Drunk guy walking into a stop sign, enthusiastically: I'm still drunk!
Suit: Solid.
–Midtown
Overheard by: El conquistador
Drunk guy walking into a stop sign, enthusiastically: I'm still drunk!
Suit: Solid.
–Midtown
Overheard by: El conquistador
Hobo: Was it right to be kicked out of a house for being an adult with a child mind? You don’t get it, lady. There’s a whole house of adults with child minds. Whatever. See ya! Wouldn’t want to be ya!
–F train
Queer: He totally has to understand that he’s crazy and that those Martha Stewart people are crazy too!
–27th street office
Crazy lady: Well, I think you should give me my musical instruments back because I know that you’ve been stealing them every day for the last nine years. Yes, I’m sure! I have proof. You see, that’s not music. That’s not rock and roll. That’s just crazy.
–Bedford Avenue station
Overheard by: Greg Rutter
Crazy man: I already told you I don’t have no chicken. Besides, I gave you that tree last week.
–54th & 11th
Crazy woman: I’ve got demons behind me, shit next to me, and the ugly ones in front of me. I need an angel above me.
–World Financial Center
Overheard by: Dr. Ballon
Crazy bag lady: Stay away from the people! Stay away from the idiot Mexicans!
–Union Square
Overheard by: Kaitlen
Suit: …and I swear to God, man, the whole time? That creepy deaf-mute babysitter from across the hall?…is watching me.
–46th & 8th
Overheard by: ballpeen hammer
Crazy lady: I don’t believe this. Pussyass son of a fucking faggot!
–Lexington & 23rd
Hobo: Would someone please tell Courtney Love to get her goddamned dick out of my mouth? Thank you! Would someone please tell Courtney Love to get her goddamned dick out of my mouth? Thank you! Would someone please tell Courtney Love to get her goddamned dick out of my mouth? Thank you!
–19th between 7th & 8th
Suit lugging huge rolling suitcase to hobo taking up two seats on train: Pardon me.
Hobo (sliding over, looking at huge suitcase): What do you have there, a dog or something?
Suit (with deadpan look on his face, stroking suitcase fondly): I used to. (sighs)
(hobo slowly inches away)
–L Train
Overheard by: Cai
Suit on phone: The dream was strange…we are in a library …I say something like "it's a liability." Then you said "your mom's a liability." That was it…I don't know.
–Gramercy Park
Overheard by: POLA
Young suit to another: The world is not your oyster!
–Bryant Park
Overheard by: Amy
Suit to another, as 30-something woman in skirt and high heels passes by: Yowza! And that ends our case study!
–Madison Ave & 40th St
Overheard by: Casey
Stressed female suit: No one gives a fuck anymore. Everyone's just gonna do what they want. And any further complaints can be directed to my ass.
–University St b/w 8th & Waverly
Middle-aged Asian man in three-piece suit on cell: I mean, how can I live like Bond if I'm married?
–46th St & Madison Ave
Overheard by: dr. no, i dont do
20-something female suit on cell: Baby, I would love to go to dinner, but you have two options: dinner or sex. I only have time for one.
–27th St & Park Ave
Broker guy: So did you go to Moran’s last night?
Trader guy: Nah, can’t get these guys to go there. They keep trying to drag me to Light.
Broker guy: Oh yeah, you don’t like the place?
Trader guy: Nah, every time I go there I feel like I gotta check my testicles at the door.
–American Stock Exchange, Trinity Street
Overheard by: Dermot Lynch
Suit #1: So where are you going on vacation?
Suit #2: St. Bart’s.
Suit #1: Are you staying in a house or at a hotel?
Suit #2: A house. God, I hate hotels. Inevitably there will be one guest that irritates me; I’ll see him around at lunch or something. Then I’ll obsess about it, all vacation long.
Suit #1: Yeah.
–Landmark Gourmet, Pearl Street
Overheard by: freshie
Suit on cell: I said to him, "If I had my dick out on the bar, you think she wouldn't look at it?" and he kept telling me I owed her an apology, so I said, "Sweetheart, sorry I looked at your pussy." Listen, I gotta get off the train now. I'll call you back.
–LIRR
Overheard by: Pasty
Guy standing at lowered urinal to guy standing at regular height urinal: The low urinal is for the guys with big dicks, so they don't bottom out.
–Roc Restaurant
Guy to group of friends (boisterously): I only date chicks with small hands…makes my dick look huge!
–St. Andrews Bar
Overheard by: allimax
Woman (screaming into phone): Suck my dick, bitch!
–Near Manhattan Mall
Guy shouting into cell: We got a cab. And you can eat a dick.
–Hanover & Water
Overheard by: Kaitlen
Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, we are being delayed because some dick is holding the door. We will be moving when the dick takes his arm out the door.
–4 Train
Overheard by: jessie
Suit #1: Smells like barbeque.
Suit #2: It’s just us Jews.
–Union Square
Naked suit: You know, if you’re a terrorist and you wanna get into a building, you should just say you’re from Price Waterhouse or Ernst & Young. Nobody asks any questions.
–Vanderbilt YMCA, East 47th Street
Overheard by: Palaverist
Suit #1: Do you lose toenails periodically?
Suit #2: Seriously, I won’t bone your sister.
–Midtown
