Wednesday One-Liners Are Up Shit's Creek

Three-year-old boy, refusing to get in stroller: Shit! Shit! Shit, mommy! Shit!

–Chelsea Market

Overheard by: Sarah

Young boy, yelling after hearing Jesus freaks preach: What a bunch of shit that is!

–7th Ave & 33rd St

Overheard by: Colleen

Hobo drinking Red Bull: This is Red Bull shit!

–Penn Station

Overheard by: RevolutionSuzi

30-something lady on cell: I'm gonna be shitting my brains out later.

–Astoria

Seasoned-looking guy, watching hobo pee in the middle of a subway car: I ain't never seen that shit before. That shit is brand new!

–4 Train

Overheard by: i will be traumatized forever

Menacing black woman on phone: I'mma go home and shit on my girlfriend's China.

–Pratt Institute

Overheard by: Penelope

Posted on March 25, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Astoria, Black People, Body Parts, Boys, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, College, Drinks, Gays and Lesbians, Guys, Hobos, Home, Sweet Home, Insults, Kids, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Pee, Penn Station, Poop, Religion, Should've Used a Condom, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Baby, You Can Drive My Wednesday One-Liner

Teenage girl to friends: How many babies can you squish into an oversized Ferrari?

–W 77th & Central Park West

Overheard by: Teddy Nicholas

Bartender: Can you imagine living somewhere where you actually have to drive home after work?

–Vintage Restaurant, Hell's Kitchen

Overheard by: GretaGarbo86

Dude eating lunch with friends: Man, I hate to say it, but I love driving drunk.

–Restaurant, Bleecker & Lafayette

Gay black man to another: First of all, that fender bender you had a block away from your house was not a car accident. My three-car-pile-up was a car accident!

–A Train

Six-year-old to mom: What? An actual person who drinks and drives and she's famous? She's been in movies and she drinks and drives?! What is happening to this world?

–13th St & 5th Ave

Random wannabe thug: Yo, we seen a NYPD car get hit by a harpoon!

–Montgoris Dining Hall, St. John's University

Overheard by: Craig

Posted on March 25, 2009
Accidents, All Wednesday One-Liners, Babies, Bartenders, Black People, Cars and Driving, College, Compare/Contrast, Cops, Drinking & Drunk People, Gangstas, Girls, Guys, Home, Sweet Home, Kids, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, Movies, On the Subway, One-liners, Queer guys, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Street, Teens, The Village, Thugs, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Advil Commercials Are Getting Edgier Than Ever

Guy waiting for train: Yeah, my sister-in-law was hit by the f train.
Friend: What?
Guy: She was leaning out and…bam! It hit her in the back of the head! She had to get like 15 staples.
Friend: Is she okay?
Guy: Well, she had a headache.

–F Train

Overheard by: Denah

Posted on March 24, 2009
Accidents, Family Ties, Friends, Guys, On the Subway, Public Transportation, Weirdness

The Who Boys?

Young black woman #1: So I had to go to concerts and promote other concerts.
Young black woman #2: What concerts?
Young black woman #1: People you never heard of. Brian Wilson. He used to be with The Beach Boys.

–A Train

Posted on March 23, 2009
Black People, Movies, On the Subway, Questions, Stupidity, Women

…Conspiring to Bring About Their Own Destruction

Crazy old black dude: I never heard of a white Taliban CIA.
Crazy young black dude: Yeah?
Crazy old black dude: Yeah. But now you know they out there.

–J Train

Overheard by: *c

Posted on March 22, 2009
Black People, Crazies, Government, Guys, On the Subway, Race, Terrorism, Weirdness

Why Doctors Treat Patients Like They're Idiots

Woman: Your doctors told us not to let you have any alcohol, because of your medication.
Elderly woman: Okay. I'll just have beer then.

–F Train

Overheard by: Mae

Posted on March 22, 2009
Drinking & Drunk People, Health and Hygiene, Medicine, On the Subway, Women

Shows What You Know– Mold Doesn't Grow in High-Traffic Areas

Girl to friend: Ew, it smells like mold in here!
Random queer: Well, maybe you should close your legs.

