We Probably Shouldn’t Depend on White Superheroes

Black guy: Yeah, Superman — he hangs out around 42nd Street. He might go uptown every once in a while, but you never see his ass in Brooklyn. That’s ridiculous — Superman can not be killed by bullets, and he still won’t come to Brooklyn.
Black lady: You’re right. What about Batman?
Black guy: Oh, he probably has to come through Brooklyn — you know, that brother lives out on Long Island.
Black lady: He probably comes through Brooklyn, but you know he’s not getting out of that Batmobile.
Black guy: I’m sure he’s damn careful when he stops, too. Those are some ballin’ rims he’s got on that whip. If he ever parked, them shits would definitely get stolen!

–3 train

Overheard by: Chris

Posted on July 18, 2015
Black People, Crime and Punishment, On the Subway, Weirdness

And Even Then, The Men Came First

Guy: There is this guy who says that men and women are from different planets.
Girl: Oh, Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus. It’s just a metaphor.
Guy: Oh, right. They came on meteors.

–L train

Overheard by: Jason D. Schwartz

Posted on July 17, 2015
Books & Writing, Dating, On the Subway, Stupidity

Can You Hear Wednesday One-Liners Now?

Judge to room packed with prospective jurors: I am going to give you a number to call in case of an emergency. You should copy this down. The number is 917-480… (pause) Oh shit! (mic becomes muffled). Um, sorry. That was my cell phone number.

–Supreme Court Building

Woman on cell: Our codependent lewdity shall rage on, Verizon! Take that!

–113th & Broadway

Overheard by: McF

Hipsterette to another: Well, you shouldn't have to sleep with someone to find out if he's going to call you back.

–Coffee Shop, Park Slope

Overheard by: TheGreenCat

Conductor: There is a C train just across the platform. For those of you who have a sudden urge for a change of plans and wish to abandon your plans to go to Park Slope tonight, you can hop off here and take the C to East New York. I hope you have a phone to call your family, you won't be home for dinner!

–F Train

Overheard by: Staying on the F

Girl in bathroom stall on cell: Okay, my phone is dying, I will call you later. (pause) Call you from a payphone? I don't know how to use one of those.

–School, Lower Manhattan

Well-dressed woman walking tiny dog, yelling into cell: You know what, John? You can e-mail, don't even call me. I don't want you on my phone. (pause) Hello?

–Columbus Circle

Posted on July 17, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Cell Phone, Columbia University, Conductors, Directions, Family Ties, Girls, Hipsters, Home, Sweet Home, Insults, Internet, Lawsuits, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Park Slope, Passengers, Public Transportation, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, School, Sex, Street, Stupidity, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women, Words

I Liked the Music, but Not the Sodomy

Boyfriend: I used to really love South Pacific.
Girlfriend: Of course you did.
Boyfriend: I think I used to be gay when I was little.

–Manhattan-bound N train

Posted on July 17, 2015
Couples, Gays and Lesbians, Movies, Nostalgia, On the Subway

Wednesday How Many Liners?

Cute guy to German flight attendant on layover: So, do you have cars in Germany?

–Barracuda

Overheard by: barkeeper

Girl: So, my mom is Jewish and my dad is Christian. Does that make me, like, bi-racial?

–Eugene Lang College

Overheard by: Still ashamed I go to school here

Hispanic high school girl: Is the Fourth of July always on a Friday?

–N Train

Overheard by: D-Law

Guy to friend: Well, that's nice, they have these machines set up for the visually impaired, but what about the deaf people?

–ATM, 38th St & Madison Ave

Overheard by: jennyooooo

Student: Is Swedish even a language?

–Columbia University

Trucker: What are you, stupid, or both?

–M86 Crosstown Bus

Posted on July 17, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bars & Clubs, Bus, Cars and Driving, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, College, Columbia, Columbia University, Conductors, Family Ties, Flight Attendants, Foreigners, Friends, Girls, Guys, Handicaps, Insults, Languages, Latinos, Murray Hill and Gramercy, On the Bus, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Questions, Race, Religion, Students, Stupidity, Time, Wednesday One-Liners

Exciting New Ways to Relate

Gangsta #1: I’m telling you man, you don’t have to slap the bitch, you just got to spit on her couple times a week.
Gangsta #2: Yeah?
Gangsta #1: Yeah, you don’t wanna leave no bruises cause her moms will fuck you up, but if you spit on her a couple times, she’ll quit willyin’.

–D train

Overheard by: Tim C

Posted on July 17, 2015
Anger Management, Gangstas, On the Subway, Relationships, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Violence

Bow, a Beer, a Redneck Beer; Ray, Your Incest-Begotten Son…

Hick tourist #1: Why don’t we get off at the next stop… Bow Ray? Bow Ray?
Hick tourist #2: Bowery.

–Brooklyn-bound J train, approaching Canal St

Overheard by: there’s no e in tracy

Headline by: Jatmos

Runners-Up:

· “1 child left behind” – Reekuhhhh!

· “And ‘SoHo’ Has a Whole Other Meaning Once You’ve Crossed the Mason-Dixon” – julietaroja

· “From the people who brought you nuc-u-lar” – Krisztina

· “Hicked on Phonics did not work at all” – Darvio Harvo

· “If at first you don’t succeed, try the exact same thing again” – Nathan Logan

· “It’s never too early for a Steve Irwin joke.” – hauptman

· “Same situation, but the passerby would call them “Cletus”” – Julie

· “They should probably take off those white hoods before stepping foot in the poetry club.” – erak

· “Tomato, tomater” – Lennyb

· “That sounds kinda gay, Cletus.” – Rich Anderson

· “Why didn’t we let them secede again?” – Nathaniel

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Posted on July 16, 2015
Directions, Headline Contest Winners, On the Subway, Rednecks, Tourism

Pushy & Pushier: A NYC Subway Romance

Woman: Excuse me. Excuse me!
Big guy: Sorry miss, the train’s crowded.
Woman: No, I don’t care! I do not need you on top of me.
Big Guy: …maybe you do.

–A train

Posted on July 16, 2015
Ahhh! Real New Yorkers, Horny, On the Subway

Football Teams Do It All the Time

Teen girl #1: Oh my god, I wanna be on Made!
Teen girl #2: Like the tv show?
Teen girl #1: But everything has been done already.
Teen girl #3: They could make you into a lesbian.

–4 train

Posted on July 15, 2015
On the Subway, Pop Culture, Queers, Teens, TV

Live Fast, Die Young, Get Lost on the Way to Hoboken

Bassist: This is going to Jersey, right?
Bandmate: Yeah, no one would let us go this far if we weren’t.
Bassist: Yeah, we’re going to Hoboken.
Bandmate: Is Hoboken a city?
Bassist: No, it’s a street or avenue.
Bandmate: Hoboken Street, yeah.
Bassist: Yeah, we’re definitely going to Jersey. Someone would tell us if we weren’t.

–Crowded Brooklyn-bound L train

Overheard by: brooklyn3

Posted on July 15, 2015
Directions, Idiots, Musicians, NYC Geography, On the Subway, Stupidity, Talking/Convos

On the Subway