Wednesday One-Liners Are for Keeping Airports in

Girl to friends, while walking past bar: Oh, this is the place I got drunk at, then woke up in Queens.

–40th & 7th

Overheard by: Jesse

Drunk Italian guy, entering uptown NRW station: Uptown and Queens? That’s where all the pussy is!

–23rd & Broadway

Overheard by: Zarek

Middle-aged black woman on phone: I can see all Queens from up in here, nigga. Aw, damn, I can see that Rhode Island shit now.

–Roosevelt Island Tram

Overheard by: Jack Fleming

20-Something hipster girl on cell: Why do you have to get off the phone? You’re eating? Again? You big fat ass… God, I hate Queens.

–Queens Bridge

Overheard by: SL

Conductor over loudspeaker: You are now on the N train running to Queens… Unlike yesterday when I was in Queens running the train on all of youse. Enjoy.

–N Train

Overheard by: Kevin

Voice from dressing room stall: I am at a Sears in Queens. S. O. S.

–Sears, Rego Park, Queens

Overheard by: Ladle

Posted on May 28, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Black People, Compare/Contrast, Diet/Weight, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Friends, Girls, Guys, Hipsters, Insults, Italians, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Murray Hill and Gramercy, NYC Geography, Offers and requests, On the Subway, Public Transportation, Queens, Questions, Sensory Experiences, Sexuality, Store, Subway conductors, Women

Dr. Frankenstein Spoiled His Daughter Badly

Drunk girl #1: We’re going to the Taj Lounge!
Drunk girl #2: Yeah we’re going to the Taj Lounge! [To random guy.] Get your hot ass to the Taj Lounge!
Drunk girl #1: Leave your face here!

–21st St

Posted on May 27, 2008
Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Default, Drunks, Friends, Girls, Insults, Leisure, Offers and requests, Sexuality

Too Bad Kubrick Could Only Be Truly Understood After His Death

Chick #1: I saw A Clockwork Orange this weekend.
Chick #2: What’d you think?
Chick #1: Um… [Long pause.] British men are hot.

–Barnes & Noble

Posted on May 27, 2008
Beauty, Compliments, Default, Foreigners, Girls, Movies, Questions, Sexuality, Store

Like the Fingers on a Baseball Glove

Girl #1: That guy over there is so attractive… And he has a huge penis. I can tell from his fingers.
Girl #2: What?
Girl #1: Yeah, you can totally tell what a guy’s penis would look like based on their fingers. That’s how I knew it hurt when you lost your virginity before you even told me…I saw his fingers.

–1 Train

Posted on May 24, 2008
Beauty, Body Parts, Default, Friends, Girls, On the Subway, Penis, Physical appearance, Sexuality, Virginity, Weirdness

I Didn’t Have the Heart to Correct Her When She Used It in the Garden

NYU smoker chick #1: You know, she doesn’t even do it at all.
NYU smoker chick #2: Like never? Wow, no wonder she’s so unhappy.
NYU smoker chick #1: Yeah, that’s what I said! I even bought her a vibrator, but she won’t use it!
NYU smoker chick #2: Really?
NYU smoker chick #1: Yeah, it was cute and everything. It looks like a flower. It was called the petal pleaser.

–NYU, University Place

Posted on May 22, 2008
Compare/Contrast, Default, Dildos and Vibrators, Gifts, Girls, Names, Sexuality, Smokers & Smoking, Students, The Village

It’s the Best AA Meeting in Midtown

Alleged heterosexual Male #1: I ended up doing a body shot of tequila off of Peter…
Alleged heterosexual Male #2: That’s not the point.

–57th St

Posted on May 22, 2008
Default, Drinking & Drunk People, Friends, Guys, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Sexuality

Let’s Pray It’s Not Another Mannequin Sequel

Frat boy #1: Dude! Look at that girl in that store… She’s checkin’ me out.
Frat boy #2: Dude, that’s a mannequin!
Frat boy #1: Oh.

