The Best Part of Waking Up Is Folgers in Your Sippy Cup

Six-year-old hippie girl to babysitter: If it’s okay with you, can you take Tommy and I to Grey Dog, please?
Six-year-old preppy boy: What’s “Grey Dog”?
Six-year-old hippie girl: My favorite coffee shop.

–Bleecker & 6th Ave

Headline by: chubba

Runners-Up:
· “By the Time She Was 13 She Had a Favorite Abortion Clinic.” – DR G LUV
· “I Just Get The Cafe Au Breast Milk.” – cbeck
· “If It Was 1908, She’d Be Working in a Textile Factory” – Nate
· “The Lattes Come with Biodegradable Crazy Straws” – Kristen
· “Their Mom Had Caffinated Breast Milk” – Josh

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Posted on May 8, 2008
Boys, Coffee, Girls, Headline Contest Winners, Hippies, Kids, Offers and requests, Preppies, The Village

Wednesday One-Liners Have Been Locked in the Bathroom for an Awfully Long Time

Boy, to uninterested girl: You gotta date me! What you mean you only date 25-year-olds? Do you know what 25-year-old guys do?? They masturbate. All the time. It’s true -my dad told me.

–Fordham Road Subway Station

Overheard by: …as opposed to guys of all other ages??

Girl on cell: They keep doing it, and it’s ridiculous. I mean, they should just whack it off in the bathroom like everybody else does.

–Auditions, 35th & 8th

Chick on cell: What’s wrong with jerking off in the baggage claim at the start of a three day weekend?

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Wild Dog Boy

Surly stocker to fellow coworker: If they keep calling me upstairs, I am not going to have time to eat, or masturbate, or anything!

–Duane Reade, 58th & 8th

Overheard by: I’m busy too

Boy on cell: I’ve never gone all the way with anyone -you know? [Pause.] … I’m just enjoying myself.

–Broadway , Near Columbia University

Overheard by: julie

Posted on May 7, 2008
9 to 5-ers, Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Boys, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Compare/Contrast, Coworkers, Dating, Duane Reade, Girls, Gripes, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Masturbation, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Offers and requests, On Cell, Parents, Questions, Subway stations, platforms, etc., The Bronx, Time, Weirdness

Don’t Get Your Wednesday One-Liners in a Bunch

Young lawyer: My little boy finally made the transition from diapers to "big boy" underwear. On his first day back to pre-school he dropped his trousers and showed the whole class his lightning McQueens.
Young lawyer: … And it created a domino effect of three-year-olds showing their undies.

–6 Train

Overheard by: POLA

Chick on cell: Better underwear than meth!

–Harlem

Overheard by: McFreaky

Boyfriend to girlfriend looking at lingerie in window: It’s kind of cold for that.

–University & 9th

Overheard by: Mary Crippen

Skank: So I’m thinking "Now I’ve got to get rid of those panties!"

–54th & 9th

Overheard by: thats gross

Earnest teen chick, calling to retreating waitress: Do you sell thongs? I’m serious, I really need them!

–Hard Rock Cafe, Times Square

Overheard by: Amanda

Man getting into elevator: … And she was all like "Hi, whatchu doin’?" And I was like "Whaaaat?" I didn’t know what to say, she was all over me, I could see her panties. [Everyone in elevator looks at him and laughs a little.] I mean, come on, we’re all adults in here. What was I supposed to do? Smile? Say "Hi" back?

–Elevator, Empire State Building

Posted on May 7, 2008
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Boyfriends, Clothing, Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Elevators, Empire State Building, Etiquette, Friends, Girlfriends, Girls, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Hootchies, Kids, Lawyers, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Nudity, Offers and requests, On the Subway, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Sensory Experiences, Teens, The Village, Times Square, Weather, Wishes & desires

That Sour Bacon Smell Has Already Given Us Away

Young Canadian tourist boy: Did you just fart?
Sister, sternly: Shhhh Dylan! We’re in America now.

–Macy’s

Posted on May 6, 2008
Brothers, Compare/Contrast, Default, Etiquette, Farting & Burping, Foreigners, Offers and requests, Questions, Sisters, Store

The Sultan of the F Train Has Many Wives

Hobo, jingling change in old paper bag: Damn baby! You are a beautiful girl!
Girl: [Looks away.]Hobo: Will you marry me? I promise you a palace!!

–F Train

Overheard by: Sara

Posted on May 6, 2008
Beauty, Compliments, Default, Hobos, Marriage, Offers and requests, On the Subway, Pick-up Lines

Shallow Parents Have Trouble With Deep Kids

Male #1: I have a daughter that dresses like a hooker, and everyday I yell at her: “*Nicole! Stop dressing like a hooker!” …She’s a fucking cutter too!
Male #2: She cuts class?
Male #1: No. She cuts herself and she doesn’t even do a good job of covering it up either! How the hell does she expect to get a guy with all that shit on her arm?

–Marillac Hall, St. John’s University

Overheard by: Leonard Castell

Posted on May 4, 2008
Clothing, Dads, Default, Friends, Men, Offers and requests, Parents, Physical appearance, Questions, Relationships, School, Should've Used a Condom, Weirdness

I Support a Woman’s Right to Wear Fingerless Lace Gloves

Girl with clipboard: Excuse me, do you have a moment for gay rights?
College guy, not stopping: I love lesbian porn!

–116 & Broadway

Posted on May 4, 2008
Activists, Default, Frat Boys, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Offers and requests, Porn, Questions, Students, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center

Translation: “Die, Shrew. Die! Die!“

Wifey: Did you just see what happened?
Husband: Yes.
Wifey: That’s why you need to let people off the train first before you try to get on.
Husband: Okay.
Wifey: Next time, just follow me okay?
Husband, disgruntled: Okay.
[Wifey starts reading a book and hubby starts reading his morning newspaper.]Wifey, glancing at husband: You really need to clean your ears out -you have a big piece of wax in your ear!
Husband: Thanks for letting me know.
Wifey: No problem.

–N Train

Posted on May 4, 2008
Advice, Body Parts, Couples, Default, Excretions, Health and Hygiene, Men, Offers and requests, On the Subway, Public Transportation, Questions, Relationships, Weirdness, Women

When Your Relaxation Tapes Are Narrated by Woody Allen

Mom: You need to relax!
Teen girl: Why? Because I said “Oh my god”?
Mom: Just relax!
Teen girl, mockingly: Oh my god! Oh my god!
Mom: Just fucking relax!

–Union Square

Posted on May 4, 2008
Advice, Default, Girls, Moms, Offers and requests, Parents, Psychology, Should've Used a Condom, Teens, Union Square and East Village

…But Okay

20-something chick: Besame!
Boyfriend: Piss on me? Really?
20-something chick: No! Besame! It means “Kiss me” in Spanish!
Boyfriend: Oh. Can I do both?
20-something chick: If you were bilingual we wouldn’t have this problem.

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Vicksburg

Posted on May 3, 2008
Boyfriends, Default, Girlfriends, Language Barrier, Offers and requests, Pee, Penn Station, Questions, Words

Offers and requests