Wednesday One-Liners Could Do With a Cuddle

30-something woman to female friend: I’m so happy to see you! I haven’t had sex in a couple of months, except for a few straight girls.

–Carroll Gardens

Smoking chick on cell: I haven’t had sex yet either…I’ll let you know.

–1020 bar, 110th & Amsterdam

Overheard by: Ladle

Nilla wafer-eating chick: I don’t even understand why people have sex anymore!

–Columbia University

Guy yelling at a woman: Lady! Stop asking, I’m not having sex with you!

–34th & 6th

Guy on cell: Oh my god, do I need to say it? Fine! I promise I won’t try to put my penis in you. Okay?

–Avenue C

Overheard by: lingling

Guy on cell: That’s the thing about sex, it’s all in your head anyway.

–Union Square West

Overheard by: brita bit

Posted on May 21, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bars & Clubs, Brooklyn, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Friends, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Guys, Happiness, Lesbians, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Offers and requests, On Cell, Penis, Psychology, Questions, Sex, Sexuality, Smokers & Smoking, Street, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Weirdness, White People, Women, Words

What’d You Say? I Was Busy Looking at Asses

Guy #1: I love the spring time.
Guy #2: Man, you like looking at asses.

–Harlem

Overheard by: Evans Tucker

Posted on May 20, 2008
Body Parts, Comebacks, Compare/Contrast, Default, Friends, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Sexuality, Weather

Until You Promise to Stop Washing with Hot Pepper Sauce

Girl #1: It’s not a date. We’re just going to a show. It’s like if you and me went.
Girl #2: Except he’s not black and short like me.
Girl #1: And I love him.
Girl #2: You love me too.
Girl #1: I don’t want to suck on parts of your body.

–Madison Square Park

Posted on May 19, 2008
Compare/Contrast, Dating, Default, Friends, Friendship, Girls, Height, Madison Square Garden, Parks, Physical appearance, Race, Sexuality

…While Eating Ribs

Girl: What do you mean, you like her? Like, you-want-to-bone-her like-her?
Guy: Could you please not say that!?

–NYU Kimmel Student Center

Overheard by: A. Haven

Posted on May 19, 2008
Default, Girls, Guys, NYU, Offers and requests, Questions, Sexuality, Washington Square Park, Words

Motorboatable Wednesday One-Liners

20-something woman to friends: I mean they said they’d pay me $20 for it. I would show them one for $20, why not? One boob for $20? I mean, maybe they thought it was a big deal since we were at work.

–N Train Platform, 34th St Station

Overheard by: Regina

[Two young woman crossing the street. One turns to the the other and grabs her breast.]Grabber girl: Honk!
[Both giggle and cross street into Victoria’s Secret.]

–34th & Broadway

Overheard by: Chockita

Female boss to employee in low-cut shirt: Your boobs are awesome. But -I’m just gonna have to do this. [Pulls up employee’s neckline.] Because…I just wanna dive in there. Head-first.

–Theater, St Marks Place

Overheard by: fhqwhgads

Professor: So you see, men only like women’s boobs because of cleavage.

–Bard High School Early College

Tourist girls: [In unison from the door] Booooobies! [Run to the big naked lady sculpture and poses to take a picture].

–Columbus Circle

Teen girl to friend: Julia! Put your titties away!

–14th & 6th

Bored, drunken guy in a silent train cart: So does anyone wanna show their titties?

–NJ Transit

Overheard by: Not drunk enough to flash

Posted on May 14, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bosses, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Compliments, Coworkers, Drunks, Friends, Gays and Lesbians, Gender issues, Girls, Guys, Lesbians, Lower East Side, Money & Class, Nipples, Offers and requests, On the Subway, Prostitution, Questions, School, Sexuality, Street, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Teachers/Professors, Teens, Theater, Tourists, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women, Words

If You Have Unprotected Sex, You May Hear the Pitter-Patter of Tiny Treats

Blond guy: Hey dude, last week I was sooo drunk.
Brown haired guy: Oh what happened?
Blond guy: I was at a bar, right? Pissed drunk. Then I saw this hot girl, took her over to my place and she slept over. We had a great time until we woke up, and the bed was covered in like sixty individually wrapped Kinder chocolates. I have no idea where they came from, neither one of us were German! They were just all over the bed. ’til this day, I still don’t know where they came from…
Brown haired: Wow.

–74th St Deli

Overheard by: Stephanie

Posted on May 13, 2008
Brits, Default, Delis, Drinking & Drunk People, Food, Friends, Global Geography, Guys, Questions, Sexuality

Cured It?

Little old lady #1: That one woman raised four girls all by herself!
Little old lady #2: Imagine what that did for her sex drive.

–St. James Theater

Overheard by: It only helps if she’s an incestual pedophile.

Posted on May 10, 2008
Default, Friends, Gender issues, Kids, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Old People, Parents, Sexuality, Theater, Women

Patrick Swayze Has Fallen Upon Hard Times

Schoolboy to girl: You know you like him.
Schoolgirl to boy: No I don’t! He’s disgusting! I wouldn’t let him even touch me or come near me… Well, unless we were dancing.

–6 Train

Overheard by: CSneed

Posted on May 9, 2008
Beauty, Boys, Compare/Contrast, Dancing, Default, Girls, On the Subway, Relationships, Sexuality, Teens

A Rare Sighting of the Elusive Emetopodophile.

Drunk girl to friends: Wait! Wait, bitches, shut up! This is important!
[Drunk friends turn to her.]Drunk girl: I totally just threw up all over my own feet!
Drunk guy: That’s fucking hot!

–Brother Jimmy’s Bait Shack, 92nd & 3rd

Overheard by: rebecca

Headline by: Adam

Runners-Up:
· “1 Girl, 2 Manolos” – Allyson L.
· “And I Can’t Wait for Volume II Of “Girls Gone Ipecac”” – NotoriousAR
· “How Paris Found Her Catch-Phrase” – Janet
· “If By “Hot” You Mean the Temperature Of My Vomit, Then Yes, It Is Rather Hot.” – CL
· “It’s Because She Vomits Lava.” – Sean McGurr
· “Matchmaker: Remember, Girls. Chunks Turn on Hunks.” – NewFaceOfEvil
· “Usually I Have to Pay Extra for That” – As do I
· “When Fetishes Collide” – Jon

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Posted on May 5, 2008
Compliments, Default, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Friends, Girls, Guys, Headline Contest Winners, Restaurants & Cafes, Sexuality, Upper East Side, Vomit

Explains the Doggie Sweater with the Red “A”

[Man with big dog is standing on the sidewalk. Man with small dog walks by. Small dog starts jumping at and around big dog.]Man with big dog: Is it a boy?
Man with small dog: Yeah.
Man with big dog: Oh, he better watch out! [Gestures to his dog.] She’s a slut!

–Washington Place, Outside Pless Hall

Overheard by: Caliban

Posted on May 4, 2008
Advice, Default, Gender issues, Man's Best Friend, Men, Questions, Sexuality, Strangers, The Village

Sexuality

Motorboatable Wednesday One-Liners