Customer: My MetroCard isn't working.
Booth agent: Is it expired?
Customer: No, it's good until the end of the year.
Booth agent, looking at card: You're right, let me check it. (swipes card) Oh, you can't use it today because you already used it tomorrow.
Customer, looking confused: Oh-kaaay…
Booth agent: I will buzz you through today, but see your office administrator about this.
–86th & Lexington
Hispanic construction man to hot girl passing by: Ay! Qué linda!
Hot girl: Who's Linda?
–33rd b/w 8th & 9th
Girl on cell: So yeah, I was like, ‘That is a great costume,’ and then it set her hair on fire and I was like, ‘That’s gross.’
–CVS, 42nd & 3rd
Crazy hobo: That’s right! Arrest me! I’ll burn half y’all houses down… And set the other half on fire!
–Brooklyn-bound Q train
Overheard by: Incitatus
Pseudo-intellectual: She called me and told me there was a bonfire in her ovaries.
–MacDougal Street Ale House
Overheard by: Ladle
Creepster: Come here… You don’t wanna know what I’m on right now. If you come home with me, I will light you on fire.
–Columbus Ave
Concerned NYU girl to boyfriend about California wildfires: Do you think Cher’s house burned?!
–Water St dorm, NYU
Overheard by: michael
Patron: What do you suggest if I don't want red meat?
Luger's waiter: Another restaurant.
–Peter Luger's
Overheard by: glad I didn't ask for their tofu dish
Strange old man to girl : Would you ever wear your hair like that? (points to a girl with afro)
Girl: Um…no.
Man, getting off train: Good. Have a nice weekend.
Girl: You too.
Man: And don't wear your hear like that. Or your daddy might have to whip out his belt.
–E Train
Overheard by: Jessie
Hobo: Hey, where you from, man?
Tourist #1 (wearing fingerless gloves): England.
Hobo: I knew you ain't from round here, cos I ain't never seen gloves like that before
(hobo walks away)
Tourist #2: You should have told him they're really popular with tramps in England.
–105th & Broadway
Thug kid #1: What would you rather do, bite a cat’s head off or fuck Mrs. Kopf* in the ass?
Thug kid #2: What the fuck?
Thug kid #1: Pick one.
Thug kid #2: Fuck no!
Thug kid #1: If you don’t pick one they’re gonna let Mike Tyson fuck your mom in the ass.
Thug kid #2: Fuck you fag! You pick one!
Thug kid #1: Nah, I asked you first. I’ll pick after you pick
Thug kid #2: Cat.
–Jamaica Avenue, Queens
Overheard by: Nado
Drunk lesbian: Straight cheerleader bitches. I love it.
Girl next to her: Did you just call me a straight cheerleader bitch?
Drunk lesbian: I love you. Fuck you, cheerleader.
–Ani DiFranco Concert
Overheard by: alxie
Whiny old man: I hate the cold. I get so cold I hafta take a hot shower every night. How 'bout you?
Old woman: Well, Eddy, you're supposed to take showers all the time.
Whiny old man: How about that OJ Simpson?
–B3 Bus
Overheard by: Laura E.
Drag queen: With an accent like that, I know you drink.
German: No, really, I dun't!
Drag queen: But then how can I take advantage of you if you're sober?
–Lucky Cheng's
