Teen girl #1: I have worn this shirt three times in my entire life, and every time I do she wears the exact same one.
Teen girl #2: That’s because she’s a slut.
–Poly Prep Country Day School, Bay Ridge
Overheard by: Casey Ross
Teen girl #1: I have worn this shirt three times in my entire life, and every time I do she wears the exact same one.
Teen girl #2: That’s because she’s a slut.
–Poly Prep Country Day School, Bay Ridge
Overheard by: Casey Ross
High school girl #1: Did you see Juno?
High school girl #2: Oh my god! I loved it! Especially that song they sang!
High school girl #1: I know! I always try to get my boyfriend to sing like that with me, but he just tells me to get on my knees.
–79th & Lex
(a pigeon flies up to a rambling bike messenger)
Bike messenger: Hey, bird. Whadda ya say? How you doing? You play baseball? What position? First base? Third? Catcher?
–47th & Madison
Ditzy teen on cell: Why can't they, like, have two footballs instead so both teams could score?
–Doctor's Office, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Robert Gleyberman
Professor: Did I tell you guys I'm getting into professional wrestling?
–Fordham University, Lincoln Center
Overheard by: Didn't want the details
Guy to another, screaming at the top of his lungs: It's fucking field hockey! It's a girl's sport! Why are you even on the team?! You make me sick!
–Columbia University
Overheard by: Scott Jurkowski
Train conductor, announcing stop: Willets point, Shea Stadium…home of that *other* team.
–Willets Point, Queens
Overheard by: Random Asian Chick
Teen girl #1: I choked that girl.
Teen girl #2: You did what?
Teen girl #1: I choked the bitch.
Teen girl #2: Ok, let’s talk about this when we cross 125th Street.
–2 train, 34th St
Overheard by: dj dradle
Teen girl: [Mumbles.]Clerk: What?
Teen girl: [Speaks softly.]Clerk: You’re going to have to speak up.
Teen girl: [Leans over counter and mumbles.]Clerk: What? What the fuck are those? [Yells to coworker] Tina*! Do we have any morning after pills? [Teen girl sprints out of store.]
–Crowded CVS
Very underage thugette: Look, they have a happy hour!
20-something thug: Shit, girl, you ain't old enough.
Very underage thugette: Nah, they won't check.
20-something thug: Yeah, they will–they'll kick you out and send me to jail.
Very underage thugette: But we're married!
–Outside Bar, Underhill Ave, Brooklyn
Teen girl on cell: …Can you believe he wanted me to stick my hand in there and touch it?…Yeah, I did it…Oh, it was huge! He said it was really big, but damn! And it’s long, too!…Uh, the head is an
average size, I guess…I like how it feels…Okay, why is the spotlight on me?…Different people are giving me that “what the fuck” look…Oh, shit! Ha, ha, ha! You’re right. Hold on…Chill, everyone! I’m talking about my boyfriend’s pet snake, not his
penis…Okay, continue.
–Dunkin’ Donuts, Fulton Mall
Overheard by: Shanny O.
16-year old girl #1: I want to find out more about gay genocide.
16-year old girl #2: Huh?
16-year old girl #1: You know, what the Jews wear… And baby Hitler.
–96th St & Broadway
Overheard by: feygele
Woman: A hundred dollars worth of squeaky toys and you eat garbage off the floor! I don’t get it.
–22nd & 7th
Overheard by: debo
Teenage boy: Once I hit the blind kid that lives downstairs with a ball and I felt so bad but it had me thinking, “what if he got his sight back by me hitting him?”. I would be like, “yo, you have your sight back thanks to me, give me some money.”
–2 train
Girl on cell: Your ass is, like, slightly cuter than my face.
–Union Square
Pompous, insane English professor: Right now I am being plagued by a contagion, but I will return your reports anon.
–Barnard College
Student, to friend who just bashed the side of his head: What the hell? You're hurting my ganglia!
–Columbia University
Overheard by: John David
Black mom to teen daughter walking away from her: No, you get back here and listen to what I'm sayin! You gotta pay attention–niggas be instigatin!
–Nassau & Fulton
Overheard by: Tigertail
First year legal scholar: I feel like our relationship is terminated for perpetuity.
–Grand Central
Overheard by: bunbury
Yuppie on phone: Wait. (pause) Bruhaha, right?
–70th & Broadway
