Wednesday One-Liners' Drawings Are All Over the Refrigerator

Little kid looking out subway window: Look mom! The projects!

–N Train

Overheard by: patricia

Three-year-old girl to mom looking at a painting: Why am I so biiiggggg?

–Brooklyn Museum

Overheard by: alison

Little boy, whining to his mother while following her the wrong way through IKEA: We're never going to get out of here!

–IKEA, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Lost In Space

Small child: Look at that pigeon, mommy, I want to eat it!

–Central Park

Overheard by: Natalie

Two-year-old girl (shaking her ass): Hubba hubba!

–Central Park

Little boy: Mommy! Let's go look at the hos now!

–Museum of Natural History, Native American Exhibit

Pudgy Asian kid standing in circle of sitting summer campers: The capital of Thailand is Bangkok! Who wants a tea bag?

–Brooklyn College

Overheard by: Thaibag

Posted on September 10, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Asians, Birds, Boys, Brooklyn, Central Park, College, Fears, Food, Girls, Kids, Museum of Natural History, NYC Geography, Offers and requests, On the Subway, Questions, Store, Upper East Side, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Words

Wednesday One-Liners Live in Upscale Packing Crates

Crazy hobo outside strip club: Good morning! (girl ignores him) I said "Good morning!" (girl keeps walking, not looking at him) Fine! I take it back!

–Broadway & 53rd St

Overheard by: JoBell

Bag lady to tourists: Hey, people! Welcome to New York City! Can you buy me a hot dog?

–Wall Street

Hobo: Hey! Can I borrow fifty million dollars for the weekend?!

–14th St

Hobo on train: Ladies and gentlemen, can I have your attention please! My name is Al, but you can caaaaaaaaalllllll me…homeless.

–L Train

Homeless guy: Hi everyone, my name is Eddie. Some people call me Homeless Ed, or Homeless for short. I know some of you hate homeless people. I didn't use to be homeless. I had a house, a job, and even a girlfriend. And my girlfriend had a girlfriend, so here I am.

–Uptown F Train

Lispy overweight hobo: Hey, sweetie! If I do some scenes from Days of Our Lives, will you help me out with two dollars?

–W 8th St & 6th Ave

Overheard by: Emily B.

Posted on September 10, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bag ladies, Bars & Clubs, Crazies, Fat People, Gays and Lesbians, Guys, Hobos, Homeless, Junk Food & Fast Food, Money & Class, Movies, Music, Names, Nicknames & name calling, Offers and requests, On the Subway, Panhandling, Questions, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, West Village

Wednesday One-Liners Phone Home

20-something woman: Why do I have a phone number for "Shrek" in my phone?

–1 Train

Overheard by: Poogins

Older, bald man on phone: Mom! I told you, you don't have to call me everyday. Just call me once a month…to see if I'm alive!

–Times Square

40-something suit on cell: You know what would be fine, mom? If you just stopped calling. That'd be fine! Just fine! Of course I want to hear from you, but just stop calling. It's over. Over. Don't call no more.

–Park Slope, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Oedipus

Crazy lady on cell (at the top of her lungs): Yo, douchebag! Where are my fucking children? I want to see my children. You owe my $10,000 in child support. And you know what? They're not even your kids! Ha! Oh, and my phone's dead.

–AirTrain

White girl on phone: Well, on the phone he doesn't even sound black. So just introduce him to your parents over the phone…

–28th & Broadway

Overheard by: Vanessa

Lunching lady: She's 718, acts like she's 212…but really, she's so 516!

–4 Train

Overheard by: JC

Posted on September 10, 2008
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Cell Phone, Compare/Contrast, Crazies, Death, Girls, Insults, Kids, Men, Money & Class, Movies, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Offers and requests, Old People, On Cell, On the Subway, Parents, Park Slope, Questions, Race, Relationships, Suits, Times Square, Trains Not Subway, White People, Women

No Chimichangas?

Gay guy #1: So how was the party last night?
Gay guy #2: Oh, it wasn't too bad, but there were a bit too many tacos and not enough sausages, if you know what I mean.

–Fordham University

Posted on September 9, 2008
Celebrations/Parties, Default, Food, Fordham, Friends, Gender issues, Innuendo, Queer guys, Questions, Sexuality, Words

Reproduction in the Year 2060

Woman (coming out of store): Where the hell you been?
Man (waiting on sidewalk): Right here!
Woman: The whole time?
Man: Yeah.
Woman: I got pregnant.
Man: …what, just now?

–Fulton Mall, Brooklyn

Posted on September 9, 2008
Brooklyn, Default, Malls, Men, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Questions, Time, Weirdness, Women

We Just Don't Have the Upper Body Strength to Lift the Victory Trophies

Boy: So, why can guys flaunt their sexual conquests and girls can't?
Girl: Well duh, that's just how biology works!

–113th & Broadway

Posted on September 9, 2008
Boys, Compare/Contrast, Default, Gender issues, Girls, Questions, Science, Sexuality, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center

Remember When You Tried to Stack Those Turtles?

(a guy is selling brightly colored books titled How to Roll a Blunt for Dummies)
Five-year-old kid: Mommy, whats that book about???
Mother (flustered and pushing him away): Umm…umm…uhhh… Honey, not all books are educational!

–Penn Station

Posted on September 9, 2008
Books & Writing, Default, Education, Kids, Moms, Parents, Penn Station, Questions

For Bonus Points, Answer the Question with Two Dicks in Your Mouth

Female lawyer: Did you see that video where that girl from South Carolina was asked why Americans can't read maps?
Male lawyer: Yeah, she was a teenage beauty contestant. I tell you, I've heard drunk girls with two dicks in their mouth make more sense than that bitch.
Female lawyer: Don't call her a bitch. She was probably just nervous.
Male lawyer: Excuse me, she's a beauty contestant. The only difference between a beauty contestant and an inflatable doll is where you blow into them.
Female lawyer: Excuse me, but I was in a few beauty contests when I was a teenager.
Male lawyer: Really? So tell me, why can't Americans read maps?

–Supreme Court, Jamaica

Overheard by: Big Larry

Posted on September 9, 2008
Compare/Contrast, Default, Education, Global Geography, Government, Insults, Lawyers, Men, Queens, Questions, Stupidity, Women

Nothing Like a Malomar in a Nurse's Outfit

Woman at ATM: Well, she could use a little piece of chocolate in a uniform.
Friend: Who couldn't?

–45th & Lex

Posted on September 8, 2008
Advice, Clothing, Default, Food, Friends, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Questions, Women

Betrayal Is My Anti-Drug

(Outside American Apparel)
Dude sitting on bench: How you gonna have me as one of your top 8 friends on MySpace and not hook me up with drugs?
Dude leaving store: Fuck you, nigga.

–Orchard & Houston

Overheard by: pink panties

Posted on September 8, 2008
Default, Drugs, Gripes, Guys, Insults, Myspace, Questions, Soho

Questions