Wednesday One-Liners Are No Longer Considered a Planet

Girl, to boyfriend: And that’s why you can never trust the emotions or actions of someone whose star sign is ruled by mars.

–20th & 7th

Overheard by: ALR

Barista to waiter: I don’t mind that I spent $130 on a pair of Oakleys cause I can look at the sun for a while and it won’t hurt my eyes.

–Long Island Railroad

Overheard by: Chris K.

Baby boomer hippie to college student: Dude, I just got me some of that Afghani shit. Took me to the mooooooon and back, baby!

–Washington Square

Overheard by: Summer

Doonesbury looking dude: Imagine what life would be like without the sun.

–40th & Park Ave

Overheard by: Ledbetter

Girl, being shaken awake by friend: But Rachel, where are you going to put the black hole?

–A Train

Bum on street, to several protesters passing by in pure white bio-hazard suits: Aw… You people wait right there, I’m a run and get some cigarettes then I’m comin’ to the moon with ya’ll. Seriously… Wait.

–45 & 7th Ave

Overheard by: Comack

Posted on April 23, 2008
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Astronomy, Baristas, Compare/Contrast, Fashion, Friends, Girlfriends, Girls, Guys, Hippies, Homeless, Long Island, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Offers and requests, On the Subway, Questions, Shopping, Street, Trains Not Subway, Washington Square Park, Weed, Words

Wednesday One-Liners Are Between Jobs

Homeless man, to toddler: Can I get a high-five?
[Toddler high-fives homeless man.]Homeless man: Can I get a dollar?

–D Train

Overheard by: sara

Shivering bum: Yo, can you guys help me out? Otherwise I’m gonna sing a song and I don’t wanna hurt your ears.

–N 7th & Bedford

Black homeless man: Excuse me… Can anyone help a broke nigga get his eat on?

–6 Train

Bum: Dollar for your favorite bum?

–Lafayette & E. 4th St

Bum, approaching another bum standing in the only two square feet of sunlit space for many blocks: Yeahh! You found the spot!

–Financial District

Overheard by: nunya

Homeless man: Hello, everyone. My name is Mike*, and I’m homeless and starving. If you have any- [His cell phone rings.] Excuse me. [Picks up phone.] I’m working, man, what’s up?

–Q Train

Posted on April 23, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Black People, Homeless, Men, Money & Class, Offers and requests, On the Subway, Only in New York, Panhandling, Race, Singing, Street, The Village, Threats, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Weather, West Village, Words

We’re Just Thankful It Wasn’t Another Auschwitz Joke

Douchebag trying to get on an over-crowded train: Move in!
Annoyed lady: There’s no more room!
Glib red-headed chick: It’s a subway, not a clown car!

–4 Train

Posted on April 21, 2008
Compare/Contrast, Default, Girls, Guys, Offers and requests, On the Subway, Public Transportation, Women

No, Ma’am, It Certainly Is Not

5th grader on school trip on train: I wanna sit down!
Teacher, in southern accent: Well I want a small ass but thats not happening either now is it?!

–4 Train

Overheard by: Brandon E.

Posted on April 19, 2008
Ass, Default, Diet/Weight, Education, Etiquette, Kids, On the Subway, Students, Teachers/Professors, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Not Even Lesbian Cows?

Schoolgirl #1: She just kept going on about chewing cunts in class.
Schoolgirl #2: Cud, you dumbass! Cows don’t chew cunt.

–6 Train

Overheard by: Manic Mouse

Posted on April 19, 2008
Animals & Nature, Default, Girls, On the Subway, School and studying, Teens, Vagina, Words

…And Sell It on eBay!

Mother to six-year-old girl: Tomorrow we’re going to the doctor’s office, then to the dentist…
Six-year-old, whispering: Mmommy, I don’t want to go. [louder] They take my my blood. My blood!

–6 Train

Overheard by: Garrett

Posted on April 17, 2008
Blood & bleeding, Default, Fears, Girls, Health and Hygiene, Kids, Moms, On the Subway, Threats

If Everybody’s Wearing Pants and Nobody Takes Your Wallet, It’s a Successful Commute

Crazy hobo, dancing and singing as he walks down the aisle: Yeah, yeah, yeahhhhhh… Yeahhh yeahhh yeahhh. And now for my grand finale! [pulls emergency break and exits car.]Angry woman: Oh, hell no. He did not just do that. I knew he was gonna to do that shit.
Friend: Why didn’t you trip him or somethin’?
Angry woman: Are you fuckin’ kidding me? And get beat up by a crazy? Did ya’ll see that?!
Young woman: Fuck my life.

