Drink Deep, or Taste Not the Wednesday One-Liners!

Fabulous woman: That’s all vodka under the bridge.

–55 Bar

Overheard by: Girl Margaret

Huge man to small child trying to participate in conversation: No, son, we’re not talking about your school–we’re talking about Bam! You trying to get all up in the Kool-Aid, but you don’t even know the flavor.

–C Train

Drunk girl, accidentally taking swig of vodka instead of water: This wetness is spicy!

–Bergen St, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Gnomies

Skinny teen: I wish they made diet water.

–Times Square

JAP: I’d like a Pellegrino.

–Hooters

Middle-aged suit yelling into cell: No- I want to see you drink the bong water!

–Port Authority

Overheard by: Me Too…

Posted on July 23, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bars & Clubs, Brooklyn, Compare/Contrast, Dads, Diet/Weight, Drinking & Drunk People, Drinks, Drunks, Girls, JAPs, On Cell, On the Subway, Port Authority, Restaurants & Cafes, Sensory Experiences, Skinny People, Suits, Teens, Times Square, West Village, Women

Mom’s Fling With Josh Ended Predictably

14-year old girl #1: Did you call her a bitch?
14-year old girl #2: No. I was like: “Mom! You have chlamydia. Shut up!”

–B Train

Overheard by: Jessica

Posted on July 22, 2008
Default, Girls, Insults, On the Subway, Parents, Questions, STDs, Teens, Words

Bingo in the Parish Hall Prepares You for Eternal Torment

Teenage girl #1: Yeah, I celebrate Easter. I’m Catholic. It’s tradition for my family to go gambling in Atlantic City that day.
Teenage girl #2: Wait, isn’t that one of the seven unforgivable vices? You’re doing it on Easter, too. Haha.
Teenage girl #1: Yeah, well… We don’t really believe in that religion bullshit. Atlantic City allows us to stick it to the man.
Teenage girl #1: Is that Jesus? Wow, you’re going to hell.

–51st & Park Ave

Posted on July 21, 2008
Christianity, Default, Girls, Hell, Holidays, Jesus, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Questions, Teens, U.S. Geography

I Was on a Lot of Drugs in Grade School

Customer to punk teenage girl behind counter: I’d like a dozen rolls, please.
Punk teenage girl: A dozen… What’s that, like twenty?

–Delicatessen, Park Place

Posted on July 20, 2008
Customers, Default, Delis, Girls, Stupidity, Teens, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Weirdness, Words

Where Noses and Powder Go Together Implicitly

Teenage girl #1: When I was little, my mom told me that whenever I had to go to the bathroom, I should say “Excuse me, I have to go powder my nose.” But when I said it to my kindergarten teachers they didn’t understand what I meant.
Teenage girl #2: That’s because your kindergarten teachers, unlike your mom, weren’t bitchy, uptight wasps.
Teenage girl #1: Yeah, I know. That’s why I go to private school now.

–Terminal 5

Posted on July 18, 2008
Advice, Compare/Contrast, Default, Education, Girls, Kids, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, Parents, Teens, Theater

I’d Eat Gym Socks If They Were Breaded and Fried

(teenage lovers on city bus)
Teenage girl: Was that an eggplant sandwich I saw you eating?
Teenage boy: Yes, it was actually eggplant Parmesan.
Teenage girl: But, you don’t even like eggs.

–SI City Bus

Posted on July 17, 2008
Boys, Default, Food, Girls, On the Bus, Questions, Staten Island, Stupidity, Teens, Words

But It Took Her 20 Tries to Get It Right

Teenage girl #1: I feel so bad so bad for her.
Teenage girl #2: Why? She brought it upon herself, I didn’t tell her to snort that coke, I didn’t tell her to roll up that $20 bill and put it in her nose.
Teenage girl #3: Let’s be honest now, it was probably only $1.

–Forever 21, Union Square

Posted on July 10, 2008
Cocaine, Compare/Contrast, Default, Girls, Money & Class, Store, Teens, Union Square and East Village

Joan Rivers: Can We Wednesday One-Liner?

Suit on cell: So what does he think, he’s going to, like, eat scrambled eggs with these people and then they’ll sit down and talk about it?

–Shore Road, Brooklyn

Yankee fan: So, we was talkin’ to him and we was all like: "Let’s go to a bar!" And he was all like: "I like poetry" so the guys pretty much ditched him, so I was left with ‘im, and had to talk about his feelings and shit. It sucked.

–Yankee Stadium

Overheard by: I like poetry.

Religious flier nut to friend: We can’t talk about that out here because then they’ll know what we’re about.

–Delancey and Ludlow

Overheard by: Adrienne

Student (shouting): Okay, everyone: I’m doing this whole "day of silence" business so none of you better talk to me! I’m not supposed to say anything and I will be so pissed if anyone of you trick me into talking!

–Millennium High School

Overheard by: I’m staying silent…

Hysterical teenage girl on bus: Well, maybe you should have talked about it before you conceived me!

–M34 Bus

Overheard by: nina

Curly-haired chick on cell: I’m glad I can talk to you about my pubes with such ease.

–Harlem

Overheard by: Nipples McFreaky

Posted on July 9, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Brooklyn, Compare/Contrast, Etiquette, Fast Times at New York High, Fears, Flyer people, Food, Friendship, Girls, God Squad, Gripes, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Leisure, Lower East Side, Offers and requests, On Cell, On the Bus, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Private Parts, Questions, Suits, Teens, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Weirdness, Yankee Stadium

Wrong on All Counts

Teacher: Who was the first African-American woman court justice?
Girl: Judge Judy!

–Leon M. Goldstein High School, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Robert

Posted on July 5, 2008
Brooklyn, Default, Fast Times at New York High, Gender issues, Girls, History & Geography, Questions, Stupidity, Teachers/Professors, Teens, TV

The Sex Ed Teacher You Wish You Had

Teen sister: You mean to tell me you don’t find something wrong with a 13-year-old and a 12-year-old having sex!
Tween brother: It’s only a one year difference.
Teen sister: That’s not the point! Aww fuck it, but you better wear a condom, cause if you wind up someone’s baby’s daddy, I’m not stopping the chick’s dad from kicking your ass.

–Madison Square Garden

Posted on July 5, 2008
Advice, Age/Aging, Babies, Brothers, Condoms, Default, Madison Square Garden, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Sex, Sisters, Teens, Threats, Tweens

Teens

Mom’s Fling With Josh Ended Predictably