Wednesday One-Liners Have Never Been Married… Just Sayin’

Old queer: You won’t believe your eyes in Plainfield. There’s not one heterosexual in Plainfield.

–75th & Columbus

Amazed nerd teen: They did this study on women who are ovulating, and even in gay bars when they’re ovulating they get way more dick.

–S’nice Coffee Bar, 14th St & 8th Ave

Big black girl: So being gay, when a straight person says, "You can stay over with me, but I’m not inviting you to touch me…" No, girl! You *are* inviting me to touch you.

–C Train

Overheard by: Lemuel

Random guy in stall next me: It’s a cluster fuck… Out there, not here, you don’t think I’m gay, do you?

–JFK Bathroom

Guy with to few friends: I’m the most homophobic gay man ever.

–Staten Island Perkins Diner

IT manager: Do you know how long ago 1984 was? I was straight!

–915 Broadway, Manhattan

Overheard by: Sarah

Posted on April 16, 2008
9 to 5-ers, All Wednesday One-Liners, Bars & Clubs, Black People, Compare/Contrast, Dorks, Geeks and Nerds, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, JFK Airport, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Old People, On the Subway, Queer guys, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Science, Sex, Sexuality, Soho, Stall Spies, Staten Island, Teens, U.S. Geography, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wishes & desires, Words

Hot Wednesday-on-Wednesday One-Liners

Random guy, singing loudly: Leeeesbian seagull!

–South Street Sea Port

Overheard by: Ger-Man in New York

Thug: Shit! I have to get my teacher a present. Its so hard. She’s like butch… You know what I’m saying? Shes got short hair and don’t wear earrings -like that chick [points to a woman who can obviously hear the conversation and looks affronted.] Yeah lady, you like the pussy!

–F Train

Drunk girl: You wanna know why I’m a lesbian? When I was crawling out of my mothers vagina I tasted that shit. And that shit was good. I just had to keep going back for more.

–Odessa’s, Ave A

Overheard by: Dannia Alfonso

Hardcore lesbian tourist #1 to hardcore lesbian tourist #2: Hey! Beaver Street! Let’s eat down there.

–Beaver St , Hanover Square

Overheard by: WallStGuy

Black teen punk girl, arguing with boyfriend: No, I’m gonna go become a lesbian now. Big. Huge. Les. Bo.

–V Train

Overheard by: Jon A.

Buff guy: But now they’ll know I’m a lesbian.

–Christopher & Bleecker

Overheard by: Colleen

Posted on April 16, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Birds, Black People, Drunks, Family Ties, Fears, Gays and Lesbians, Gifts, Girls, Guys, Lesbians, Offers and requests, On the Subway, Physical appearance, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Punks, Questions, Singing, Teens, The Village, Threats, Thugs, Tourists, Union Square and East Village, Vagina, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Weirdness, Words

Edwar Ramirez Threw a Puck Right Past Henrik Lundqvist

Businessman #1: Have you ever rode on the subway before?
Businessman #2: Yeah, last time I was here, we took it to a Yankee game. I think they were playing that other New York team, the Rangers.

–6 Train

Overheard by: Stef

Posted on April 14, 2008
Default, Names, On the Subway, Public Transportation, Questions, Sports, Stupidity, Suits

But He Didn’t Taste Cute at All

Blonde girl: So, like, how was the sex?
Skank: It was great until he asked me to lick his asshole.
Blonde girl: Um, did you?
Skank: Well, yeah. He even paid me.
Blonde girl: Um, isn’t that prostitution?
Skank: Well, I met him in a bar and I thought he was cute…

–A Train

Overheard by: Ben Dover

Posted on April 14, 2008
Asshole, Beauty, Default, Girls, Licking, Money & Class, On the Subway, Questions, White Trash

Hope That Makes It into the House Blooper Reel

30-ish guy: So how was work today?
20-ish girl: It was hilarious. This guy named Wilson was sitting on a chair, and his shoes fell off.

