Girl: I don’t think he is mature enough for me.
Guy: He doesn’t wear pants! And you know, if he’s claustrophobic putting his legs into pants… You see where I’m going with this?
–Broadway & 49th
Girl: I don’t think he is mature enough for me.
Guy: He doesn’t wear pants! And you know, if he’s claustrophobic putting his legs into pants… You see where I’m going with this?
–Broadway & 49th
Suit #1: Dude, he’s SO strange. You know I walked passed his desk yesterday and he was researching stuff on his computer about religion. Some multicultural shit or something.
Suit #2: Woah.
Suit #1: Yeah, I know. [Pauses.] You know I bet he’s like one of those guys that dates a girl and calls her all the time and stalks her.
Suit #2: Totally.
–Starbucks, 30th and Park
Overheard by: Faetra
Thug to friends: Yo, it’s not like I’m gay! Just… the kid had some nice hair!
–Ave M, Q train stop
Overheard by: LoRna
Teen boy: Yo, near the pubic hair, son… That shit is phat!
–Southern Blvd, Bronx
Overheard by: E.J.
Seven-year-old blonde to friend: … And if you get it in your hair, you lose all your points!
–Washington Square West
Overheard by: SELENA
Asian 30-something on cell: Well, he doesn’t have any hair, so he better be good-looking.
–13th & 6th
Chick on cell: Masochistic hair to go with a masochistic gal. Aw!
–Columbia University
Overheard by: McFreaky
Subway performer, finishing barbershop-quartet style song: We’d like to wish you all a beautiful afternoon. If any of you happen to run into Condoleezza Rice, please tell her we’ve got a sista in Harlem waitin’ to do her hair.
–R train
Overheard by: Marisa
JAP getting off at Berkeley Heights: I was getting anxious about getting anxious! It was like I had anxiety about getting anxiety! What? No, the pills aren’t for that. Shut up, Mom! I’ll call you later.
–NJ Transit
Overheard by: embarrassed to live in jersey
JAP on cell: You know, it just goes to show you how sensitive we’ve become in this country to sexual misconduct and sexual… Sexual… What’s the word? Being sued.
–116th & Broadway
JAP on cell: … And then I totally just, like, bought it at Bergdorf’s… No, no! Not Bloomingdale’s — Bergdorf’s! You know, as in Bergdorf Cohen’s?
–serendipipty
Blonde JAP: Like, this is totally tighter than my colonoscopy. Ugh!
–Crowded A train
JAP on cell: Oh, that guy? I think he lost interest in me. One day I said something about how all the girls on the Upper East Side look the same and are totally boring, and he said, ‘But yeah! That’s you, too!’
–83rd & 3rd
Overheard by: A&M
Guy #1: They say a lot of people who suffer from bipolar disorder are promiscuous.
Guy #2: Yeah, I know. That was my ex-girlfriend’s excuse for being a whore.
–Financial District
Angry woman on cell: I don’t care if you are an ordained fucking minister, you can go straight to fucking hell!
–Barnes & Noble, Union Square
Overheard by: Last-minute shopper
Crazy lady into microphone: Just because you don’t do drugs or have sex doesn’t mean you’re not going to hell!
–Subway station, 43rd & Broadway, Times Square
Teacher: Let’s go to hell!
–Stuyvesant High
Hobo: Is this the train to hell? It is! Oh my god, you’re all in purgatory!
–A train, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Geneva
Scruffy artist type, to self: I’m not in hell, I’m in New York. I’m not in hell, I’m in New York…
–Elevator, Bellevue Hospital
Overheard by: David
Lady suit: Did you bring that from the office?
Suit #1, holding up expensive pen: Oh, yeah, to look official. You know, for self-importance.
Suit #2: Yeah, self-esteem has been bad this week.
Lady suit: I think we need to go out drinking.
–Starbucks, 21st & 5th
Overheard by: maybe they could order a coffee liquer?
Psych girl #1: So, how did your date go?
Psych girl #2: Oh, well, I felt that he definitely fit an archetype… But a good archetype.
–NYU Silver Center
Overheard by: Abram
Greenpeace volunteer: Hey! Hi! Sir, do you have a moment for the environment today?
20-something guy: Uhhh, no, I have therapy in 10 minutes.
–95th & Broadway
Overheard by: sean
Lady yuppie: I mean, at first I thought he was seriously psycho, but then I started to think, Maybe he’s just being creative…
–Outside NY Public Library
Overheard by: Miss_Rach
Black guy to himself: I’m not like the rest of you — I’m just an ordinary loon!
–52nd & 3rd
Overheard by: what?
Hobo: Does anybody have Amy Fisher’s phone number? I love crazy chicks!
–R train
Old woman to middle-aged woman: You have to walk on the crazy side of the street.
–2nd & 7th, Park Slope
Overheard by: D-Law
Lady to another, pointing at Borough Hall: Is that place a mental institution?
–Stuyvesant Pl, outside SI Borough Hall
