and full plate, stumbling out onto the sidewalk: Ha! It’s free! Everyone, free food! Ha!

–Open House Art Exhibition, 106th St & Broadway

Guy giving out free pens: Come on, don’t be shy! Come get your free pens! This is New York City, only thing you’re gonna get for free are these pens and your mother’s love.

–Kimmel, NYU

Wanna‐be thug eating ice cream: Wanna know how much I paid for this? S’free! I stole it.

–125th St & Broadway

Overheard by: EthanK

Hobo stopped for stealing a box of bottled water: But Obama’s President! Everything should be motherfucking free for the next 279 years!

–Duane Reade

Chick: There are so many homeless people around today. Like they’ve come out of hibernation or something.

–Penn Station

Overheard by: isabelle

Chick: I hate this museum. It’s filled with stuffed monkeys who all look like they’re crying.

–D train at 81st St, Natural History Museum