Wednesdays Have Defense Wounds on Their One-Liners

College girl on cell: He told me he got in a knife fight with his dad, and I was like (sarcastic) "Yeah, okay! You got in a knife fight with your dad." (pause) But he probably did get in a knife fight with his dad…

–Columbia University

Girl to friend: Trinity is the school for kids from Choate who stabbed their roommate.

–Clover Club

Overheard by: Emily

Girl to friend: I will cut you in your face with a knife before I put my hands on you. You feel me?

–E 161st St, The Bronx

Hamptons club girl: You mean I cut him with a razor blade and I don't even recognize him?

–Outside East Village Club

Overheard by: DJ

20-something girl, on cell: Oh my god! Who the hell gets stabbed in the back of the head at a flower shop?

–Starbucks

Posted on August 11, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bars & Clubs, Body Parts, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Education, Family Ties, Friends, Girls, On Cell, One-liners, Parents, Questions, Shopping, Sorority Girls, Stab, Starbucks, The Bronx, Threats, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

…Or, Like, a Sex Thing?

Customer: Do you accept AmEx?
Cashier: Is that a credit card?

–Century 21

Posted on July 12, 2010
Cashiers, Customers, Money & Class, Questions, Shopping, Store, Stupidity

Ur Fir3d

Band dude #1: So… How do we break it to him?
Band dude #2: Buy him an iPhone?

–Broadway & Leonard

Overheard by: P. Mills

Posted on June 26, 2010
Cell Phone, Guys, Questions, Shopping, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport

Neo, What Do You Think?

Cashier: Do you have a Duane Reade card?
Girl, fishing through purse: Yeah… Where are we, Duane Reade?

–Duane Reade

Overheard by: Guy next in line

Posted on June 25, 2010
Cashiers, Customers, Duane Reade, Questions, Shopping

Which Explains Sarah Jessica Parker.

Girl: Oh, lets go to Prada!
Guy: I hate Prada! Prada means not eating for a month!

–Outside Prada Store, SoHo

Posted on June 12, 2010
Clothing, Diet/Weight, Food, Girls, Gripes, Guys, Shopping, Soho, Store

Make Him Suffer

Chinese girl: Come with me to Ikea on Saturday?
Italian guy: Get a boyfriend!

–Wall St.

Posted on June 8, 2010
Chinese, Comebacks, Italians, Offers and requests, Shopping, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport

Reform Wednesday One-Liners

Black guy on cell: Broadway is all gays and Jews and frankly I am sick of it.

–47th St & 8th

Jewish son: I did not call the rabbi to have him check up on you!

–Penn Station

Overheard by: NosyMormon

Suit on cell: Oh yes, I know all about you. You do crazy things. You eat rice on Pesach.

–Fancy Restaraunt, 79th St

Hobo: I bet if I put up a sign that said "hungry Jew," I'd be getting a ton of money thrown at me.

–98th St & Broadway

Old Jewish woman, exiting store with young woman: I know it's silly, but it was German. They killed six million Jews in Germany. I don't like to buy things that were made in Germany.

–Queens

20-something girl to friend: That Jew laid the spank on her!

–30th Ave, Astoria

Posted on May 19, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Astoria, Black People, Crazy, Ethnic Food, Friends, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Gripes, Hitler/Nazis, Hobos, Jews, Judaism, Lies, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, Old People, On Cell, One-liners, Penn Station, Queens, Race, Restaurants & Cafes, S&M, Shopping, Street, Suits, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Women

The “H” in “H&M” Stands for Hell, Ma'am

H&M employee: The manager will be here in 20 minutes.
Angry female customer: Look, I just want to return these pants here and I gotta go to the bathroom, so I'm gonna be urinatin' on the floor!

–H&M Store

Posted on May 2, 2010
Anger Management, Clerks, Clothing, Customers, Pee, Shopping, Store, Threats

Like “I Got Your Wife Pregnant, Vasectomy Boy!”

Male customer, walking in card store: Do you have any dirty cards? Like really dirty, nasty cards?
Sales lady: What do you mean… Like porno cards? We have…
Male customer: No, I mean something nasty, really nasty. Like really mean cards.

–Upper West Side