–D Train

Overheard by: KK

Posted on April 17, 2008
Crazies, Crazy, Friends, Hobos, On the Subway, Public Transportation, Punch, Questions, Women

Wednesday One-Liners: the Best of Cities and the Worst of Cities

Guy: Yeah, he has this obsession with white weasels. It’s just very New York, you know?

–23rd & 8th

Overheard by: Kate

White Girl: I’m leaving this city, it’s all just bed bugs and bad drugs.

–Queensboro Plaza

Overheard by: Zach

Prudish waitress, to another: In New York, you just come to expect cock-on-cock, ass-on-ass talk… In DC, you don’t.

–1 Train

Student to friend: You play the paranoid freak, I will play the egomaniac. We will call it "New York".

–49th & 1st

Thug #1 to Thug #2, while observing typical, plain, Midwest vacationing family getting off a tour bus: Get back on that bus! This New York! You can’t handle this shit! [Teenage kids smile. The father, absolutely horrified, grabs the kids and throws them back on the bus.]

–42nd St & 5th Ave

Overheard by: Bunk Moreland

Posted on April 16, 2008
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Compare/Contrast, Drugs, Girls, Gripes, Guys, Health and Hygiene, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Names, Offers and requests, On the Subway, Only in New York, Sexuality, Street, Students, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Theater & Dance, Threats, Thugs, Tourism, Travel, U.S. Geography, Waitresses, Weirdness, White People, Words

Wednesday One-Liners Have Never Been Married… Just Sayin’

Old queer: You won’t believe your eyes in Plainfield. There’s not one heterosexual in Plainfield.

–75th & Columbus

Amazed nerd teen: They did this study on women who are ovulating, and even in gay bars when they’re ovulating they get way more dick.

–S’nice Coffee Bar, 14th St & 8th Ave

Big black girl: So being gay, when a straight person says, "You can stay over with me, but I’m not inviting you to touch me…" No, girl! You *are* inviting me to touch you.

–C Train

Overheard by: Lemuel

Random guy in stall next me: It’s a cluster fuck… Out there, not here, you don’t think I’m gay, do you?

–JFK Bathroom

Guy with to few friends: I’m the most homophobic gay man ever.

–Staten Island Perkins Diner

IT manager: Do you know how long ago 1984 was? I was straight!

–915 Broadway, Manhattan

Overheard by: Sarah

Posted on April 16, 2008
9 to 5-ers, All Wednesday One-Liners, Bars & Clubs, Black People, Compare/Contrast, Dorks, Geeks and Nerds, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, JFK Airport, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Old People, On the Subway, Queer guys, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Science, Sex, Sexuality, Soho, Stall Spies, Staten Island, Teens, U.S. Geography, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wishes & desires, Words

Hot Wednesday-on-Wednesday One-Liners

Random guy, singing loudly: Leeeesbian seagull!

–South Street Sea Port

Overheard by: Ger-Man in New York

Thug: Shit! I have to get my teacher a present. Its so hard. She’s like butch… You know what I’m saying? Shes got short hair and don’t wear earrings -like that chick [points to a woman who can obviously hear the conversation and looks affronted.] Yeah lady, you like the pussy!

–F Train

Drunk girl: You wanna know why I’m a lesbian? When I was crawling out of my mothers vagina I tasted that shit. And that shit was good. I just had to keep going back for more.

–Odessa’s, Ave A

Overheard by: Dannia Alfonso

Hardcore lesbian tourist #1 to hardcore lesbian tourist #2: Hey! Beaver Street! Let’s eat down there.

–Beaver St , Hanover Square

Overheard by: WallStGuy

Black teen punk girl, arguing with boyfriend: No, I’m gonna go become a lesbian now. Big. Huge. Les. Bo.

–V Train

Overheard by: Jon A.

Buff guy: But now they’ll know I’m a lesbian.

–Christopher & Bleecker

Overheard by: Colleen