–Rockefeller Center

Overheard by: Michelle

Posted on May 22, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Compare/Contrast, Frat Boys, Gender issues, Rockefeller Center, Sexuality, Stupidity

Wednesday One-Liners Will Kick Your Ass at Beer Pong

Frat boy on cell: Next time this happens, just grab him by the penis and drag him into bed.

–Grand Central

Frat boy: I mean, STDs are nothing to worry about. There are more Pokemon than there are STDs!

–Bryant Park

Overheard by: Pikachu

Enthusiastic frat boy: Sure, sure, but back in history when there were no diseases…

–57th Street & 8th

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Frat boy on cell: If I were him, I’d tell her to get her boobs put in too, as long as she’s already under.

–Mercer & 8th

Incensed frat-type dude on cell: Dude! I didn’t fingerbang your sister in Tijuana! I’m not a snake like that. I fingerbanged her in Cancun, so it was on American soil… And you were in the next bed. Tell me you don’t remember any of this?!

–NR Train

Posted on May 21, 2008
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Bryant Park, Compare/Contrast, Family Ties, Frat Boys, Global Geography, Grand Central, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, Penis, Sex, Sexuality, STDs, The Village, Trains Not Subway, TV

Wednesday Doing-Liners

Socialite-in-training: So all I had in this stupid bar in Las Vegas is a vodka tonic and a whiff of cocaine and before I know it I’m making out with a guy that I distinctly remember saying "I don’t like you" to. Yeah… That happened a lot this summer…

–116th & Broadway

Yuppie: I’m in fucking Penn station, I don’t know if it’s fucking snowing outside. I hope six falls up my nose tonight.

–Penn Station

Student on cell: I mean, I could say there are people going into finance doing lines of coke on a Monday night and here I am, doing work.

–114th b/w Broadway & Amsterdam

Kid, walking out of middle school: Man, I could really use some cocaine!

–East Village

Model to friend about styling team: Yo, before I knew they were from California, I thought they were on coke…

–Crwon Heights

Overheard by: Cuttie

Yuppie to friend: No, seriously. He’s not a jerk at all. He’s a cokehead. You’ll love him.

–Essex & Rivington

Posted on May 21, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Brooklyn, Cocaine, Compare/Contrast, Drinks, Friends, Jobs & Careers, K-I-S-S-I-N-G, Kids, Lower East Side, On Cell, Penn Station, Rich people, Sexuality, Students, U.S. Geography, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Weather, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Yuppies

We’re Bringin’ Wednesday One-Liners Back

African tourist: All New Yorkers are sexy! That’s why I love this city. Everywhere I go, sexy. The cops, the people…

–Broadway & Chambers St.

Metro newspaper guy: Hey sexy man, take a metro and be a lot sexier!

–34th & 7th

Overheard by: Dora Watson

Loud freshman boy, entering cafeteria with more freshmen: And she pinched my nipple, but it was sexy!

–Edward R. Murrow High School

Overheard by: Kris S.

Student commenting on a painting of Mary and Jesus by Raphael: In this painting Mary has a little more of a…I don’t know, sexual aura. Her face is more narrow, I can kind of see her breast. She has her leg bent in a sexy way kind of like saying "I’m not a virgin anymore".

–Columbia University Art Humanities Class

Overheard by: Going to Hell

Skanky mom to three-year-old son: Hey sexy!

–Central Park

Overheard by: riana

Businesswoman to another: Who’s your sexy hoe?

–33rd St & Park

Tween girl with science textbook: You don’t understand cloning? Okay, let me tell you about it. It’s sexy as hell… [later] I stayed after class to get him to teach me about meiosis and it was really hot. I got so horny!

–F Train

Posted on May 21, 2008
Advice, Africans, All Wednesday One-Liners, Bimbettes, Black People, Body Parts, Brooklyn, Central Park, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Cops, Education, Fast Times at New York High, Girls, Guys, Moms, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Nipples, On the Subway, Questions, Science, Sensory Experiences, Sexuality, Students, Suits, Tourism, Tourists, Tweens, Visual Art, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Women, Words

Sexuality