Southern girl: I got guys asking me to send them pictures of my cooter. It’s like guys know when you’re taken; they flock to you like bees to moldy bread.
–3 train
Southern girl: I got guys asking me to send them pictures of my cooter. It’s like guys know when you’re taken; they flock to you like bees to moldy bread.
–3 train
Drunk dude #1: I have a great job.
Drunk dude #2: Yeah, but I get a lot of vacation time.
Drunk dude #1: Oh, yeah? Remember those two days I took off last week? Those were free days because they didn’t even notice I wasn’t there!
–2 train
Overheard by: Hobo Whisperer
Man: Ohmigod! I hate people that are like “I have boy issues because my dad molested me.”
Woman: Ohmigod, I know! It's like people who are like “I can't go to the gym because I have my period.”
–Downtown 1 Train
Father: Do you want some juice now? Want juice?
Two-year-old boy: Be patient.
–G train
Cute Asian girl: I feel like I'm in high school again, except the person I'm dating is female and a really good kisser, and the guy I'm plotting to seduce is my professor. What's wrong with my life?
Friend: I think you need to either learn to live without penis, or realize that kissing men isn't scary.
Cute Asian girl: Kissing women is scary too! But I happen to really enjoy kissing Christina.
Friend: Okay, so if you want to do your professor so badly, don't you think he might be a good kisser too?
Cute Asian girl: There are so many things you can do with a guy that don't involve kissing…
Friend: Again… Get over penis or start kissing men!
Cute Asian girl: It isn't that simple!
–Uptown 2 Train
Man handing out his CD: Scuze me, you like authentic Latino music? (woman flinches)
I ain't gonna bite you. Neither is the CD. Unless you're bitten with the sweet beat of salsa.
–2 Train
Older guy to younger date: So last night, right, I was a little drunker than I wanted to be and I was listening to those Beethoven and Mozart symphonies to, you know, really try to hear the difference between them…
–Uptown A Train
Woman walking out of a Chekhov play: Ugh! That was like taking a Tchaikovsky and playing it as if it were a Beeeeeethoven.
–Theatre District
Overheard by: Greer Feick
Happy older musician: I'm playing at the memorial concert for Ricky B*. Johnny T* was going to do it, but he died. I'm the go-to replacement when someone scheduled to play at a tribute concert dies.
–19th & 7th
Overheard by: tycho anomaly
Man on cell: Did you get the tickets? (pause) Eighty dollars to see a green bitch sing!?
–Chineese Restaurant, Columbus Ave
Girl to friend: So last night I hit myself in the eye with my broom while baking lasagna, drunk.
–Blarney Stone Pub
Suit on cell: Oh man, you should definitely ice and elevate that shit.
–AMC Lowes, 68th & Broadway
Overheard by: Jessica Segal
Man in wheelchair to woman pushing him: Remember when I hit that stroller head on and the kid passed out?
–33rd b/w 7th & 8th
Conductor on speaker: Please bring the first aid kit to car three, please bring the first aid kit to car three, a passenger has a bite.
–Train Leaving Penn Station
Teen to friend: And that’s how I got my penis stuck in a pencil sharpener.
–Stuyvesant High School
Black guy #1: You know that statue, right? You know, the British… The British gaved the Statue of Liberty to New York. The British gaved the statue to America. To commemorate the Civil War. But they don’t tell you that. They don’t talk about that.
Black guy #2: Yep.
Black guy #1: And you know it was black, when the statue got here. It was black. And it had chains ’round it.
Black guy #2: Yep.
–F train, York St
Girl: That’s funny, I thought you were a finance major.
Guy: I couldn’t stand it. It’s like… numbers and shit.
–6 train
Girl: He had Tetris.
Guy: Tetris?
Girl: You know, when you twitch involuntarily.
Guy: Oh, you mean Tourette's syndrome!
–6 Train
