Cop: I won’t issue you a summons if you can answer this question correctly… What’s closer to New York, Italy or the moon? I’ll give you a hint. You can see the moon.
Perp: Ummm… the moon!
–Brownsville, Brooklyn
Overheard by: po-pos do give 2nd chances
Little old lady: But I am sure I came in on this floor. Don't you know the customer is always right?
Sales associate: This is the 3rd floor. Unless you scaled the side of the building, I'm right on this one.
–Macy's, Herald Square
Overheard by: stewed tomato
Thuggish black guy #1: That was mad niggerish.
Preppy black guy: Yeah, it was so fiscally irresponsible.
Thuggish black guy #2: Yeah, so niggerish.
–114th & Broadway
Overheard by: puzzled
Guy #1: You know, you never would have even heard of Halloween if I hadn’t told you about it.
Guy #2: Whatever.
–9th Ave & 15th St
Overheard by: Don Willmott
Woman #1: Guess who I sat next to at dinner last night?
Woman #2: I have no clue. Jimmy Fallon?
Woman #1: No. Denzel Washington!
Woman #2: Omigod!
Woman #1: I know, I love him!
Woman #2: I loved him as God in Bruce Almighty. That was him, wasn’t it?
Woman #1: No, that was Morgan Freeman, you dumb fuck.
–45th Street 7th & 8th
Girl # 1, looking at a picture: omg, I’m so fat
Girl #2: No.. you are just ano now.
Girl #3: It’s ani, not ano.
Girl #1: No, it’s def ano.
–Central Park
Overheard by: Neither Ani nor Ano
Guy: There is this guy who says that men and women are from different planets.
Girl: Oh, Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus. It’s just a metaphor.
Guy: Oh, right. They came on meteors.
–L train
Overheard by: Jason D. Schwartz
Judge to room packed with prospective jurors: I am going to give you a number to call in case of an emergency. You should copy this down. The number is 917-480… (pause) Oh shit! (mic becomes muffled). Um, sorry. That was my cell phone number.
–Supreme Court Building
Woman on cell: Our codependent lewdity shall rage on, Verizon! Take that!
–113th & Broadway
Overheard by: McF
Hipsterette to another: Well, you shouldn't have to sleep with someone to find out if he's going to call you back.
–Coffee Shop, Park Slope
Overheard by: TheGreenCat
Conductor: There is a C train just across the platform. For those of you who have a sudden urge for a change of plans and wish to abandon your plans to go to Park Slope tonight, you can hop off here and take the C to East New York. I hope you have a phone to call your family, you won't be home for dinner!
–F Train
Overheard by: Staying on the F
Girl in bathroom stall on cell: Okay, my phone is dying, I will call you later. (pause) Call you from a payphone? I don't know how to use one of those.
–School, Lower Manhattan
Well-dressed woman walking tiny dog, yelling into cell: You know what, John? You can e-mail, don't even call me. I don't want you on my phone. (pause) Hello?
–Columbus Circle
Cute guy to German flight attendant on layover: So, do you have cars in Germany?
–Barracuda
Overheard by: barkeeper
Girl: So, my mom is Jewish and my dad is Christian. Does that make me, like, bi-racial?
–Eugene Lang College
Overheard by: Still ashamed I go to school here
Hispanic high school girl: Is the Fourth of July always on a Friday?
–N Train
Overheard by: D-Law
Guy to friend: Well, that's nice, they have these machines set up for the visually impaired, but what about the deaf people?
–ATM, 38th St & Madison Ave
Overheard by: jennyooooo
Student: Is Swedish even a language?
–Columbia University
Trucker: What are you, stupid, or both?
–M86 Crosstown Bus
Black woman: Sixteen dollars? That paper better be made out of Jesus's ass.
–Barnes & Noble, Lincoln Center
Overheard by: Emily B.
40-something to friends: And what's going on with the fucking baby Jesus over there?
–Starbucks
Guy on cell: In my class, we were talking about how Jesus was a Viking warrior.
–Queens College
Woman, about Matt Lauer and Katie Couric: See, this is why Jesus Christ and the Pharisees didn't get along.
–22nd St & Park Ave
Overheard by: Rachel Peters
Woman on phone on the night before Easter: No, I do not want you at my house right now. (pause) I'm going home to watch The Ten Commandments and read my bible–Jesus is coming back tomorrow!
–B44 Bus
Overheard by: Micah
Drunk high school girl: If Jesus had discovered a cure for dry mouth, he'd be a lot more popular!
–Union Square
Overheard by: Smudge
