The Cheeky Fuckhole Of Wednesday One-Liners

Guy outside NY Life building: You have to entrance a man with your pussy… or your voice.

–26th & Madison Ave

Overheard by: Seeking Dating Advice

Ghetto guy to date: I eat pussy for 40 minutes!

–The Frying Pan

Overheard by: Aly

Irate woman on cell: I ain't a size two anymore! This shit be hurtin my ass, and my vah-jay-jay!

–6th Ave & 38th St

Girl to another: If you were a stranger, I'd punch you in the vagina.

–D Train

Father to teenage son: There will be plenty more pussy to come, you just need to get your swagger back.

–Carroll Gardens, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Mister Pants

Posted on February 17, 2010
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Anger Management, Ass, Bars & Clubs, Black People, Brooklyn, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Dads, Girls, Guys, Health and Hygiene, Height, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Murray Hill and Gramercy, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Punch, Street, Teens, Threats, Time, Vagina, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

But the Paddle Looks Even Worse

Sikh #1: And then I broke my sacrum.
Sikh #2: What's a sacrum?
Sikh #1: My butt bone.

–23rd St & 2nd Ave

Overheard by: E.S.

Posted on February 5, 2010
Accidents, Ass, Body Parts, Health and Hygiene, India Indians, Murray Hill and Gramercy

New Yorkers Are Notorious for Bungee Compliments

Woman: That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me!
Man: I take it back.

–26th St & Park Ave

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Posted on February 4, 2010
Comebacks, Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Men, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Women, Words

10 Wednesdays I One-Liner About You

Extremely aggressive man, shouting and pointing at woman on cell: Do not! Ever! Refer to me as from fucking Baltimore! I fucking hate Baltimore!

–2nd Ave & 4th St

Female student, anxiously, to male friend: I don't know who they are, but I'm pretty sure I don't like 'em!

–Fordham University

Overheard by: eternal student

Flyer guy: Would you like to see a comedy..? Oh, it's you again! Why do you hate me?

–Times Square

Overheard by: Sara

Hobo to passers-by: Join the He-Man woman haters club! Free membership!

–Park Ave & 31st St

Little boy, pointing with disgust at picture of Jay Leno on hot drink sleeve: Is this George Washington? I hate him!

–Hot'n'Crusty, Upper West Side

Posted on January 13, 2010
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Anger Management, Flyer people, Fordham, Free stuff!, Friends, Gripes, History & Geography, Hobos, Idiots, Insults, Kids, Men, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Offers and requests, On Cell, One-liners, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Strangers, Street, Students, Stupidity, Times Square, TV, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Women

Most Musicals Would Be a Lot Different If They Were Set in NYC

Group of friends, singing: Tell me more! Tell me more!
Soloist: Did she poop on your face?

–19th St & Park Ave

Overheard by: Lotte

Posted on December 27, 2009
Friends, Kink, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Poop, Questions, Weirdness

Anatomically-Correct Wednesday One-Liners

Serious guy to another: See these hands? These are my bread and butter!

–Brooklyn Bridge

Overheard by: Hi-D

Well-dressed 25-year-old on phone: Yes. (pause) Please spare me the placenta. (pause) Okay, well, as long as it's clean.

–Key Foods

Woman on cell: So, she doesn't think her body is going to be ready by then?

–32nd & Park Ave

Overheard by: Publius

Man on cell: I wish I could just take my legs off. That would be so much easier.

–45th St & Ave of the Americas

Loud chick: Yeah, I'm still taking French classes. Last week we did commands, and this week we're learning, like, body parts.

–Hudson St

Overheard by: Harriet Vane

20-something girl on cell: But I have several heads…

–Metro-North Rail

Three-year-old boy to punk girl in black fishnets, as he pokes though holes: Um… why is your legs trapped?

–Thompkins Square Park

Posted on December 23, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Body Parts, Brooklyn, Cleanliness, Clothing, Compare/Contrast, Education, Food, Girls, Grocery Stores, Guys, Health and Hygiene, Kids, Languages, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Murray Hill and Gramercy, On Cell, One-liners, Punks, Questions, School and studying, Street, Trains Not Subway, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

Hey, No Need to Get Your Irish Up.

Indian woman: You can't say “Paki”! You just can't!
Italian man: What about “Paki-bashing”?
Indian woman: Absolutely not! And you certainly can't say it in a fake Indian accent! You know, you need to take a sensitivity course. Just for you.
Irish man: Yeah, you wop!

–28th St & Park Ave

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Posted on December 12, 2009
India Indians, Languages, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Questions, Words

…But That's Your Son, Over There.

Father to son: Son, I love you, fuckface!
Son to father: I love you too.

–37th & 4th

Overheard by: Jonas Puer

Posted on December 10, 2009
Dads, Family Ties, Insults, Kids, Love, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Parents

Wednesday One-Liners Go Directly to My Thighs

Teeny tiny gay guy: I used to be so skinny in high school.

–Staten Island

Teenage girl to another: I mean, why bother to eat anything if you're just gonna shit it all out?

–L Train

Woman carrying baby to friend: Also, I burn an extra 500 calories a day just by breastfeeding!

–5th Ave & 16th St

Overheard by: Tracy

20-something guy, about Sour Patch Kids gummy candy: They're fat-free, so they're good for you!

–4 Train

Six-year-old girl, eating bagel: All of the fat from this is going to go straight to my ass!

–A Train

Overheard by: that's just great

Posted on December 2, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Diet/Weight, Food, Friends, Girls, Health and Hygiene, Kids, Moms, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Nostalgia, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Physical appearance, Poop, Queer guys, Questions, Rack, Staten Island, Stupidity, Teens, Wednesday One-Liners, Women

Stop Fighting This Instant or We Will Turn These Wednesday One-Liners Around and Go Home!

British tourist to misbehaving child: Do you want a smacked bottom now or the other thing when we get home?

–Central Park

Overheard by: birdw0rks

Mom to kid playing on shopping cart: You'd better stop that, or you're going to fall and crack your head, and I'm going to laugh, cuz I told you so.

–Grocery Store

Father to four-year-old son: Watch out, these people are trying to kill us.

–36th St & 5th Ave

Overheard by: benny

Guy to son who is hesitant about seat in theater: If I had been this choosy with your mom, you wouldn't be here!

–Park Slope, Brooklyn

Mother to daughter: I don't want to hear about your hunger pangs right now. Now turn around and look at the sea lions.

–Central Park Zoo

Overheard by: kathcom

Posted on December 2, 2009
Accidents, All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Ass, Brits, Central Park, Crime and Punishment, Dads, Foreigners, Grocery Stores, Guys, Kids, Laughter, Moms, Murder, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Offers and requests, One-liners, Paranoia, Parents, Park Slope, Parks, Questions, Should've Used a Condom, Street, Theater, Threats, Violence, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Murray Hill and Gramercy

The Cheeky Fuckhole Of Wednesday One-Liners