Wednesday One-Liners Could Do With a Cuddle

30-something woman to female friend: I’m so happy to see you! I haven’t had sex in a couple of months, except for a few straight girls.

–Carroll Gardens

Smoking chick on cell: I haven’t had sex yet either…I’ll let you know.

–1020 bar, 110th & Amsterdam

Overheard by: Ladle

Nilla wafer-eating chick: I don’t even understand why people have sex anymore!

–Columbia University

Guy yelling at a woman: Lady! Stop asking, I’m not having sex with you!

–34th & 6th

Guy on cell: Oh my god, do I need to say it? Fine! I promise I won’t try to put my penis in you. Okay?

–Avenue C

Overheard by: lingling

Guy on cell: That’s the thing about sex, it’s all in your head anyway.

–Union Square West

Overheard by: brita bit

Posted on May 21, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bars & Clubs, Brooklyn, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Friends, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Guys, Happiness, Lesbians, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Offers and requests, On Cell, Penis, Psychology, Questions, Sex, Sexuality, Smokers & Smoking, Street, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Weirdness, White People, Women, Words

Wednesday One-Liners Snort When They Laugh

Guy to self: Doctor Jean Grey has the most powerful orgasm of all the X-Men.

–Union Square Park

Overheard by: Stan

Engineering school chick, screaming: And I was like, ‘Oh my god, this is the worst protractor ever!’

–Columbia University

Skanky hipster chick to another: I would totally do him… But only if I had the ninja outfit on.

–Ludlow St.

[Four NYPD cops are checking people’s bags at rush hour. A man in a suit appears to be their superior.]Man in suit: But then he realizes that Jedis don’t seek revenge. [The four cops all nod gravely.]

–W 4th St Subway Station

Overheard by: KL

Fiftyish suit: Chewbacca, the original wingman…

–86th & Lexington

Overheard by: Ike

Woman on cell: I’m busy. I’ve got things to do. And right now what I’m doing is looking at comic books.

–Forbidden Planet

Overheard by: Josh

Chick: We were always competing to be chief geek… But he had asperger’s, so he won.

–Central Park

Posted on May 14, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Books & Writing, Central Park, Clothing, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Compare/Contrast, Girls, Gripes, Guys, Hipsters, Leisure, On Cell, Orgasm, Parks, Penn Station, Psychology, Sorority Girls, Street, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Suits, The Village, TV, Union Square and East Village, Upper East Side, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

The Appeal Of Perez Hilton’s Site: Encapsulated

Female prepster: … And part of me is totally into really fucked up people with really fucked up problems.
Male prepster: Yeah. Me too. Totally, dude.

–110th & Broadway

Overheard by: Justin Casement

Posted on May 11, 2008
Default, Friendship, Girls, Gripes, Guys, Hipsters, Preppies, Psychology, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center

When Your Relaxation Tapes Are Narrated by Woody Allen

Mom: You need to relax!
Teen girl: Why? Because I said “Oh my god”?
Mom: Just relax!
Teen girl, mockingly: Oh my god! Oh my god!
Mom: Just fucking relax!

–Union Square

Posted on May 4, 2008
Advice, Default, Girls, Moms, Offers and requests, Parents, Psychology, Should've Used a Condom, Teens, Union Square and East Village

Wednesday One-Liners Spin Fat into Muscle

African man, yelling into cell: I am not riding a bike! I’m not a machine! I’m not a machine! I’m not a wheel!

–W 23rd St

Overheard by: I’m a train!

Loud chick on cell: So I told him he’s gotta do some exercises or something to keep up with me. I mean, he doesn’t do any foreplay or anything, just climbs his fat ass on top of me…

–37th & Broadway

Guy on phone at sandwich shop: How am I? Well, that’s a complicated quesion -do you mean right now, or in general? Because right now, Lisa’s got a really bad cold and is all set up on the couch and I just got back from a eulogy for a friend’s pop. So now I’m getting a coffee and then I plan on riding the bicycle at the gym -’cause that’s the closest I can get to heroin. How are you?

