Young Asian woman: That’s why your country has such a low birth rate. In Korea the men just club women over the head and drag them home.
Young Asian man: [Pausing] I don’t believe you.
–Tosca, The Met
Overheard by: busyboy
Young Asian woman: That’s why your country has such a low birth rate. In Korea the men just club women over the head and drag them home.
Young Asian man: [Pausing] I don’t believe you.
–Tosca, The Met
Overheard by: busyboy
Girl on cell: Five hours later, I was still pulling cum out of my hair!
–13th St
Overheard by: questioning the physics
Drunk girl to drunk guy: I would love to be 5'8", I mean…it's like not tall…but like not short. (four minutes later, screaming) Yeah…like…too much thought is like…bad for you! (later) They should've jerked you off in your sock!
–84th & Amsterdam Ave
One of four middle aged men on a bench: Well, the key is to never swallow the cum, spit the cum out.
–Central Park
Overheard by: Dan
High voiced hobo to teenager: I want you to cum on my face.
–72nd St & Broadway
20-something girl on cell: Oh, you can't carry the microscope with you? Well, if you come here we'll have to forgo the sperm. If I come to visit you, then we can work it into the schedule.
–Ess-A-Bagel
Overheard by: Emma
NYU dude: How do you get cock-blocked while you're jizzing?!
–St. Mark's Place & 2nd Ave
Overheard by: IWasWonderingThatToo
Student, slamming reproductive biology book shut: Sperm! It's everywhere!
–Bobst Library
Overheard by: ttny
Professor: So when humans evolved to bipedalism and were walking on two legs instead of four, their sexual practices changed and they began to have face to face sex.
Guy in back of class: Well, I mean… it's not always face to face.
Professor: Well, it tends to be the most common and most comfortable way for bipeds to have sex.
(long pause)
Professor: I assume by your silence that you disagree.
–Barnard
Overheard by: You had to say that to the Prof???
European male model #1: You know, he’s albino.
European male model #2: Albino?
European male model #1: Albino? Albeeno?
European male model #2: Oh, albeeno, I know what that is. Red eyes.
American male model #1: What the fuck? Blue eyes, man.
European male model #2: No, red. They don’t have enough…
European male model #1: Ferment.
European male model #2: Yeah, not enough fermentation in their eyes. It’s biology… That is biology.
–Q Train
Overheard by: Julie
Guy #1: Which came first, the chicken or the egg?
Guy #2: That’s hard, man. I’ve never been good at science.
Guy #3: Me neither.
–6th Ave
Overheard by: Bored at the Office
Boyfriend: Can you believe they're saying the temperature is gonna rise, like, 5 degrees over the next 100 years?
Girlfriend: Yeah, but it's all based on scientist's predictions and computer models.
Boyfriend: Predictions and computer models? C'mon!
Girlfriend: How do you think they predict anything?
Boyfriend: But to force public policy upon us based on these predictions and models is a mistake!
Girlfriend: Force public policy upon us? What are you talking about? Nobody's forcing you to do anything.
Boyfriend: Hillary Clinton taking oil company profits. There you go.
Girlfriend: (looks puzzled)
Boyfriend: Booyah!
–Pool, 79th St
Freshman girl #1: What'd you do Saturday?
Freshman girl #2: My friend came over and I taught her the difference between a rifle bullet and a shotgun shell…cuz that's what I was meant to do.
–St. Francis Preparatory School, Queens
Suit on cell: And three girls we know will be there. They're all hideous. But at least they're girls.
–28th & 5th
Overheard by: Heinz
Man in suit: The building is surrounded by outside. Right before you go in and when you come out, you are outside!
–Downtown A Train
Overheard by: The Green Cat
Suit whining on cell: Aw, come on! I wanna be on top this time!
–Flushing
Overheard by: Zee
Suit: The only time I wore socks last year was during my swearing in.
–Maiden & William
Suit: You know, we should probably just send a company-wide email in the morning: "hey guys, we're fucked."
–Wall St
Overheard by: Tamcakes
Student: I just always assumed everyone’s love of integrals.
–John Jay Hall, Columbia
Dude: I had her up against the wall and was all like, ‘Jimmy cracked corn,’ and shit. She was lovin’ it.
–A train, 42nd St
Overheard by: Ilyse
Man: I did scream, ‘I love you Lindsay Lohan!’ when I saw her at the costume thing, but that’s just ’cause everyone else was.
–20th & 5th
Man on cell: No, not that Jim. The Jim who loves acid and foie gras.
–Metropolitan & Union, Brooklyn
Overheard by: liza
Conductor: I know you’ve heard of the love boat. Well, this is the love train.
–Metro-North
Overheard by: Mark Schilsky
Guy to girlfriend at table of friends: You just love my average-sized cock!
–3rd & 2nd
Overheard by: Chuckles
Nerd kid #1: Look! I’m demonstrating gravity!
Nerd kid #2: No, you’re not. That’s pseudo-force!
–3 train