–L Train

Overheard by: Derek

Posted on April 14, 2008
Accidents, Default, Girls, Guys, Laughter, On the Subway, Questions, Weirdness

No Sense of Humor

Guy #1: I mean, what I really like about Kelly is that she is really funny…I mean actually, really funny.
Guy #2: Yeah… You usually get that with Jew girls.
Guy #1: Yeah man… Man, what was Hitler thinking?

–4 Train

Overheard by: Liz

Posted on April 13, 2008
Compliments, Default, Guys, Hitler/Nazis, Judaism, On the Subway, Questions

Don’t Hate the Yoplait, Hate the Yoplaya

College chick #1: He told me afterwards that he hadn’t masturbated all week but seriously, he came so much that it was oozing out of the base of the condom.
College chick #2: That’s so gross.
College chick #1: Yeah but that’s not the worst part, it had the consistency of yogurt.
College chick #2, awed: Man, yogurts…
College chick #1: Yeah it was kinda inspiring. Only also kinda horrible.
College chick #2: Wait, if the cum was coming out of the condom, doesn’t that mean you might get pregnant?
College chick #1: Yeah I guess, but I feel like that sperm kinda earned it, you know? I dunno if I could complain with sperm that um, fortitudinous.
College chick #2: Good word.

–1 Train

Overheard by: Vicksburg

Posted on April 11, 2008
Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Condoms, Cum, Food, Masturbation, On the Subway, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Sorority Girls, Words

Who Knew Getting to Grandmother’s House Would Be This Hard?

Chick, a little buzzed: Fleetwood, crestwood, woodlawn … There’s so much wood on this train I can’t concentrate.
Boyfriend: [stares at her wide-eyed].
Chick: Oh my god, did I just say that?
Boyfriend: Yes, and at least five guys heard it.
Random guy: I’m one.

–Metro North

Overheard by: I’m two

Posted on April 10, 2008
Boyfriends, Default, Girlfriends, Gripes, On the Subway, Questions, Strangers, Weirdness, Words

Only with a “Ph”, Mommy

Little girl: Mommy, when were you skinny? High school? College?
Average-build mother: Yeah, both. Why? Do you think I’m fat?
Little girl: Ummm…

–2 Train

Posted on April 10, 2008
Default, Diet/Weight, Kids, Moms, On the Subway, Physical appearance, Questions

4 Out of 5 Dentists Prefer Wednesday One-Liners

Sleazy guy: I love going to my dentist, the new one. The hygienist holds my hand while they’re giving me a shot. She talks to me. She pets me like a chinchilla. It’s fantastic.

–Elevator, 360 Park Avenue South

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Old man with pet lizard: Thirty-four years ago we got married. She had dental coverage. It’s very easy to find a girl with medical coverage… Dental, not so easy.

–77th St & 37th Ave, Jackson Heights

Overheard by: Gail Montemayor

Blonde tween: they usually take out 2 teeth before they put on the braces. They took 4 of mine. It felt great! I wanted ’em to take all of mine and be all gums.

–D Train

Overheard by: Going to keep those wisdom teeth a bit longer

Girl on cell: So I was able to brush my teeth without feeling like I was going to puke.

–77th and 2nd

Cleaning woman on cell phone: She is a butterface. You know, everything’s lookin’ good but her face. Her body is nice, but she has some ugly-ass, skanky ass face. I told her she ain’t gonna get no man without any teeth in her face. I told her she’s gotta get some nice grilles put all up in there.

–Atlantic Mall

Overheard by: jsillyfun

Ghetto girl spouting knowledge to friend: Sometimes, you just gotta bite your teeth, and turn the other head…

–4 train

Guy on acid: I can’t get the taste of teeth out of my mouth!

–Riverside Park

Overheard by: LSB

Posted on April 9, 2008
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Beauty, Body Parts, Brooklyn, Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Default, Druggies, Elevators, Ghetto Chicks, Girls, Gripes, Guys, Health and Hygiene, Malls, Marriage, Men, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Old People, On Cell, On the Subway, Queens, Straight Trippin', Teeth, Tweens, Upper East Side, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Vomit, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

On the Subway