Hella Good Wednesday One-Liners

Twitchy dude to no one in particular: What? You selling something? What you selling? You all are devils! Devil worshipers! Bunch of devil worshipers! Devils, devils, devils! See you in hell! Oh…I won't be there, though.

–C Train

Hipster girl on cell: No, the black marks are from me cheating on you with Satan. (pause) Yeah, now I'm pregnant and he won't marry me.

–23rd & 5th

Overheard by: Louisa

Young guy on cell, about video game: I gave them my soul. I gave them my soul! See, my soul legally belongs to you, so you tricked them. (pause) Give him his soul! Give him his soul! What? What? Too late!

–93rd St, Bay Ridge

Screaming man with ashes on forehead to man walking past on Ash Wednesday: You're going to hell you motherfucker!

–Penn Station

Overheard by: BK

Woman on cell: Satan don't wear no panties, negro. That shit flies free.

–Astoria, Queens

Overheard by: Celia

Posted on October 26, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, Astoria, Brooklyn, Clothing, Crazies, Crazy, Girls, Guys, Hipsters, Infidelity, Insults, Marriage, Men, Murray Hill and Gramercy, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Penis, Penn Station, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Questions, Satan, Street, Stupidity, Vampires, Ghouls, and Ghosts, oh my!, Video Games, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Everything Monkeys Do Is Gangstrous

Guy #1: That’s so gangsta, bro!
Guy #2: What’s so gangsta about it? They’re just feeding monkeys.

–Bronx Zoo

Overheard by: Angelina Salgado

Posted on October 26, 2014
Animals & Nature, Default, Food, Guys, Questions, The Bronx, Tourist Attractions, Words

The Day That Would Change Groucho Marx's Life Forever

High school boy #1: Man, you should just do what your body's telling you to.
High school boy #2: You mean to grow a mustache?

–Hunter College High School

Posted on October 25, 2014
Advice, Boys, Default, Hair, Hunter, Questions, Teens, Upper East Side

Details, Details

20-ish chick #1: Does he even know who I am?
20-ish chick #2: The guy who took pictures of you naked?

–Las Ramblas, W 4th St

Overheard by: Ladle

Posted on October 25, 2014
Girls, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes

Wednesday One-Liners and the Utterly Unsatisfying Conclusion

Guy, in chinese: Do you think I'm Harry Potter?

–Vivi Bubble Tea Bar

Girl on cell outside art bar: And I was like "Dumbledore, try some jeans."

–8th Ave & Horatio St

Overheard by: Jean Ann

Cute girl graduating to friend: I hate gowns… How does Harry Potter stand it?

–Columbia University Business School Graduation

Overheard by: Jen

Guy, after watching new Harry Potter movie: Man… that's it? That was a lap dance!

–42nd Street Movie Theater

Crazy woman wrapped in shawls: I'd kidnap and fuck Harry Potter for an eight ball of coke. (to onlooker) Why aren't you at work?

–Brooklyn Theater

Overheard by: JesseJack (I've got a Job)

Posted on October 24, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bars & Clubs, Books & Writing, Brooklyn, Clothing, Cocaine, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Crazies, Dancing, Film, Friends, Girls, Guys, Magic, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Movie Theaters, Movies, On Cell, One-liners, Questions, Rape, Stupidity, Theater, Violence, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, West Village, Women

Oh, Did I Say Single? I Meant Breathing

Creepy guy: Hey! Excuse me miss, are you single?
Woman: Umm… why?
Creepy guy: Well, I want to have an interaction with a single woman, but I don't wanna get involved if she has a man in her life.
Woman: Well, in that case, I'm not single.

–Q Train

Headline by: JR

Runners-Up:
· “And I’m Not Really a Woman Either” – NonQ-Train Rider
· “And Then He Resorted to Blasting Beyonce’s “Single Ladies” Everywhere He Went” – patticakes
· “How Accountants Get Married” – Safe
· “It’s Like Prom All Over Again” – lisha
· “Shockingly, This Didn’t End the Conversation” – mac
· “Too Bad, ‘Cause I’m Really an Eccentric Millionaire” – PeterG

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Posted on October 23, 2014
Creepsters, Headline Contest Winners, Marriage, On the Subway, Pick-up Lines, Questions, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

What Self-Respecting New Yorker Can’t Distinguish Between a Pothead and a Crackhead?

White trash girl, looking out of bus window: Look at Ed*. He looks like a fucking lumberjack. He needs a shave.
White trash guy: That Ed* -he’s a fucking crackhead.
White trash girl: I thought he smoked pot?
White trash guy: Crack, pot -what’s the difference?
Hipster guy sitting behind them: Excuse me, I’m Ed*’s best friend. He’s definitely a pothead. He never does crack. But he does look like a lumberjack.

–Q54 Bus

Posted on October 23, 2014
Compare/Contrast, Default, Friendship, Girls, Guys, Hard Drugs, Hipsters, Insults, On the Bus, Physical appearance, Questions, Weed, White Trash

…No, I Don't Speak English.

Guy: This place has some really cool stuff.
Girl: (silence)
Guy: But I feel like it mainly has stuff for girls.
Girl: (silence)
Guy: Yeah, so do you know any good bars around here?
Girl: (silence)
Guy: Do you not speak English?
Girl: Oh! You were talking to me?

–Bedford Ave

Posted on October 22, 2014
Brooklyn, Gender issues, Girls, Guys, Languages, Questions

Sick Passenger on the Bridge Would Be My Bet

Conductor #1: Grand Street next, right?
Conductor #2: What?
Conductor #1: Grand Street is next, right?
Conductor #2: That’s what I said.
Conductor #1: Okay, just checking.
Guy: Watch we stop at DeKalb.

–D train

Posted on October 22, 2014
Guys, On the Subway, Public Transportation, Questions, Stupidity, Subway conductors, Talking/Convos

And Almost As Stupid As Hot Aaron

Girl #1: I hooked up with Aaron on Friday. It was weird.
Girl #2: Hot Aaron or stupid Aaron?
Girl #1: Stupid Aaron.
Girl #2: Oh, my god, he is so hot.

–MAC Cosmetics, Spring Street

Posted on October 21, 2014
Beauty, Compliments, Default, Girls, Questions, Soho, Store, Weirdness

Questions