Mother: We're getting off now if you can't behave.
Boy (screaming uncontrollably at other boy): I want Jessie! I want Jessie! I want Jessie! Jesssssssssie!
–M79 Bus
Overheard by: whothehellisjessie
Mother: We're getting off now if you can't behave.
Boy (screaming uncontrollably at other boy): I want Jessie! I want Jessie! I want Jessie! Jesssssssssie!
–M79 Bus
Overheard by: whothehellisjessie
Girl on phone: Yeah, I'm here. But I think I passed through the ghetto on the way. Yeah, it was definitely the ghetto. How do I know? It was really obvious: because I saw a sizzler and all the buildings looked the same!
–Penn Station
20-something girl, watching street protest: They better not have closed Popeyes for this.
–M Bus
Overheard by: BHM
Tiny white girl: I just want to go into Applebee's and punch everyone in the face.
–Times Square
Overheard by: that would pass the time…
Girl on cell: Look mom, there's a Jamba Juice. That place is like famous.
–Herald Square
Slob tourist chick to fat husband: I hate my life! Ooooh, Olive Garden!
–Times Square
Overheard by: BarcLeh
Disgusted mother to little girl who picked up a Swedish fish she dropped on the bus floor: Don't eat that.
Little girl, dusting it off: It's okay, I'll kiss it up to god.
Mother: Don't you dare put that in your mouth. You have no idea what was on the floor.
Little girl, putting it in her mouth and chewing it: It's okay! I kissed it up to god! (swallows it) What are you going to do about it?
Mother, angrily: I'm not going to do anything. You're just going to die.
–Q18 Bus
Hipster guy #1: I'm gonna be poor for a while.
Hipster guy #2: Forever.
Hipster guy #1: Forever, yeah.
–Chinatown Bus, Holland Tunnel
Bus driver: We should be arriving in Port Authority soon, hopefully at our schedule arrival time, but it all depends on the Lord of the tunnel.
–Port Authority Bus
Overheard by: Emily
M60 bus driver, under breath, to traffic ahead: Mush. Mush. Yeah, mule. Mush. Git along.
–106th & West End
Bus driver on PA: Madam, don't let your children swing on the hand bars…this is not a jail.
–M15 Bus
Overheard by: bonoboxoxo
Funny bus driver in soft-spoken jazz voice: This is Madison Avenue. If this is you, get out. I wish I was getting out. Does anyone know how to get out? Next is Park Avenue…or it's not. Is anyone listening? Thanks for the smile.
–M16 Crosstown Bus
Announcer on bus (waiting for someone to request a stop): Come on, my line's open. Someone dial my number. Come on, you know the number! (a passenger requests a stop) There we go! Thanks for calling! I knew you would!
–M16 Bus
Overheard by: alli
Woman to toddler: The devil is evil. That's why his name is spelled “d-evil”.
–Greyhound Bus
Cheerful man with baby strapped to his chest: Lets all go stick our heads in the microwave!
–77th & Broadway
Overheard by: rachel
40-something man: They just upped my credit limit to $3,500, so on top of the few hundred I have saved up, I guess you could call me a ghetto millionaire… (later) So she's all depressed and wants to kill herself, says she's gonna jump off something. I told her, "Girl, you live in Duluth. You jump off anything there, the only thing that'll happen is you'll break your leg.
–NJ Transit
Overheard by: He later used my shoulder as a pillow
Girl on cell: What a fucking selfish bitch. I can't believe she did that. I mean, I know she was like depressed or whatever, but you don't just hang yourself at your ex-boyfriend's house. (pause) No, I'm sorry, you don't just wait for everyone to go to sleep, sneak out, and hang yourself so then everyone has to find you like that. What a bitch.
–Megabus NYC
Overheard by: Tina
MTA employee, in between ordering food: They're all jumping on the tracks now. Everybody's committing suicide. They used to wait until Christmas. Now it's every day!
–Restaurant, Kew Gardens
Overheard by: Abbieprime
Driver: Attention all passengers on the left side of the bus, I believe that the reading lights on your side are broken. I apologize.
Lady on the left side: Oh god, now what do we do?
Driver (muttering): Son of a bitch…take a nap!
–Bus, Port Authority
Overheard by: Sitting on the right side laughing
9th grade girl #1: Yo, this shit is mad boring. This school's a damn waste of ma time. Plus, it's grimy and nasty, all the girls have that thing that begins with a “c,” what's it called?
9th grade girl #2: Cooties?
9th grade girl #1: Nah.
9th grade girl #2: Chlamydia?
9th grade girl #1: Yeah, that's it! That shit is annoying.
–M86 Bus
Gay guy to friend: The men in my family die young while the women live much longer. I don't know where that leaves me.
–W 4th St & Bank St
Daughter to mother: There are only boys and girls, right?
–M60 Bus
Math geek to another: I think society benefits more from cross-dressing than murder.
–Outside Tisch Hall, NYU
Overheard by: shaun
Woman to man: You did know she had a penis, right?
–Broadway
Overheard by: Jessica
Guy, to another standing up: Sit down, sugar tits, this ain't our stop!
–G Train
Overheard by: Matthew & Aaron
Guy to another: Hey, how're the bumps on your cervix doing?
–Thompson & Bleecker
Overheard by: office peon
