Effing Wednesday One-Liners

Chick on cell: The well of his fuckwaddery springs eternal.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Wild Dog Boy

Columbia student: Fuck. Fucking titties! What the fuck? Fucking titties, this is some goddamn bullshit! I really want a snack.

–110th & Broadway

Guy to girl: Are you serious? I'm not fucking creepy, okay? I'm not fucking creepy.

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: NYU girl

Man on bicycle, yelling at car: Fuck you! Yeah, use your fucking blinkers, you fuckstick!

–10th & Broadway

Overheard by: Helene and Alice

Guy on cell, in monotone with no pauses: Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, I need you, I need you, I need you, bitch. (hangs up)

–M4 Bus

Posted on June 21, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Cars and Driving, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Crazy, Food, Guys, Insults, Men, On Cell, On the Bus, Parks, Rack, Relationships, Students, The Village, Washington Square Park, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

I'm Holding Her Purse, So Her Hands Are Free

Woman shopper to husband: Where's your spirit?
Husband: My spirit is broken.
Woman shopper : So you're saying I broke your spirit?
Husband to another lady shopping: It's okay, you can high-five her!

–Macy's

Posted on June 14, 2015
Couples, Customers, Questions, Relationships, Store, Women

A Lovin’ Spoonful of Wednesday One-Liners

Little boy: I love Manhattan! I love Tic-Tacs!

–Brooklyn Heights

Wife to husband: No wonder your eyebrows are making love!

–47th & 5th

Overheard by: anon

Biotech to texting friend: Now we’ll see how much he cares about you. I love testing people!

–23rd Ave, Astoria

Overheard by: sara n.

Gleeful hobo rubbing stubble beard: I love my beard! Mmmm, I love you.

–93rd & Broadway

Overheard by: punkee

Queer on cell: I don’t want love handles on love day!

–Lafayette & Astor

Woman on cell: Happy Valentine’s Day… Do you still love me, or do you hate me now?

–Hudson St

Overheard by: lilli

Posted on June 13, 2015
Ahhh! Real New Yorkers, Astoria, Biotechs, Boys, Brooklyn, Couples, Default, Food, Friends, Hair, Hobos, Holidays, Kids, Love, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, Queers, Questions, Relationships, Street, The Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

Even Hens Aren’t That Chicken

Teen girl: Do you like stroking my ears?
Teen guy: Do you like it when I stroke your ears?
Teen girl: That was one of the first things I noticed about you…that you were stroking my ears.
Teen guy: Yeah.
Teen girl: Have you done it to other girls before?
Teen guy: Wha?
Teen girl: I guess my boobs are really small, and you need something to grab on to.
Teen guy: …Do you ever cook meat?
Teen girl: This one time the mother of the kids I nanny made me make them chicken nuggets. But she left raw chicken out on the corner, and I had to make them in the bag with the Shake N’ bag, and I literally called my mother, like, sobbing, while I was shaking.
Teen guy: Whoa. That’s sucks that she made you, like, compromise your, like…Yeah…Yo…

–A train

Overheard by: subversively chic

Posted on June 9, 2015
Body Parts, Food, On the Subway, Relationships, Sex, Sex & Relationships, Teens

Guess Who Went to Preschool Boot Camp

Girl: Can we call a truce? Can we just say we won't bring this up again?
Guy: Well, you're the one who brought it up before.
Girl: That is bringing it up again!

–Chelsea Flea Market

Overheard by: Mike

Posted on June 9, 2015
Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Default, Girls, Guys, Offers and requests, Questions, Relationships, Store

She Meant the Melanin

White girlfriend: You’ve got something on your face.
Black boyfriend: It’s probably your hatred.

–Barnes & Noble, 8th Street

Overheard by: m-Co

Posted on June 7, 2015
Black People, Relationships, White People

If Shroomers Wrote Soap Operas

Standing dude: Yo, why are you staring at me?
Seated girl: Oh. Never mind. From the side, you looked like this dude I went to boarding school with. But you're not. I think he's on mushrooms.
Standing dude: I was on shrooms yesterday…
Seated girl: Scott?
Standing dude: Julia?
Seated girl: Shit!

–L Train

Posted on June 6, 2015
Drugs, Girls, Guys, On the Subway, Passengers, Questions, Relationships, School and studying

Just Hold It Like It’s a Dead Raccoon

Joking clerk to bitter man holding wife’s purse: Nice purse.
Man: Thanks. It came free with the relationship and subsequent castration.

–Fashion Ave

Overheard by: I think it was Dior

Posted on June 3, 2015
Comebacks, Fashion, Men, Relationships, Store, Vendors & Street Performers, Violence

Once You Commit to a Woman, Her Warranty Expires

Goofy guy, trying and failing to pick up a stranger: The thing is, I had a big fight with my girlfriend this morning.
Woman (about to get off bus): Oh, sorry. That's never easy…my advice to you is, reconcile.
Goofy guy: Yeah, well, but she's a little bipolar.

–Westbound 57 Bus

Overheard by: Susan Volchok

Posted on June 3, 2015
Advice, Fighting and ass kicking, Guys, On the Bus, Pick-up Lines, Psychology, Relationships, Women

She Just Made Him Blissful

Guy: Hey, hey shortie with the red hair…Hey, I’m talkin’ to you!
Girl: Yeah, and I’m ignoring you.

–29th & 7th

Posted on May 30, 2015
Manhattan, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Pick-up Lines, Relationships, Sex & Relationships

Relationships