“I Have Scabies” Works Equally Well

Creep (yelling out of window): Oh, sexy! Look at you in that red shirt! I love girls in colors!
Girl #1 (yelling and running): I'm married!
Girl #2: Shit, don't say that. You look like you're 12, no one will believe you're married.
Girl #1: Yeah, I should have said I was a lesbian.
Girl #2: He'll just think it's hot!
Girl #1: I did always think that was so weird about guys.
Girl #2: It's not just guys. A lot of girls think lesbians are hot, too.
Girl #1: Yeah, like, especially lesbians.

–6th Ave

Posted on August 11, 2008
Age/Aging, Colors, Compliments, Creepsters, Default, Friends, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Lies, Manhattan, Marriage, Physical appearance, Sexuality

I Pray That Someday His Bell Will Save Me

Gay or foreign guy #1: But it has sentimental value to you. So you can say, “I have this memory.”
Gay or foreign guy #2: But that's not why I have the picture of Mario Lopez.

–Uptown 1 Train

Overheard by: Ladle

Posted on August 9, 2008
About Celebrities, Compare/Contrast, Default, Foreigners, Gays and Lesbians, On the Subway, Pictures, Queer guys, Sexuality

Nobody's More Prejudiced Than the Victims Of Prejudice

Young man #1: You know, I don't get it. Why am I being ostracized?
Young man #2: Those girls.
Young man #1: So what if I hang out with those girls! I like girls as… you know… friends. It's not like I'm straight or anything.
Young man #2: But, Jerry… You fucked all of them! You're not gay.
Young man #1: Just because I like to fuck girls doesn't make me straight, Okay? Geez!
Young man #2: Really? And all this time I thought that's exactly what it meant.
Young man #1: It just means I don't like assholes.
Young man #2: You're still not going with us to the drag show. Get over it.

–14th St & 3rd Ave

Overheard by: Tara O'Sullivan

Posted on August 8, 2008
Compare/Contrast, Default, Friends, Gays and Lesbians, Queer guys, Questions, Sex, Sexuality, Union Square and East Village

Hey, Bra, Check Out These Sweet Wednesday One-Liners

Frat boy: That is the last time I am *ever* jacking off to gay porn.

–Gristedes, 42nd St

Overheard by: …while sober or drunk?

Frat boy to another frat boy staring intently at a young woman dressed as a Hogwarts student: I am really drunk!

–14th St & University Place

Midwest frat dude: The ugliest girls in New York City are like the hottest girls I've ever seen!

–St.Marks & 3rd Ave

Overheard by: slohmie

Frat boy: Dude, I'm not hating -I love gay guys. All I'm saying is -they buy a lot of Kosher wine.

–23rd St & 7th Ave

Overheard by: Dina

Frat boy: We've had sex everywhere… In cars, in public places…I've seen her vagina more times than I've seen my mother's!

–Wagner College

Posted on August 6, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Beauty, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, College, Compare/Contrast, Drinking & Drunk People, Drinks, Family Ties, Frat Boys, Gays and Lesbians, Grocery Stores, Judaism, Masturbation, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Midwesterners, Porn, Sexuality, Staten Island, The Village, Vagina, Weirdness

Everyone's Had at Least One Crazy Wednesday One-Liner

College girl to her boyfriend: Yeah, but you always make sexual advances on my roommates.

–Lincoln Center

Serious student: Yeah, well, I really don't want to talk about my roommate's penis anymore.

–LaGuardia & Washington Square South

Chick to friend: It's not about the toilet paper, his roommate only used baby wipes.

–Spring St & Mott St

Overheard by: Nick Caylor

NYU kid on cell: I'm still hoping to live in housing next year unless my roommates find out that I got arrested.

–Mercer & Waverly

Young suit into cell: You pissed on my toothbrush!? What the fuck? Fine, I'll get you a new pouffe… Fuck you! Pink or purple? Just get me a new toothbrush! You know what kind! Always, right? The blue ones or the yellow ones? Well, did you get your period or no? Okay… Okay… fine… fine… fine! Look, I'll be home around seven, okay? (yelling) I don't care who you're fucking, it's your turn to cook! Right, fine, talk later, okay? (hangs up, to very attractive female companion) She's really just my roommate…

–82nd & Lexington

Posted on August 6, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Compare/Contrast, Friends, Home, Sweet Home, Insults, Menstruation, Offers and requests, On Cell, Penis, Prison, Relationships, Sexuality, Soho, Sorority Girls, Students, Suits, Upper East Side, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Washington Square Park, Wishes & desires

Thank God I Don't Have a Penis Anymore

20-something chick: So one of the side effects of my anti-depressive medication is a complete lack of sexual desire.
20-something dude: Oh well, mine don't do that!
20-something chick: Uh… okay?
20-something dude: … just saying.
20-something chick: They also make it harder for men to ejaculate. Not that I would know.
20-something dude: Yes you would, don't lie to me.
20-something chick, hanging head: …I know.

–114th & Amsterdam

Overheard by: Vicksburg

Posted on August 5, 2008
Compare/Contrast, Cum, Default, Friends, Girls, Guys, Lies, Medicine, Psychology, Sexuality, Upper East Side

Yadda Yadda Yadda, My E.R. Nickname Is “Dildo Boy”

Young teen: Holy crap! So what happened then?
Young teen #2: I didn't want her mom to find it, so I just stuck it in my mouth.

–Outside Magnolia Bakery, West Village

Overheard by: AwkwardTwig

Posted on August 3, 2008
Body Parts, Default, Friends, Sexuality, Street, Teens, Weirdness, West Village

The Next Cameron Diaz/ Christina Applegate Movie

Desperate girl #1: I think those guys are checking us out.
Desperate girl #2: No, they are looking for a waitress.

–Restaurant, Upper East Side

Posted on August 3, 2008
Compare/Contrast, Default, Girls, Restaurants & Cafes, Sexuality, Upper East Side

Chicks with Wednesday One-Liners!

Chick on cell: In the past three weeks, I've been to more tranny-hosted parties than non-tranny hosted parties.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Ladle

Mini-Asian teen: Well he's not a real man in the sense that he has a penis, or like, male reproductive organs.

–6 Train

Loud woman: I can't tell whether he's a lesbian or just gay.

–Bamboo 52

Overheard by: Aidan

Angry man: Suck my pussy dick!

–Canal St

Overheard by: Kaitlen

Black woman to group of friends, after watching an attractive black man walk by: Mmmmm, he so fine! I wanna stick my dick up that ass!

–Duane Reade

Bum on subway: (singing) when I go into space, I'ma take a stripper wit' me!
(woman puts a dollar bill in his cup)
Bum: I'ma take a trannie too, but the trannie cost extra!
(man puts a dollar in his cup)
Bum: La dee da!

–L Train from Williamsburg

Posted on July 30, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Asians, Black People, Celebrations/Parties, Columbia University, Compare/Contrast, Duane Reade, Friends, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Homeless, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, On Cell, On the Subway, Penis, Sexuality, Soho, Store, Teens, Trannies, Vagina, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women, Words

I Mean, Maybe If It Was Your Birthday or Something

Guy #1: I mean, maybe I would spoon with you if it was really cold or if it was winter and we were in the mountains or something. But I’m really not that interested in spooning with you or anything. That’s the last thing on my mind.
Guy #2: Dude, I wasn’t offering.
Guy #1: I mean, I really don’t want to spoon you at all. Like, at all. That’s not my thing.
Guy #2: I really was not offering at all.

–1 Train

Posted on July 12, 2008
Default, Gays and Lesbians, Guys, On the Subway, Sexuality, Weather

Sexuality