TiVo: Oh Fuck, Not This Again

Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, we are being delayed because of an injured passenger.
Heavy-set African American lady: Is you serious? I'm a miss Flavor of Love!
(few minutes later)
Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, we are being delayed because of an injured customer on the tracks.
Heavy-set African American lady: They better pick him up and get him off them tracks or I'm a miss Flavor of Love!
(few minutes later)
Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, our train has collided with a customer on the tracks. We are waiting for the police to investigate. Please be patient.
Heavy-set African American lady: Good thing I got that TiVo…

–Uptown 6 Train

Overheard by: Noel Coward

Posted on September 1, 2008
Accidents, Black People, Default, Gadgets, On the Subway, Public Transportation, Subway conductors, Time, TV, Women

You Mean France— She's from France!

Girl #1: How much is a train ride?
Girl #2 (in disbelief): Two dollars.
Girl #1: Well, I don't know these things. I'm from Jersey.
Girl #2: Shhhhhhhhhhhh!

–A Train

Overheard by: It's okay, we knew you were Jersey

Posted on August 29, 2008
Default, Girls, Money & Class, On the Subway, Public Transportation, Questions

Remember When Wednesday One-Liner Were Black?

South African man to friend: Listen to what I just found out the other day… my friend's family owned Michael Jackson's family!

–NYU

Guy to friend (about a Halloween party): Dude, it's a totally corporate made-up holiday, but yeah, I'll dress up as Michael Jackson.

–Duane Reade, Union Square

Overheard by: Traczie

Professor: It's not as simple as black and white anymore. I mean, what color is Tiger Woods? What color is Barack Obama? What color is Michael Jackson?

–History of American Women Class, Pace University

Crazy hobo: This is the 2 Express Train! (a few minutes later) Goddammit, I been waiting two hours for the train! Now I gonna be too late for my lunch with Michael Jackson!

–66th Street Subway Platform

Overheard by: Seth

Little kid to another: You sicken everyone! Even Michael Jackson!

–161st St & 3rd Ave, The Bronx

Overheard by: li'l squeaker

Posted on August 27, 2008
About Celebrities, Africans, All Wednesday One-Liners, Classroom, Clothing, Crazies, Duane Reade, Friends, Guys, History & Geography, Hobos, Holidays, Insults, Kids, NYU, President, Public Transportation, Questions, Race, Sports, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Teachers/Professors, The Bronx, Union Square and East Village

They're So Cute When They're Ignorant

Ten-year old boy: Dad, how long will it take to get to the World Trade Center?
Father: Well, it will take a while. We have to go through 14th Street, 9th Street, Christopher Street, Hoboken, Pavonia/Newport, then to Grove Street. Then at Grove Street we switch trains to go to the World Trade.
Ten-year old boy: Wow…and it's all 'cause of those damn terrorists!

–PATH train, 23rd Street

Posted on August 26, 2008
Boys, Dads, Default, Directions, Ground Zero, Kids, Manhattan, NYC Geography, Public Transportation, Questions, Terrorism, Trains Not Subway

Even in Grade School, We Hear the Stories

Little boy looking out window: I want to take the NYU shuttle when I go to college!
Mother: You can, if you go to NYU.
Little boy: Ohh. Nevermind.

–M103 Downtown

Posted on August 24, 2008
Boys, Default, Education, Kids, Moms, On the Bus, Public Transportation, Wishes & desires

Wednesday One-Liners Just Hope They'll Get There Eventually

Conductor: This is 14th Street, Union Square. Transfers available to the 4, 5, 6, L, Q, R, and W trains. This is a Queens-bound N train. The next stop will be 14th Street, Union Square. 14th Street, Union Square will be the next stop.

–Uptown N Train, Canal Street

Overheard by: V

Conductor: This is 33rd Street. Transfer is available to the… street.

–6 Train

Overheard by: Murray Hill Schlub

Conductor: This is 66th street, Lincoln Tunnel.

–Downtown 2 Train

Overheard by: Close but no cigar

Conductor: Attention, ladies and gentlemen. This train will *not* be going to South Ferry, due to issues with the problem. I repeat: we will *not* be going to South Ferry, because of issues with the problem.

