Psychology

JAP getting off at Berkeley Heights: I was getting anxious about getting anxious! It was like I had anxiety about getting anxiety! What? No, the pills aren’t for that. Shut up, Mom! I’ll call you later.

–NJ Transit

Overheard by: embarrassed to live in jersey

JAP on cell: You know, it just goes to show you how sensitive we’ve become in this country to sexual misconduct and sexual… Sexual… What’s the word? Being sued.

–116th & Broadway

JAP on cell: … And then I totally just, like, bought it at Bergdorf’s… No, no! Not Bloomingdale’s — Bergdorf’s! You know, as in Bergdorf Cohen’s?

–serendipipty

Blonde JAP: Like, this is totally tighter than my colonoscopy. Ugh!

–Crowded A train

JAP on cell: Oh, that guy? I think he lost interest in me. One day I said something about how all the girls on the Upper East Side look the same and are totally boring, and he said, ‘But yeah! That’s you, too!’

–83rd & 3rd

Overheard by: A&M

Guy #1: They say a lot of people who suffer from bipolar disorder are promiscuous.
Guy #2: Yeah, I know. That was my ex-girlfriend’s excuse for being a whore.

–Financial District

Angry woman on cell: I don’t care if you are an ordained fucking minister, you can go straight to fucking hell!

–Barnes & Noble, Union Square

Overheard by: Last-minute shopper

Crazy lady into microphone: Just because you don’t do drugs or have sex doesn’t mean you’re not going to hell!

–Subway station, 43rd & Broadway, Times Square

Teacher: Let’s go to hell!

–Stuyvesant High

Hobo: Is this the train to hell? It is! Oh my god, you’re all in purgatory!

–A train, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Geneva

Scruffy artist type, to self: I’m not in hell, I’m in New York. I’m not in hell, I’m in New York…

–Elevator, Bellevue Hospital

Overheard by: David

Lady suit: Did you bring that from the office?
Suit #1, holding up expensive pen: Oh, yeah, to look official. You know, for self-importance.
Suit #2: Yeah, self-esteem has been bad this week.
Lady suit: I think we need to go out drinking.

–Starbucks, 21st & 5th

Overheard by: maybe they could order a coffee liquer?

Psych girl #1: So, how did your date go?
Psych girl #2: Oh, well, I felt that he definitely fit an archetype… But a good archetype.

–NYU Silver Center

Overheard by: Abram

Greenpeace volunteer: Hey! Hi! Sir, do you have a moment for the environment today?
20-something guy: Uhhh, no, I have therapy in 10 minutes.

–95th & Broadway

Overheard by: sean

Lady yuppie: I mean, at first I thought he was seriously psycho, but then I started to think, Maybe he’s just being creative

–Outside NY Public Library

Overheard by: Miss_Rach

Black guy to himself: I’m not like the rest of you — I’m just an ordinary loon!

–52nd & 3rd

Overheard by: what?

Hobo: Does anybody have Amy Fisher’s phone number? I love crazy chicks!

–R train

Old woman to middle-aged woman: You have to walk on the crazy side of the street.

–2nd & 7th, Park Slope

Overheard by: D-Law

Lady to another, pointing at Borough Hall: Is that place a mental institution?

–Stuyvesant Pl, outside SI Borough Hall

Mom to obnoxious child: You need group therapy!

–7 train

Overheard by: Curly

Hipster chick: So, Therapist Rick came over last night and took the kids out for a walk. They had sore bums when they came back, but otherwise they were okay…

–92nd & Broadway

Overheard by: Ken

Little girl to dad: Last year in third grade I was really depressed!

–80th St, between Broadway & Amsterdam

Overheard by: Maif

20-ish lady on cell: Yeah, so I found out he’s a born-again Christian, which was kind of a turn-off because I never got into fundamentalist kink. But my therapist told me to try something new, so I think I’m going to fuck him anyway.

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Josephine

Old man: My psychiatrist told me two important things: one, never trust foreigners; two, don’t ever waste an erection, even if you’re alone.

–Restroom, York Theater

Girl on cell: No way! I totally hate my therapist, too!

–89th & 1st

Overheard by: Marisa

Old lady: So, it sounds like you’ve really got your life together.
Woo-woo chick: Yes, with the help of my therapist and my life coach, of course.

–Terminal 9, JFK

Dude: Great! Now let’s go break your face!
Chick: Tom, I need a more positive kind of support right now…

–MacDougal & Washington Pl