Wednesday One-Liners Are Simply Scrotacular

Tourist mom with mullet, trying to take a picture of cute five-year old boy: Stand by the testicles, honey. Stand by the balls!

–Wall Street Bull

Overheard by: oh tourists

Suit to street vendor: You spend the money and get blue balls…

–Astor Place

Overheard by: Colin

Guy on cell: Fucking shit! What the fuck? This fucking shit is fucking messed up! (pause) Whatever, mommy… just get me a large, it'll give me more room for my balls.

–97th St & Madison Ave

Big guy in chair on sidewalk to friend: So, I ate a pair of balls last night. Lamb balls. Hot and spicy.

–Heath St & 231st St

Overheard by: Km

Ghetto man to Dunkin' Donuts cashier: Yo, how much is da balls?

–W 148th & Broadway

Posted on September 24, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, Anger Management, Animals & Nature, Balls, BJs, Black People, Cashiers, Family Ties, Food, Grocery Stores, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Insults, Kids, Moms, Money & Class, On Cell, One-liners, Parents, Pictures, Questions, Street, Suits, Tourists, Union Square and East Village, Upper East Side, Vendors & Street Performers, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

…Along with Everyone Else in America.

Seven-year-old to another, after comment: That's what she said!
Mom, yelling: Who is this girl? And why do you both always know what she said!?

–86th St & Madison

Overheard by: Luther Cherry

Posted on September 23, 2014
Kids, Moms, Parents, Questions, Stupidity, Upper East Side

Wednesday H1N1-Liners

Sick girl: I probably don't have swine flu…but I was in Brooklyn last night.

–90th St & Lexington

Overheard by: UESider

Woman on cell: What's with this pig virus thing going around? It's killing people in Mexico, Europe, here in Queens… (pause) Do that many people eat bacon?

–55th & Madison

Overheard by: Jesus Jon

High school student, watching overheated and smoking car: What the fuck is this shit?! Dat nigga's muffler got dat swine flu!

–M86 Bus

Overheard by: Ben

Hipster guy on cell: Oh, your enthusiasm is just like the swine flu!

–22nd St & Broadway

Overheard by: BL

Amateur rapper, walking down street: If you got the swine flu, bitch, stay outta my hood! Cause the sun it is shinin' and I'm feelin' so good.

–188th St & Washington Ave

Hipster guy: Abby is a total germophobe. She was like, "what have you eaten lately?" and I was like, "a raw pig from Mexico. Is that bad?"

–76th St & 3rd Ave

Posted on September 23, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bus, Cars and Driving, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Compare/Contrast, Death, Fears, Food, Girls, Happiness, Hipsters, Illness, Insults, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Musicians, On Cell, On the Bus, One-liners, Questions, Street, Students, Stupidity, The Bronx, Upper East Side, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

What People Talk About When They Waken from Long Comas

Girl #1: Wait, Tara Reid is from New Jersey?
Girl #2: Yeah.
Girl #1: Oh my *god*, that explains so much!

–Backyard BBQ, Howard Beach

Posted on September 23, 2014
About Celebrities, Girls, Queens, Questions

Son: Women Are Evil, and This Is How We Mask Our Shame

Little Boy: Mommy, what’s THAT? [points to tampon machine in the bathroom.]Mom: It’s for girls.
Little Boy: But what does it DO??
Mom: It’s for girls.
Woman exiting bathroom stall: You’re gonna have a hard time explaining this one.

–Barnes and Noble, Park Slope

Posted on September 23, 2014
Boys, Default, Education, Gender issues, Kids, Menstruation, Moms, Park Slope, Questions, Store, Strangers, Women

“There's No Wednesday One-Linering in Baseball!”

Dad to whiny three-year-old daughter: And now you're going to try and manipulate me by crying.

–186th St & Ft. Washington Ave

Girl to friends: That's just the way the world is. You don't see me cryin' whenever someone calls me a fat bitch or a short bitch or an ugly bitch…

–23rd & 8th

15-year-old boy: Yo, I'd cry if that happened to me, but I'm just sensitive like that.

–A Train

Overheard by: pop pop

Girl: And then you know I take out my yo-yo and start dancing. And then you know I'm multi-tasking! I'm yo-yoing, dancing and crying all at the same time!

–LaGuardia High School

Woman on cell: Alex, stop crying. Stop crying. What about the breadsticks, were there at least breadsticks?

–34th & 6th

Posted on September 23, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, Beauty, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Crying, Dads, Dancing, Family Ties, Fast Times at New York High, Food, Friends, Girls, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Insults, Kids, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Nicknames & name calling, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Physical appearance, Questions, Should've Used a Condom, Street, Stupidity, Teens, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

The Jeremy-Said-So Defense Totally Stands Up in Court

Teen #1: Is it legal for someone to fuck someone under 18?
Teen #2: Uh, I think so.
Teen #1: Oh, okay.

–7th & Broadway

Posted on September 22, 2014
Age/Aging, Crime and Punishment, Questions, Sex, Stupidity, Teens, The Village

If We Give Up Now, Mother Nature Wins

Guy #1: Man it’s freakin’ freezing out! Isn’t there supposed to be global warming or something!?
Guy #2: Well, obviously we’re not trying hard enough.

–50th & Broadway