A Gentile Yuppie: I once dated a Rabbi’s daughter, in the Hamptons. I went to a family barbeque, and he asked me, ‘Do you want cheese on your hamburger?’ and I thought, ‘Ah–this is a moment of truth–one of those key moments in a relationship, where the family will judge me–what should I say?’ and I said, ‘Yes, I would’–and then the Rabbi responded, ‘Great! Then Cheese for Everybody!'”
— Bar Tabac, Boerum Hill, Brooklyn
Teen boy: “Romanian”? What’s that, Italian?
–N train
Jappy highschool queen bee to Starbucks guy wearing earrings: Are those real diamonds?
Twentysomething African-American Starbucks guy: No.
Jappy highschool queen bee: Awwww I’ll mail you some real ones for your Bar Mitzvah, okay?
–Stabrucks, 78th & Lex
Indian woman: Are you Jewish?
White woman: Yes.
Indian woman: My neighbor in Pennsylvania was Jewish. She was a lovely woman.
White woman: There are all kinds.
–12th St & Prospect Park West
Overheard by: Bemused Brooklynite
White girl to boyfriend: I want to go to my father's country one day…I want to go where my father was born…Hades.
Boyfriend: Where?
White girl: Hades, I wanna go to Hades where my father was born…you know, that little island in the Dominican Republic?
–PATH
Woman: Yo, I just saw somethin really racist.
Man: What?
Woman: There was a sign in the subway that said “Jesus for Jews, Jews for Jesus.”
Man: Oh, that’s a religous group. Haven’t you ever heard of Jews for Jesus?
Woman: That shit’s racist! Jesus for everybody. Jesus for people of all colors!
–Port Authority
Overheard by: Steph
Girl on cell: Well you know, when in Rome. Who said that, was it Jesus? I think it was Jesus.
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Nathalie
Older sister leading younger brother to sanctuary rail before mass: Now, you kneel down and you pray. Fold your hands like this (demonstrates) and now we pray. (begins murmuring “Our Father”)
Little brother (eyes sister anxiously, begins softly singing): A, b, c, d, e, f, g, h, i, j, k, l…
Older sister: Are you praying?
–Jerome Ave & Morris Ave
Girl: Do you know if Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes will have a Scientology themed wedding?…I wonder what that would be like?
Guy: You probably kneel down on the altar after the vows, suck L. Ron Hubbard’s cock, and then pay him for it.
–L train
Overheard by: Aaron Booth
Pamphleteers: Take this pamphlet — we swear we aren’t fanatics!
Guy: I’m sure you aren’t, unlike those Jews for Jesus assholes.
Pamphleteer: We are from Jews for Jesus! [Guy walks away laughing.]
–St. Mark’s & 2nd
Overheard by: tired of those pamphlets
