And Does This Mean I Can't Cheat Off Of Her in Class Anymore?

Girl #1: So, how's Christie? She hasn't been coming to class.
Girl #2: Not so good. She tried to commit suicide again.
Girl #1: Ugh! What did she do this time?!
Girl #2: She swallowed half a bottle of pills. She started throwing up and hallucinating, but fortunately her mom found her and took her to the hospital.
Girl #1: Sometimes I think she likes to exaggerate things for effect. I mean, if you were hallucinating, then how would you know that you were hallucinating? And how do you swallow that many pills anyway? I can barely take one.
Girl #2: Well, her mom said she…
Girl #1, interrupting: So what is she going to do now?
Girl #2: Her parents think it is best if she stays in a mental institution for a while.
Girl #2: Wow! I could never do that! Live in the crazy-house, I mean. If I was surrounded by that many crazy people then I might start to think I was crazy too!

–6 Train

Posted on February 11, 2010
Crazy, Education, Girls, Health and Hygiene, Medicine, On the Subway, Parents, School and studying, Sensory Experiences, Suicide

As Long As I Have TV, Reality Can Go Fuck Itself

Stringy-haired teen in waiting room: See? We got here an hour early and we're still sitting here.
Trashy mom: Shut up and watch Martha Stewart.
Stringy-haired teen: My stomach hurts. That chocolate I ate today upset my stomach.
Trashy mom: That's what you get for eating chocolate at eight am.
Stringy-haired teen: I woke up at six, ate some, then went back to bed. Then I woke up at eight and finished it.
Trashy mom: Shut up and watch Martha Stewart.

–Dentist Office, Brooklyn

Posted on February 11, 2010
About Celebrities, Brooklyn, Food, Gripes, Health and Hygiene, Medicine, Moms, Office, Parents, Teens, Time

Or a Muzzle.

Daughter: Daddy, I want a cookie!
Father: I'll say yes if you ask for an apple instead. (pause) Or a Brussels sprout.
Daughter: Ahhhhh!

–115th St & Broadway

Overheard by: Special K

Posted on February 6, 2010
Dads, Fears, Food, Fruit, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Kids, Offers and requests, Parents, Wishes & desires

George W. Bush: “Is Our Children Wednesday One-Linering?”

Ghetto mother, about daughter: She hard on herself when it comes to her grades. That comes from her father. I told him, "you better stop that, or else you're gonna bust her brain."

–Uptown 2 Train

Overheard by: Raven

Truant girl on cell: I didn't! (pause) No, I didn't! (pause) I didn't skip! (pause) I didn't go! It's not the same thing! (pause) No, it isn't! (pause) I didn't go anyplace! I didn't go to somebody's house or nothing! (pause) It's not the same! I didn't skip! I just didn't go! (pause) No, it's not the same! It is not!

–8th Ave & 50th St

Overheard by: stephie

Proctor, seeing a student come into testing room: Hey, aren't you that kid who was smokin' yesterday? Oh, yeah, that's right, you're the one that flipped me the bird! Now I have yo' name and yo' ID numba, and I can call up yo' parents… Today is just my lucky day!

–Stuyvesant High School

Long Island guy: I can't wait to get back to college. The girls there are so hot. I can't wait to get my DNA on em, know what I'm sayin'?

–LIRR

Indian chick on cell: What's good? I'm not taking Hindi anymore, that's what's good! Hellll fuckin yeahhh! Whoooo!!

–Astor Place

Overheard by: me neither

Posted on February 3, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Beauty, Black People, Clerks, Compare/Contrast, Education, Family Ties, Girls, Guys, Happiness, Health and Hygiene, India Indians, Insults, Languages, Lies, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, Names, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, School and studying, Science, Sex, Smoking, Students, Stupidity, Stuyvesant, The Village, Threats, Trains Not Subway, Wednesday One-Liners

Republicans: Sob

Father: You don't tell me what to do. You're not the boss.
Three-year-old girl: You're not the boss, too!
Father: Then who's the boss?
Three-year-old girl: Obama's the boss!

–101st St & Riverside Dr

Overheard by: jobrody

Posted on February 1, 2010
Dads, Kids, Parents, President, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center

You Sound Exactly Like Your Mother.

Dad: If you don't behave you're going to get a spanking. Are you going to behave?
Little girl: (no response)
Dad: If you don't behave, you're going to get a spanking. Are you going to behave?
Little girl: (no response)
Dad: Well, if you decide to act like this again, then we aren't taking you to Hawaii.
Little girl: That's fine… I don't want to go to Hawaii. I hate traveling with you.

–JFK Airport

Overheard by: Jbak

Posted on January 28, 2010
Airports, Comebacks, Dads, Family Ties, Gripes, JFK Airport, Kids, Parents, Threats, Travel, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Pantless

Guy: Did you just tell your mom to jam out with her clam out?
Girl: My mom is fuckin awesome, she does keg stands and shit.

–Metro North Rail

Overheard by: John

Posted on January 23, 2010
Girls, Guys, Parents, Questions, Sports, Trains Not Subway

Which Is Loaded With Subject Matter

Ticket seller to woman, about toddler: Well, he can come, but there is, you know… Subject matter.
Woman, sighing: The boy watches SpongeBob.

–Fela! Box Office

Overheard by: Patrick

Posted on January 22, 2010
Clerks, Compare/Contrast, Kids, Moms, Parents, Theater, Theater & Dance, TV

Grandma Still Does

Son, pointing at magazine: I like those pants.
Father: But those look tight.
Son: That's what's in style right now.
Father, after a pause: Did I ever tell you when I used to take you to Tompkins Square Park as a baby, everyone thought you were a girl ?

–A Train

Posted on January 22, 2010
Clothing, Dads, Families, Gender issues, On the Subway, Parents, Sexuality

Mom's Menu Has No Happy Ending Sundae

Tween: Mom, I'm so sorry. I don't know what I was thinking.
Mother: What are you?
Tween, starting to sob: Stupid.
Mother: What kind of stupid?
Tween: Ten flavors of stupid.
Mom: And don't you fucking forget it!

–Battery Park City

Posted on January 21, 2010
Battery Park, Insults, Moms, Parents, Questions, Stupidity, Tweens

Parents