–Downtown 1 Train

Overheard by: Ladle

Conductor: There is no N train service across the platform. I repeat, there is no N service across the platform. (N train pulls in) …that is an an N train across the platform.

–Queensboro Plaza

Posted on August 20, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Directions, NYC Geography, On the Subway, Public Transportation, Queens, Subway conductors, Weirdness, Words

Son Of a Wednesday One-Liner!

Young mother: Yeah, she still talks like a baby. She still talkin' baby talk. Her favorite word is "bitch."

–C Train

Overheard by: Emily B.

Black chick on phone: So I asked that bitch and she said he's gonna be in the Special Olympics in Secaucus.

–33rd St & 6th Ave

Overheard by: Jake

Conductor over PA system: Don't hold the doors, bitches!

–1 Train

Overheard by: Anna

Ghetto boyfriend to ghetto girlfriend: You know… You know that I luh' you, but I just wanna know, why you don't luh' me? Why, bitch, why?!

–Broadway & Canal

Overheard by: Aviva

Man on cell: It was a bad bitch? …a bad bitch?

–37th & Broadway

Girl to friend: …so then the guy turns the fuck around during "Chim chiminey" and just loses his shit on those two old bitches.

–24th St & 3rd Ave

Overheard by: Viv

Posted on August 13, 2008
Babies, Black People, Boyfriends, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Compare/Contrast, Conductors, Couples, Ghetto Chicks, Girlfriends, Girls, Insults, Love, Moms, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Offers and requests, On Cell, On the Subway, Public Transportation, Questions, Shoes, Singing, The Village, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Words

Wednesday A1 Liners

Crazy hobo: Taco Bell is outta meat. Taco Bell… Is outta meat. I ask for a taco, they say, "We outta meat." What the fuck!? How you run outta meat at Taco Bell? You don't see me runnin' outta weed! Shit. Taco Bell is outta meat.

–Wendy's, 14th Street

Overheard by: Zack

Curious teenage girl: What is that on the floor? Ew! I hate when people leave bags of meat on the subway!

–R Train

Jewish lawyer, answering his desk phone: Weinstein's house of kosher pork. How may I direct your call?

–Newsroom, Midtown

Preppy teen: I am like, a total whore for salami.

–280th St, Brooklyn

Overheard by: casayoto

Woman on cell talking about her upcoming weekend: Mah husband's gone, my kids is gone, I'm jus' goin' lie on the floor and eat some baloney. Mmm hmm. (pauses, listens to person on phone) Das' right. I'm gonna eat some baloney, and some cheese?-I'm goin' make myself a baloney sandwich.

–4th St Station

Overheard by: Jess

Posted on August 13, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Brooklyn, Compare/Contrast, Crazies, Ethnic Food, Girls, Gripes, Hobos, Jews, Judaism, Junk Food & Fast Food, Lawyers, Leisure, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, On the Subway, Preppies, Public Transportation, Restaurants & Cafes, Teens, Weed, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

I'm So Angry My Hair Is Deflating

Conductor: This train doesn't go to Secaucus. You've got to get off at the next stop and wait for the train right behind this one.
Joisey wife: What??
Conductor: It's just one stop on the train right behind this one. (leaves)
Joisey wife: What did he say?
Joisey husband: It's one more stop, then it's Secaucus.
Joisey wife: No, he said we need to change trains or something.
Joisey husband: This is so damn confusing. We're never doing this again.

–Penn Station bound NJ Transit Train

Overheard by: Greg

Posted on August 5, 2008
Conductors, Couples, Default, Offers and requests, Penn Station, Public Transportation, Questions, Stupidity

Is Our Tourists Learning?

Blonde tourist (after swiping futilely a few times): How do I swipe this?
New Yorker (looks at card in tourist's hand): That's not a Metrocard, that's your room key.

–E Train

Overheard by: Laura

Posted on July 31, 2008
Ahhh! Real New Yorkers, Compare/Contrast, Default, On the Subway, Public Transportation, Questions, Stupidity, Tourists, Women

Public Transportation