Time

How Pajama Bottoms Became Popular As Pants: Explained.

20-something guy: We do need to get jobs, but it's so hard to get ready in the morning!
20-something lesbian friend: What could you possibly have to do in the morning to get ready? You're a bro!
20-something guy: I always have to set my alarm three hours before I actually have to go.
20-something lesbian friend: You *can't* be serious. It takes you three hours to get ready for, like, class?
20-something guy, totally serious: No, it takes me three hours to get out of bed. After that I just walk out the door.

–Fordham Road, The Bronx

If You Put a Bunch Of Them in a Wheel You Could Solve the Energy Crisis

Girl to friend: She's been out ice skating with her sister for two hours…how the hell does a five-year-old ice skate for three hours?
Friend: I know, right? Kids are like hamsters.

–John St

Does That Make Us Generation KY?

Girl #1: Whoa! People still get herpes? I thought herpes was a thing of the 80s.
Girl #2: Yeah, well, my mom was having sex in the 80s.

–13th St & 4th Ave

Overheard by: dani

Headline by: Sam

Runners-Up:
· “And Is Now on VH1’s “I Fucked the 80s”” – Henk
· “And It’s So Hard to Find a Mother’s Day Card That Mentions Valtrex” – STD Free
· “Just Another Side Effect Of Parachute Pants and Big Hair” – Morning Glory
· “Once the 90s Rolled Around She Stopped Trying to Catch STDs and Started Trying to Catch Pokemon” – Gotta catch em all
· “That Explains Why All Your Friends Have Herpes” – Brian
· “Why You Should Never Fill Your Parents Prescriptions” – JB

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Did You Even Study for This Exam?

Teen #1: I'm a thug.
Teen #2: You ain't a thug. You got one minute to tell me why you a thug.
Teen #1, stammering: One, um, once an old lady asked me for some change at the bus stop and I slapped her.
Teen #2: That makes you a pussy, not a thug, nigga. 50 seconds…

–Bx8 Bus

Luckily I Had Some Weed to Give Him

Student in line: So I usually get delivery from this other place, they deliver anything anytime.
Friend: Really? Sounds good, I should go there.
Student: Yeah, they'll deliver newspapers and Chinese food and burgers at 3 am. Sometimes they get it wrong, though, like once the delivery guy came and just tried to stuff a wad of cash into my hand.
Friend, clearly not listening: Hmm…

–Broadway & 115th

Overheard by: tell me more…

Instead Of a Caste System, This Barbaric Country Has Only Paninis

Indian employee #1, showing another how to work grill: So you just spray it with vegetable oil and then press down until it's brown.
Indian employee #2: How long?
Indian employee #1: Till its brown like me, not brown like you. Brown like you is too long. Like me, not you.

–Broadway

Robert Frost: The Lovely Shall Be Choosers, Shall They…?

Gangster kid to female friend: I don't care. I ain't goin' there early. Ain't nobody care.
Friend: But you have a test!
Gangster kid: I'm the sexiest guy in my bio class, so I can do whatever the hell I want!

–Marshak Building, City College

Lord, I Was Born a Ramblin' Wednesday One-Liner

Chick on cell: Are you sure this is a sex trip and not a "meet-my-parents" trip?

–14th St

Overheard by: Argopelter

Laughing woman on cell: I'm going to be so busy when I get back! My week of relaxation is just going to be ruined by a hurricane.

–Starbucks, Park Ave South & 29th

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Guy to three hot girls carrying luggage: Oh, hello, ladies. I also travel! What a coincidence! (girls walk away laughing) You can run! I will find you! It's only a matter of time!

–Financial District

Black woman on phone: Ya, man, I just got back from Miami. Shit, I'm still jet lagged!

–Wendy's, Flatbush Ave, Brooklyn

Overheard by: oh really?

Blonde girl on plane to another: I figured out on this trip that if you pack your lightest clothes on the bottom of your suitcase it will weigh less! Coming in, my suitcase weighed 54 pounds, and going home it only weighed 46! (second blonde nods knowingly)

–LaGuardia Airport

Overheard by: Meagan O.

Hobo: Hey girls, could you spare some change? Please? It's for my Hawaii fund! I'm gonna wear a bikini and dance the hula. And fuck it, I'm freezing my butt off!

–University Place & 10th St

Overheard by: queenofscots

Wednesday One-Liners– Now in Small, Regular and Porn Star

20-something girl: And then they had another raffle and I won another 30 minutes of free porn and a vibrator.

–Chelsea Market

Overheard by: eSong

Man, talking to himself in the park: I don't discriminate against women. Women discriminate against me. Why? Because they have all different kinds of dildos.

–City Hall Park

Salesman, shouting to man with girlfriend: Have you been neglecting your butthole lately? I'm selling some nice greasy vibrators here!

–34th St

Overheard by: Jessica

30-something balding man on cell: Dildo and show…

–14th & 3rd

Woman to friends posing for picture: 1…2…3…say: "sex toys!"

–West Village

Mythology professor: Ares was a bit stupid, so Aphrodite was pretty much the brains of that operation. For her, he was basically just a living dildo.

–Hunter College

Overheard by: Sarah

And Mom Breast-feeds Me Because She Likes It.

College girl to friend: I think my problem is I'm too independent.
Friend: Didn't you just move back in with your parents?
College girl: Yeah, but I'm planning on moving out in a year or two.

–6 Train

Overheard by: Karl

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