–1 Train

Posted on March 21, 2009
Comebacks, Friends, Girls, On the Subway, Public Transportation, Queer guys, Scents of the City, Sensory Experiences, Vagina

Wednesday One-Liners Are Pelving Thrusting in Your Direction

Woman to friend: I woke up, and he was fucking my ear! Fucking my ear! Fuck. Ing. My. Ear!

–Walker & Canal

Overheard by: office peon

Girl on cell: So yeah, he just kinda turned to her, handed her some napkins and told her to prepare herself for a good fingering.

–New Jersey Transit

Girl in school hallway: Nasty little tenth graders having sex in the stairwells…

–Bard High School Early College

Guy to another: There's only three things people need in this world. Sex. Food. (pause) Yeah, okay, that's it.

–125th & Lexington

Student #1: (makes elaborate point with with ample hand gesticulation)
Student #2: Oh wow. You just made love to me with words.

–113th & Broadway

Crazy lady: Santa ain't comin' to Brooklyn! And I'll be drunk tomorrow, don't you ring my bell! (gets off train and leaves bag. 20-something guy gives it to her) Have we had sex before!? We should have sex! I like you! (doors start closing) We should really have sex!

–C Train

Posted on March 18, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Body Parts, Chinatown, College, Columbia University, Compare/Contrast, Crazies, Drinking & Drunk People, Ew, Jersey, Food, Foreplay, Friends, Girls, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Pick-up Lines, Public Transportation, School and studying, Sex, Street, Students, Train Station, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women, Words

Wednesday Pleads Down to One-Liners

Thuggish Asian watching Cops in store window: Yo, the one without the shirt is always guilty.

–College Point

Teen girl on cell: I tried biting some people, I got arrested.

–R Train

Overheard by: Jon

Very loud and drunk crackhead to friend: I don't care who you are. Everybody goes to jail some time.

–Hoyt & Warren, Brooklyn

Pharmacist on phone: Oh my, is she okay? (pause) That's when you got arrested on the plane?
(pause) At Fort Dix!?

–Drugstore, 6th Ave

Overheard by: Transit161

Friend to another, yelling across street: Good luck with your rape case…I know it wasn't you!

–Centre & Grand

Overheard by: jzjmrdangerdowntown

Small boy, singing to himself: Goodbye, everybody say goodbye… To Chris Brown…'cuz he smacked a woman and he's going to jail.

–Barnard College

Posted on March 18, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Asians, Assholes, Brooklyn, Chinatown, Clerks, Clothing, Columbia (& Barnard), Crime and Punishment, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Friends, Girls, Kids, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Physical appearance, Prison, Queens, Questions, Rape, Singing, Store, Teens, Thugs, TV, Violence, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Let's Chip in and Get Wednesday One-Liners a GPS for Christmas

Confused American: I used to think Atlantic City was in Atlantic State.

–Downtown A Train

Overheard by: MBS

Drunk guy: I don't understand why people are giving Sarah Palin so much grief over that Russia thing. It really *is* pretty close to Alaska.

–W 66th St

Overheard by: Emily B.

Anti-McCain dude to another: Man, Sarah Palin is crazy. Yo, she's just crazy. Why did John McCain even pick her? She's not even an American citizen, she's Alaskan!

–The Bronx

Nervous white lady: Um, is the Broadway/Lafayette stop coming up soon?

–Uptown 1 Train

UPS guy to lost tourists: I'm not a GPS! I'm the UPS!

–Prince & Lafayette

Overheard by: dee

Posted on March 18, 2009
Ahhh! Real New Yorkers, All Wednesday One-Liners, Crazy, Democrats, Directions, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Guys, On the Subway, One-liners, Only in New York, Politics, Public Transportation, Questions, Soho, Street, Stupidity, The Bronx, Tourism, Tourists, U.S. Geography, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, White People, Women

On the Subway