Queer guys

What Is Art? Are We Art? Are Wednesday One-Liners Art?

Older gay guy on cell: In the 60s, you didn't need to have passion or talent to be an artist; you just needed to have a van, because no one else was going to haul your shitty art around.

–7th Ave & 14th St

Overheard by: Miss C

Girl reading sign at Frank Lloyd Wright museum: Oh… He was an architect!

–Guggenheim Museum

Overheard by: Antartic

Mom to little girl: If you look at too much art in one day, you'll turn into a statue.

–MoMA

Guy on phone: Yeah, she said she didn't think I would want to go, but why the fuck not? I'll go to a fucking museum if I fucking want to. I'll look at some paintings and shit.

–Downtown Brooklyn

Overheard by: Mark McLaughlin

12-year-old boy, looking at Picasso paintings: This is totally my thing, man, it's like free porn.

–MoMA

Who Let the Wednesday One-Liners Out?

Queer, to his German Shepherd: Steven, don’t play these mind games with me!

–23rd & 8th

Man, restraining his dog from following another dog across the street: C’mon, buddy. It wasn’t meant to be.

–6th St & 7th Ave, Park Slope

Woman dragging her dog away from another dog who is barking frantically: You know what? You’re just cuter than her. That’s why she’s so upset.

–Ditmars Blvd, Astoria

Overheard by: sara n.

Cop to his whining German Shepherd: Awww, what’s wrong baby? Did you see an asshole?

–West 4th Station

The Riddle of the Sphincter: Solved

Teen boy: I don’t see how a gay boy’s booty just expands like that.
Queer bystander: Actually, it doesn’t expand — it rips.
Teen boy: Oh, thanks. I needed that.

–G train

Overheard by:

Roe vs. Wednesday One-Liners

Guy, selling comedy tickets: Come on, guys, see the show! It’s cheaper than a Chinese abortion.

–Times Square

Kid: You may think of abortion like, "Oh, it’s gone!"

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: Emilia

Girl: Now I understand why people steal babies! It totally makes sense! We should legalize abortion.

–68th St & 1st Ave

Overheard by: Manic Mouse

Queer on phone: No, I’ve told you. I’m atheist, I don’t want to go to church with you. Well, I dunno what to tell you, mother, it’s too late for an abortion now. Maybe you should have used a condom.

–CVS , Cedarhurst, Long Island

Overheard by: Queer CVS clerk

Guy: So, she starts talking about abortion while I got a fuckin’ boner and I’m like, "Are you fucking kidding me?"

–W 42nd St & 8th Ave

Usually There’s a Gruelling Application Process

Queer: I am not paying for the appetizer, because it came out at the same time as our entree and it should have come out before.
Ghetto waitress: You have to pay for it, because I brought it out.
Queer: Well, when you don’t get money for it don’t be alarmed!
Ghetto waitress: You’re lucky you even got your food!

–Diner, 51st & 9th

Overheard by: Rich

It Never Gets Old

Man #1, wearing a wig: Ian’s penis was in my ear.
Man #2: Again?

–Vynl, 51St & 9th Ave

Overheard by: Van

Mice Have Always Been Fashion-Forward

Gay guy #1: Do you know that mice can survive longer without water than a camel?
Gay guy #2: That's gorgeous. I love it.

–East Village

Complimenting My Genitals Does Nothing to Contradict My Argument

Junior high kid: Nice bike, fag!
Guy on moped: Nice prepubescent penis, kid!

–Greenwich Village

Overheard by: Matthew

And Many Mojitos

Queer #1: Do you think you could kill a man?
Queer #2: Yes, but it would take weeks.

–Cafe, Greenwich Village

Overheard by: Don’t ask, don’t tell

Why All the Hot Ones Are Crazy

Queer #1: I need to lose some weight for the summer.
Queer #2: When I was in the hospital I lost 10 pounds in three days. What you need is a good trauma to get you started.

–Houston & Sullivan

Overheard by: endo

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