Wednesday One-Liners Are What She Said

Conductor: Please stop holding my doors open in the back! (pause, no change) Stop pushing open my doors in the back! (pause, no change) Hey, I don't want no more people squeezing through my openings in the back, okay?

–Q Train

Overexcited tourist dad to little girls: Alright, Jade*, blow the bubbles towards Leah*. Yes, towards her, like facing each other, so I can take a picture… When I tell you, okay? Perfect. Okay, now blow each other.

–Liberty Park

Suit: Well, it's not very large by adult standards, but it's big for what it is.

–Queens

Male office worker: My drawers are getting tight already.

–Broadway

Old woman: Would you like to give a donation to help feed our pussies?

–PETCO, Union Square

Overheard by: Lex

Posted on January 30, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Backdoor, Clerks, Clothing, Compare/Contrast, Conductors, Dads, Height, Kids, Money & Class, Offers and requests, Old People, On the Subway, One-liners, Parks, Penis, Pictures, Public Transportation, Queens, Sex, Store, Street, Stupidity, Suits, Tourism, Tourists, Union Square and East Village, Vagina, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

Armani's New Overall Line Has Left Everyone Confused

Queer: I need to cut my fingernails. I keep meaning to get clippers, but then I forget.
Girl assistant: Why don't you just bite them?
Queer (offended): I am not a farmer!

–Queens

Overheard by: Jodi

Posted on January 28, 2015
Advice, Body Parts, Compare/Contrast, Default, Girls, Queens, Queer guys, Questions

F–king with the Imports (NYC Short Stories)

Tourist lady: Does this A train go to Jamaica?
NY chick: The A train doesn’t go to Jamaica.
Tourist lady: Is this the A train?
NY chick: Yes.
Tourist lady: And it goes to Jamaica?
NY chick: The A train does not go to Jamaica.
Tourist lady: But I need the A train.
NY chick: This is it.
Tourist lady: I need the A train to Jamaica.
NY chick: The A train does not…Oh forget it. This is your train, lady, get on!

–Times Square station

Overheard by: Cat

Tourist guy: Do you live here?…Excuse me, do you live here?
Black woman: Yeah, what do you want?
Tourist guy: Is this the 6 train?
Black woman: Yeah, sure.
Tourist guy: So it will take me to Grand Central?
Black woman: Yeah, no doubt…But it’s weekend, so you never know where the train is going to take you.

–Q train

Overheard by: Josh

Posted on January 24, 2015
Ahhh! Real New Yorkers, Black People, Directions, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On the Subway, Queens, Stupidity, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Times Square, Tourists, Women

Wednesday One-Liners Support a Woman's Right to Shoes

Woman on cell: I would totally bind my feet for a good pair of shoes if they didn't have them in my size.

–Queens Boulevard

Passing hobo to girl with violin case: You have very nice boots… for a musician.

–85th & Columbus

Overheard by: cisium

Lady on cell: Go to the bathroom? Put our shoes on? On my god!

–113th & Amsterdam

Overheard by: Ladle

Drunk woman: I've been wearing high heels so long, my uterus is tilted!

–PATH

Overheard by: Best line I heard all night

Woman complaining on phone: He's wearing high-heels, and it's raining!

–2nd Ave & 12th St

Overheard by: Thommy Tuff Nutz

Posted on January 21, 2015
Body Parts, Compliments, Drunks, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Hobos, On Cell, Queens, Questions, Shoes, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Weather, Women

Swing Low Sweet Chariots

Teen girl #1: I hate you. Your boobs are always so cute and perky!
Teen girl #2: Yeah, but when I’m not wearing a bra, they’re like…down to my navel.

–Kew Gardens

Posted on January 17, 2015
Beauty, Queens, Rack, Teens

Wednesday One-liners Got It in Pearl

Guy: I mean, eating your own cum is one thing, but eating it on a pizza four hours later? I should probably keep my voice down…

–43rd & 8th

Posted on January 16, 2015
Body Parts, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Food, Getting Off, Manhattan, Masturbation, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Pizza, Queens, Restaurants & Cafes, Sex, Sex & Relationships, Stupidity, Teens, The Village, Union Square and East Village

To Be Fair, a Lot Of Us Would Like to Forget About Connecticut

Skinny white girl: Okay, so you know how they're always saying “the Tri-State area”?
Hispanic friend: Yeah.
Skinny white girl: They mean New York, New Jersey, and Atlantic City right?
Hispanic friend: I think so…

–Nail Salon, Kew Gardens

Posted on January 3, 2015
Friends, Girls, Latinos, Names, NYC Geography, Queens, Questions, Skinny People, White People

Where Is She Working???

Hoochie: I’ve been working for her for seven years. And I’ve been wanting to smack her up for seven years. And tonight, she gave me the opportunity.
Cashier: What if she called the police?
Hoochie: She couldn’t call no cops. It was self-defense. She’d go to jail.

–Bodega, Bensonhurst

Posted on January 2, 2015
Bitch-slap, Bodegas, Hootchies, Queens

And It’s Too Windy for Air Mail

Mailwoman: Ma’am, the zip code you gave is for Michigan.
Lady: No! Illinois is in Chicago. My son don’t live in Michigan. Illinois is in Chicago! Chicago is a big state with lots of towns! Illinois is in Chicago!
Mailwoman: You gived me the wrong information, and I can’t help you.
Lady: You’re giving me bullshit. You’re fucking bullshit! Bullshit! Illinois is in fucking Chicago. This is fucking bullshit.

–Post Office, Jamaica

Overheard by: James

Posted on December 28, 2014
Anger Management, History & Geography, Queens, Stupidity

He’s a Method Bus Driver

Bus driver #1: Hey, Frank!
Bus driver #2: WHAT?
Bus driver #1: Dude, stop yelling at me. I’m right next to you.
Bus driver #2: It’s my bus driver voice.
Bus driver #1: You need to learn when the right time is to use the bus driver voice.
Bus driver #2: Jeez, sorry.

–Kew Garden Rd, Queens

Overheard by: Collegiate Cutie

Posted on December 26, 2014
Bus Drivers, Idiots, Public Transportation, Queens, Stupidity, Talking/Convos