We Heart Wednesday One-Liners, Now More Than Ever

Guy to friend: Oowee! Some weed and a perm! That's my perfect New York day.

–West Village

Overheard by: Joe

Conductor: Step in, stand clear…let's go New York!

–1 Train

Overheard by: Ashley Nelson

Intoxicated creepster: Are we in Manhattan? What the hell! This city is so full of New Yorkers!

–St. Mark's Place

Overheard by: Lizzzzz

Bitter man on subway: I think one summer here would cure them of any love they have for this town.

–1 Train

Passerby to surprised-looking wife, watching fight: They're fighting. It's New York, that's what people do in this city.

–City Hall

Overheard by: ascorbique & almost famous

Grinning paramedic to female tourist in shock, strapping her to backboard after she was struck by a car: Welcome to New York!

–34th St & 7th Ave

Overheard by: Mateo que Feo

Posted on July 5, 2015
Accidents, All Wednesday One-Liners, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Conductors, Couples, Creepsters, EMTs, Fighting and ass kicking, Friends, Gripes, Guys, Love, Men, On the Subway, One-liners, Only in New York, Public Transportation, Questions, Street, Tourists, Union Square and East Village, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weed, Weirdness, West Village

Of the Blue-Footed Variety

Adult friend: Your mommy just had a baby! How is Jack* doing? Does he have a lot of bottles?
Little girl: No, just boobies.

–Economy Candy, Lower East Side

Posted on July 5, 2015
Babies, Default, Family Ties, Friends, Girls, Grocery Stores, Lower East Side, Questions

Their Penises Are Stuck in the Sheep

Teacher: How come the people in Australia don’t fall off the bottom of the Earth?
First grade girl: Super Glue!
First grade boy: Because they have their shoes on!

–P.S. 86, Bronx

Overheard by: Wendy

Posted on July 5, 2015
Questions, School, Students, Teachers/Professors, The Bronx

You'll Be Embarrassed When You Realize He's Talking on His New Bluetooth

Hobo to himself: The VA wants $200. (pause) How can I give them $200? (pause) I only get $320. (pause) Maybe I'll bribe them. (pause) No, that won't work–you need money to bribe people.

–Chase ATM, Grammercy

Overheard by: cmk

Headline by: Luminesce

Runners-Up:
· “He’ll Be Running a Hedge Fund in No Time” – again
· “I Guess the Facelift Will Have to Wait” – JohnAustin
· “In the End, He’ll Use His Sex Appeal” – Daniel
· “It’s a Catch-22” – Gary
· “Or Just Vomit on Their Doorstep Until They Cave in” – Fresca P
· “You Could Try to Sell Barack Obama’s Senate Seat” – Nick Pollotta

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Posted on July 5, 2015
Bank, Headline Contest Winners, Hobos, Homeless, Money & Class, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Questions

And Pro-Life

Lesbian #1: Oh my god, you so don't even have any Republican friends!
Lesbian #2: Yes I do…what about John?
Lesbian #1: He's not your friend. He just flirts with you on Gchat.
Lesbian #2: Oh my god, he so doesn't. He's had a girlfriend for three years. (pause) Plus, he's gay.

–East Village

Posted on July 5, 2015
Chat, Friendship, Gays and Lesbians, Lesbians, Politics, Questions, Union Square and East Village

Wednesday One-Liners Refuse to Go to the Outer Boroughs

Foreign taxi driver: If you know anything, you find job in New York. If you know nothing, you drive cab.

–Upper West Side

Cab driver to woman who just cut him off: Hey lady, learn how to drive! Go back to Park Slope!

–28th & Park Ave

Overheard by: natasha

Crazy drunken taxi driver: Do chicken wings cause pregnancy?

–West Side Highway

Overheard by: amalthya

Smelly cabbie to patrons: Oh, the smell! That is just fish water. Someone threw fish water all over my cab. That is the stink.

–48th St & Lexington

Overheard by: anon

Posted on July 4, 2015
Cabbies, Cars and Driving, Food, Foreigners, Jobs & Careers, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Questions, Sensory Experiences, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center

Why Would You Want to Break Up Such a Fabulous Spectacle?

Queer #1: Do you know the best way two break up a fight between two drag queens?
Queer #2: No, what?

–14th St & 7th Ave

Overheard by: Kelly Speich

Posted on July 4, 2015
Fighting and ass kicking, Queer guys, Questions, The Village, Trannies

Turns Out She Wanted to Eat at Subway.

Foreign hottie #1: Hello. Where is the subway?
Random girl: What subway?
Foreign hottie #2: Any subway.
Random girl: Well, where are you going?
Foreign hottie #1: The subway.

–2nd Ave & 1st St.

Overheard by: Bruce Lee

Posted on July 4, 2015
Directions, Foreigners, Girls, Public Transportation, Questions, Strangers, Union Square and East Village

Let Me Guess: La Boheme

Hobo #1: You know what, man?
Hobo #2: What’s up?
Hobo #1: Yo, I balls out love opera.

–Houston & 1st

Overheard by: Jonah Eller-Isaacs

Posted on July 3, 2015
Hobos, Music, Questions, Talking/Convos, Union Square and East Village

Now Try to Explain Cell Phones vs. Cordless

Cell phone chick: So if you upgrade to this new plan for $10 more a month, we’ll give you a totally free phone. $0, free of charge. All you have to do is mail in a $50 rebate form.
Woman: Wait, I thought it was free.
Cell phone chick: It is, you just pay me $50, and then send in the rebate form and they’ll mail you a $50 check.
Woman: Wait, but it’s not free? My husband will kill me if I spend
money on a new phone. What’s 50 minus 50?…I went to Syracuse University, I’m a college educated person, and I’m still confused. Is it free?

–Verizon, 34th between Broadway & 7th

Overheard by: Jordan the Intern

Posted on July 3, 2015
Business and Commerce, Cell Phone, Clerks, Family Ties, Girls, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, Questions, Shopping, Store, Stupidity, Women

Questions