Queer guys

Roe vs. Wednesday One-Liners

Guy, selling comedy tickets: Come on, guys, see the show! It’s cheaper than a Chinese abortion.

–Times Square

Kid: You may think of abortion like, "Oh, it’s gone!"

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: Emilia

Girl: Now I understand why people steal babies! It totally makes sense! We should legalize abortion.

–68th St & 1st Ave

Overheard by: Manic Mouse

Queer on phone: No, I’ve told you. I’m atheist, I don’t want to go to church with you. Well, I dunno what to tell you, mother, it’s too late for an abortion now. Maybe you should have used a condom.

–CVS , Cedarhurst, Long Island

Overheard by: Queer CVS clerk

Guy: So, she starts talking about abortion while I got a fuckin’ boner and I’m like, "Are you fucking kidding me?"

–W 42nd St & 8th Ave

Usually There’s a Gruelling Application Process

Queer: I am not paying for the appetizer, because it came out at the same time as our entree and it should have come out before.
Ghetto waitress: You have to pay for it, because I brought it out.
Queer: Well, when you don’t get money for it don’t be alarmed!
Ghetto waitress: You’re lucky you even got your food!

–Diner, 51st & 9th

Overheard by: Rich

It Never Gets Old

Man #1, wearing a wig: Ian’s penis was in my ear.
Man #2: Again?

–Vynl, 51St & 9th Ave

Overheard by: Van

Mice Have Always Been Fashion-Forward

Gay guy #1: Do you know that mice can survive longer without water than a camel?
Gay guy #2: That's gorgeous. I love it.

–East Village

Complimenting My Genitals Does Nothing to Contradict My Argument

Junior high kid: Nice bike, fag!
Guy on moped: Nice prepubescent penis, kid!

–Greenwich Village

Overheard by: Matthew

And Many Mojitos

Queer #1: Do you think you could kill a man?
Queer #2: Yes, but it would take weeks.

–Cafe, Greenwich Village

Overheard by: Don’t ask, don’t tell

Why All the Hot Ones Are Crazy

Queer #1: I need to lose some weight for the summer.
Queer #2: When I was in the hospital I lost 10 pounds in three days. What you need is a good trauma to get you started.

–Houston & Sullivan

Overheard by: endo

Yum! Wednesday One-liners

Queer: You are all a bunch of crackers…What are you laughing at, Jew? We have a cracker and a Jew, it’s like a Lunchable.

–1 train

…We Can at Least Make This an Educational Experience.

Adopted boy on PlayStation to gay father: Why can't we just get on this next bus?
Gay father: Noah, I told you, this bus doesn't go to where we want to go. Do you want to go stay at someone else's house? (under his breath) I'd like to send you to someone else's house…
Adopted boy: Ugh, well, how long do we have to wait?
Gay father: Until the next bus! C'mon, let's go wait in Hooters.

–Hampton Jitney, Queens

Overheard by: sarah

That's Why She's Dead

Preppy gay guy: I thought she already had cancer?
Preppy fag hag, dawning realization: You're right! She did… definitely.

–Bleecker & Grove

Overheard by: jams

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