Student taking exam: Mr. F, sir, I really don’t understand this.
Mr. F: See your ass in summer school, nigga!
Student taking exam: I’m sorry, what?
Mr. F: So, that’s not cool anymore?
–High school
Student taking exam: Mr. F, sir, I really don’t understand this.
Mr. F: See your ass in summer school, nigga!
Student taking exam: I’m sorry, what?
Mr. F: So, that’s not cool anymore?
–High school
Earth chick on cell: I had meditation and yoga class today. So, if you're coming over tonight we have to have spiritual sex.
–Barnes & Noble
Guy on cell: You're never going to believe this, but I need to tell you anyways. I just did some witchcraft.
–9th St & 3rd Ave
Overheard by: Smoking Student
Yoga teacher: Not being able to do something can teach you a lot about yourself. Like how you're a fucking loser.
–Midtown
Rich white girl with dog in purse: Yeah, so when I went to go buy a dog, I picked Pookie out because he's a Pisces and I'm a Virgo, and that way our personalities will match.
–C Train
Overheard by: evan
White dude to another: I'd like to see what his chi looks like.
–Chinatown
Overheard by: Aileen
Loud angsty teen boy: My life is a tragedy and I’m only in act two!
–LaGuardia High School
Overheard by: He’s no Shakespeare…
Actor: I almost woke up dead this morning. But I don’t have an understudy.
–Gallery Players, Park Slope
Overheard by: Emily B.
Guy: …and grimace could play Mary Magdalene.
–Lincoln Center
Shake Shack patron: It was like Menopause: The musical.
–Madison Square Park
Overheard by: Adam Nathan
Queer on cell: Honey, if you thought Menopause was funny, you are gonna piss yo pants at The Vagina Monologues!
–Walgreens, Union Square
Flyer guy to girl with Rent shirt: Why you gonna go see Rent? Have you seen it yet? The gay guy dies. Woo!
–Times Square
Overheard by: Minerva
Stagehand: Julliard is a school. It’s not like Spamalot.
–Lincoln Center
Overheard by: Emily B.
Student #1 filling out professor evaluation: What did you put?
Student #2: I wrote that I was unhappy with the lack of maturity he exhibited when referring to porn films.
Student #1: That’s pretty bold coming from someone writing in pink pen.
Student #2: It’s fuchsia!
–NYU
Professor: So when humans evolved to bipedalism and were walking on two legs instead of four, their sexual practices changed and they began to have face to face sex.
Guy in back of class: Well, I mean… it's not always face to face.
Professor: Well, it tends to be the most common and most comfortable way for bipeds to have sex.
(long pause)
Professor: I assume by your silence that you disagree.
–Barnard
Overheard by: You had to say that to the Prof???
Sad teen girl: I'm just sad… We had to talk about love and soulmates in English class.
Teen friend: We're teenagers. You gotta be shallow and superficial. That love and soulmate shit is for grownups.
–E Train
Overheard by: grown-up
Cute little girl: Dad, guess what I made in school today!
Dad: What's that?
Cute little girl, opening arms wide: A giant poop!
Dad: Okay, honey…
Cute little girl: In the toilet!
–F Train
Overheard by: Laura
Professor guy: Why did you decided to take this class?
Student guy: Because I heard you were groovy.
Professor guy: I do not know what this “groovy” is.
–Cantor Film Center, E. 8th Street
Professor: They make disposable everything these days. Disposable diapers, disposable razors. They even make edible underwear, don't they? (class is silent) Yes! They do! (pause) Maybe I'm telling you more about myself than I should be…
–Wagner College
Girl: Wait, my panties!
–Franklin St
Guy on phone: I told you to take your thong off!
–60th & Columbus
Man: I do not want to know your bra size! Ever!
–Hunter College
Overheard by: Christina M.
Guy on cell: He wore boxers and it was like, "okay, so you hang to the left…"
–W 46th St
Older gentleman to lady friend: If this keeps up, I'm going to have to start wearing underwear.
–14th St & 1st Ave
Overheard by: Kat
Teen girl: You know what I don’t get?
Preppy friend: What?
Teen girl: If Mary was a virgin, how did she get pregnant?
Preppy friend: Uh…I think a white dove came down and landed on her.
Teen girl: … And where did it land?
Preppy friend: On her shoulder.
Teen girl: So a dove–
Preppy friend: A white dove. Impregnated mary on her shoulder. Yeah.
Teen girl: Who told you that?
Preppy friend: Sara, in Geometry.
Teen girl: … Sara is Jewish, you idiot!
–McDonald’s, Park Ave
