Wednesday Go-Down-On-Liners

Wholesome-looking man, walking with several families with kids and carrying a cross: Jesus Christ died for our sins today so that we can all give blowjobs whenever we want!

–Union Square

Girl with food: Do you think I'll get on the JumboTron if I deep throat this pickle?

–MSG: Rangers – Caps Playoff Game

40-something, during high school reunion: How dare you tell my husband I gave you a blowjob? I was a virgin in high school!

–Outside Jake's Dillemma

Women on cell: I told him, if he didn't start shampooing his pubes I would stop blowing him!

–14th St & 9th Ave

Middle-aged Romanian: I heard he gives better BJs than Santa Claus!

–Astoria

Overheard by: Crazy Romanians

Posted on June 12, 2018
All Wednesday One-Liners, Astoria, Balls, Bars & Clubs, BJs, Cleanliness, Compare/Contrast, Death, Families, Food, Foreigners, Girls, Jesus, Madison Square Garden, Marriage, Men, On Cell, Penis, Questions, Rumor Has It, School and studying, The Village, Threats, TV, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Virginity, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

…Which Is Where I Keep My Cookbooks

Woman looking at cookbooks: Do you have a big kitchen?
Friend: Well, kinda. I've got a stove with two burners, and a microwave.

–Bleecker & Cornelia

Posted on June 1, 2018
Books & Writing, Friends, Questions, The Village, Women

Probably Why Adam Sandler’s Career Is in a Freefall

20-something dude #1: Dude, did you just fart?
20-something dude #2: Shit, that stinks.
20-something dude #1: It smells like a turd wrapped in burnt hair!
20-something dude #2: It smells like Bigfoot’s dick!
20-something dude #1: It smells like the inside of a prosthetic leg!
[Five minutes of same.]20-something chick, exasperated: You know, this isn’t funny anymore!

–Metro-North Train to Poughkeepsie

Overheard by: Jenni

Posted on May 26, 2018
Anger Management, Compare/Contrast, Default, Etiquette, Farting & Burping, Girls, Guys, Questions, Scents of the City, Sensory Experiences, Trains Not Subway, Words

Six Wednesday One-Liners Under

Girl on phone: Did he actually try to kill you, or is this like the time at the supermarket when you thought the cashier was coming onto you because he touched your hand giving you change?

–Time Square

HR person: I don't want to whack her until I have to. But I probably will.

–Broadway

Little boy to mom: Mommy, what does it feel like to die?

–7th & Carroll, Park Slope

Well-dressed man on cell: I know, we need to make sure that none of them live.

–8th St & Broadway

Seven-year-old girl to mom, after being scolded: I'm going to kill you.

–4 Train

Long Island woman: Well, sure, it's a great place if you want to be raped and murdered every day.

–LIRR

Overheard by: Cori

Posted on May 23, 2018
All Wednesday One-Liners, Body Parts, Clerks, Death, Girls, Kids, Men, Moms, Money & Class, Murder, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Paranoia, Parents, Park Slope, Punch, Questions, Rape, Sensory Experiences, Should've Used a Condom, Street, The Village, Threats, Times Square, Trains Not Subway, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

If the U.S. Census Were Administered This Way, We Might Actually Complete It

Crazy man on subway: Now that its almost the weekend, it is once again time for me to share my knowledge. Now, how many people here have seen the Will Smith and Tommy Lee Jones feature film Men in Black?
75-year-old British man: Oh, this will be wonderful. Very scientific.

–E Train

Posted on May 20, 2018
Brits, Crazies, Film, Movies, Old People, On the Subway, Questions, Science

I Do Now

High school girl #1: Oh my god, I hate her, like, I have never hated anyone more.
High school girl #2: I know! She is such a slut. (pause) We're talking about Chantel, right?
High school girl #1: No, I was talking about Lacey. (pause) You think Chantel is a slut?

–Outside MoMA

Posted on May 18, 2018
Gripes, Insults, MoMA, Questions, Students

Wine and Wednesday One-Liners

Female college student on cell: Sorry, there was an incident. She was eating string cheese, and I told her she looked like a walrus. So she tried to smack me in the face but she couldn't, and I ran into the bathroom. So she tried to hit me with the string cheese, but I was like your string cheese will get all fuzzy. So she smacked me in the face with the cheese.

–Penn Station

Girl on phone: And then I stuck a string cheese in the microwave. Yeah, in the wrapper.

–57th & 7th

Sexy guy, looking at orchestra program description of movement "con brio": Does that mean "with cheese"?

–Camerata Notturna Concert, W. 57th St

Overheard by: Ladle

Older European woman to another: She's fine with the reference to cheese. I mean, she can eat cheese, just not the real kind.

–Union Square

Hipster: So she writes everything down in her cheese diary…

–Bedford & 4th

Posted on May 16, 2018
All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Apologies, Books & Writing, Compare/Contrast, Eurotrash, Food, Gadgets, Girls, Guys, Hipsters, Language Barrier, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Old People, On Cell, One-liners, Penn Station, Questions, Street, Students, The Village, Union Square and East Village, Violence, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Words

Which Is Four Million Times More Awesome

Pillow fighting girl to pillow fighting guy: Oh my gosh! Is that blood on your pillow?
Pillow fighting guy: No, I think I just hit a clown.

–NYC Pillow Fight 2009, Wall Street

Overheard by: Glory

Posted on May 15, 2018
Blood & bleeding, Fighting and ass kicking, Girls, Guys, Parades & Festitivites, Questions, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Weirdness

Wednesday One-liners

Russian lady: She loves to travel. Like some people alcoholics? She
loves to travel.

–Funayama, Greenwich Avenue

Guy on cell: Hey Maria? It’s John…from Biology…Oh, you can’t talk? OK. I love you. Bye.

–Washington Square Park

Euro chick: No silly, American football is like a girly version of rugby, they have rules and pads.

–66th & Lexington

Man: Look at all these little bananas! I don’t want none a these. These little bananas are for ladies.

–28th & Park fruit stand

Woman: You think that the players look at their butts in the mirror to see what we see?

–Yankee Stadium bleachers

Overheard by: Aryeh Jasper

Posted on May 14, 2018
All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Drinking & Drunk People, Food, Foreigners, Love, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Names, On Cell, One-liners, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, School and studying, Sports, The Village, Travel, Upper East Side, Washington Square Park, Yankee Stadium

And Technically I Think She Outsources to the Maid

Girl #1: Oh my god! I can't believe my mom only got a B+ on my history paper.
Girl #2: Well, I can't believe your mom does your schoolwork and writes your papers for you. Don't you ever feel guilty?
Girl #1: Umm…no. Since she's, like, paying for my college and stuff, then it's only fair that she gets to do the work.

–SoHo

Posted on May 11, 2018
Fakes, Girls, Money & Class, Parents, Questions, School and studying, Soho, Weirdness

Questions