–85th & Columbus Ave

Lady, to marathon wheelchair participants: Don’t just sit there, go go go!

–99th & 5th, NYC Marathon

Grown woman, clapping and bouncing up and down: Yaaaaaaay, I get to go on the slide!

–76th & York

Ten-year-old girl leaving the midnight showing of Harry Potter: Ugh. I am never working out again!

–68th & Broadway

Overheard by: Sarah Booz

Posted on April 30, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Black People, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Crazy, Death, Depressed, Diet/Weight, Fitness, Foreplay, Friendship, Girls, Gripes, Guys, Handicaps, Happiness, Heroin, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Offers and requests, On Cell, Psychology, Questions, Relationships, Sex, Tweens, Upper East Side, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Weirdness, Women

In My Dreams, I’ve Already Invented the Water-Powered Car

Long Island girl: The things I think about when I’m not sleeping are so meaningless.

–Brooklyn

Overheard by: Casayoto

Posted on April 29, 2008
Brooklyn, Compare/Contrast, Crazies, Default, Girls, One-liners, Psychology, White People

Now New York Is Laughing

Guy #1: Man, do you think *Jane is hot?
Guy #2: I mean she’s smart, but I wouldn’t say she’s hot. Why do you think she’s into you?
Guy #1: Well, I think that she thinks I’m arrogant, but I’m not. It just comes off that way because I’m really insecure, my confidence is all fake.
Guy #3: Hey, I think that girl is listening to us… And she’s laughing.
Guy #1: Anyway… Can we please talk about my insecurities for a while, we never talk about me.

–Metro North

Overheard by: texting her friend the whole convo

Posted on April 25, 2008
Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Default, Fakes, Friendship, Guys, Laughter, Offers and requests, Psychology, Questions, Trains Not Subway

No –Why Would He Be Afraid Of Santa?

Girl: I don’t think he is mature enough for me.
Guy: He doesn’t wear pants! And you know, if he’s claustrophobic putting his legs into pants… You see where I’m going with this?

–Broadway & 49th

Posted on April 22, 2008
Advice, Clothing, Default, Girls, Guys, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Psychology, Relationships, Weirdness

So Much Classier to Just Hide in the Bushes

Suit #1: Dude, he’s SO strange. You know I walked passed his desk yesterday and he was researching stuff on his computer about religion. Some multicultural shit or something.
Suit #2: Woah.
Suit #1: Yeah, I know. [Pauses.] You know I bet he’s like one of those guys that dates a girl and calls her all the time and stalks her.
Suit #2: Totally.

–Starbucks, 30th and Park

Overheard by: Faetra

Posted on April 3, 2008
Coworkers, Default, Friends, Gossip, Harassment, Multiculturalism, Overheard Style, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Office politics, Psychology, Religion, Starbucks, Suits

Wednesday One-Liners: More Than Just a Hippie Musical

Thug to friends: Yo, it’s not like I’m gay! Just… the kid had some nice hair!

–Ave M, Q train stop

Overheard by: LoRna

Teen boy: Yo, near the pubic hair, son… That shit is phat!

–Southern Blvd, Bronx

Overheard by: E.J.

Seven-year-old blonde to friend: … And if you get it in your hair, you lose all your points!

–Washington Square West

Overheard by: SELENA

Asian 30-something on cell: Well, he doesn’t have any hair, so he better be good-looking.

–13th & 6th

Chick on cell: Masochistic hair to go with a masochistic gal. Aw!

–Columbia University

Overheard by: McFreaky

Subway performer, finishing barbershop-quartet style song: We’d like to wish you all a beautiful afternoon. If any of you happen to run into Condoleezza Rice, please tell her we’ve got a sista in Harlem waitin’ to do her hair.

–R train

Overheard by: Marisa

Posted on March 12, 2008
Asians, Body Parts, Boys, Columbia (& Barnard), Compliments, Default, Girls, Gripes, Hair, Kids, On Cell, On the Subway, Politics, Psychology, Sexuality, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Teens, The Bronx, Thugs, Washington Square Park, West Village

Psychology