Vanity, Thy Name Is Wednesday One-Liners

Girl to guy: And I was like, "He bleaches his asshole, what does he know about anatomy?"

–Pratt Institute, Brooklyn

Seven-year-old girl to boy throwing mud at her: Watch it, Jakob! I wore eyeliner today!

–Fort Greene Park, Brooklyn

Very large woman on cell: It's called "Brazilian wax job." You only have to do it like every two weeks. Yep, it itches for a day or two, but it's worth every penny.

–PATH

Overheard by: Corey

Young lady with long curly hair to girlfriend: So, I started drying my hair with paper towels recently.

–Montague St, Brooklyn

Overheard by: E-Man>Master of the UNIVERSE!

Outraged feminine gay guy to another: He's having his lips redone… again!

–8th Ave & 20th St, Chelsea

Overheard by: Evan

Woman on cell: Girl, I don't understand why you gotta put on all that makeup just to go for a colonic!

–Washington Heights

Posted on October 7, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, Asshole, Brooklyn, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, College, Fat People, Girlfriends, Girls, Guys, Hair, Kids, Makeup, On Cell, One-liners, Parks, Physical appearance, Queer guys, Questions, Science, Street, Surgery, Time, Trains Not Subway, Washington Heights and Inwood, Waxing, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

McWednesday One-Liners

MTA conductor: This train is going to run express. The next and last stop is McDonald's… I mean Astoria-Ditmars Boulevard.

–W Train

British teenager: They didn't even spell it right, it's "Mac Donald's," not "mc"!

–McDonald's, Bowery & Bayard

Student to class: I ate a McGriddle last week, and it was like eating a baby angel.

–Classroom, NYU

Frantic foreign lady: Is this the train that goes to McDonald's?

–F Subway

Overheard by: laura

Posted on October 4, 2014
Compare/Contrast, Junk Food & Fast Food, NYU, On the Subway, Questions, Trains Not Subway, Wednesday One-Liners Vary, Words

Wednesday One-Liners Want Angelina Jolie to Adopt Them

Large black woman to another: So I said to him, "Muthafucka, don't you know a baby comes out of that shit? Ain't nothing you got down there gonna hurt me!"

–Fulton St

Old man with thick Russian accent: It is fresher than a baby's bottom!

–Ave M & E 16th, Brooklyn

Ghetto black guy on phone: Nah, I was locked up, but I'm out now, and she's tryin' to say it's my baby, but that shit ain't mine.

–Downtown 2 Train

Man on cell, passing adorable child playing with dog: I love fucking babies!

–10th & 53rd

Puerto Rican girl to pregnant friend: You feel like you have to poop, but that's just the baby.

–36th St & 34th Ave, Astoria

Overheard by: Bryan Bruner

Conductor: Ma'am, please step off the ramp platform and wait until it is safe. (pause) Miss, you're having a frickin' baby, get off the ramp! (she does) Thank you.

–Metro-North Rail Tracks

Overheard by: Theonlyonewhoseemedtonotice

Teenage mother to friends, running to catch subway: Last one gets the baby!

–Broadway

Overheard by: Francisco S. Ramírez

Posted on October 3, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Astoria, Babies, Black People, Brooklyn, Compare/Contrast, Conductors, Family Ties, Fat People, Friends, Girls, Guys, Insults, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, Old People, On Cell, On the Subway, Penis, Poop, Preggers, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Prison, Public Transportation, Puerto Ricans, Questions, Robbing the Cradle, Street, Teens, Trains Not Subway, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Oddly, $3 Buys a Bacon Cheeseburger

Guy: I’m like Jewish, but I’m not. I look Jewish.
Girl #1: Yeah, this one time we were at a diner and he was like, “What can I get for $3?”
Girl #2: So, that’s why you assumed…
Girl #1: Yeah, he’s so Jewish.

–1 train

Overheard by: Alix

Posted on October 2, 2014
Jews, Money & Class, Restaurants & Cafes, Trains Not Subway

Parent-Teacher Conferences Must Be Fun

Guy: My dad doesn't drink any more.
Friend: Yeah, he just does acid.
Guy: Tons.

–D Train

Posted on September 27, 2014
Comebacks, Drinking & Drunk People, Drugs, Guys, Trains Not Subway

Uh-Oh, All My Secrets Are Falling Out

Drunk teenage girl, yelling: Just so all of you guys know, I am underage! (long pause, then to friend) Shit, I just told them we are underage! (long pause, then to woman) Hey, you! I love your hair!

–Q Train

Posted on September 27, 2014
Body Parts, Compliments, Drunks, Girls, Offers and requests, Promiscuity, Teens, Trains Not Subway

And Just in the Nick of Time

Girl #1: So I'm hooking up with two guys named Nick…bad idea.
Girl #2: Why?
Girl #1: Well I gave Nick #2 my number and I got a text from someone who I thought was Nick #2. Turns out it was Nick #1 all along.
Girl #2: What happened?
Girl #1: So I went to Nick #2's house, assuming it was him from the text. I got there, and it's two girls sitting in the bed, Nick's friend and Nick, all in pajamas. Nick #2 pulls me aside, asks what I'm doing there, and I showed him the texts. It wasn't him, it was Nick #1, from his friends phone.
Girl #2: Looks like you're back to just one Nick now!

–Metro North, Stanford Line

Overheard by: Girl 3

Posted on September 15, 2014
Default, Names, Not New York, Relationships, Trains Not Subway, Weirdness

New York Girls Do Tend to Be Salty

Big girl: You're sweet.
Cute girl: No I'm not, I'm full of piss and vinegar.

–Metro-North Rail

Posted on September 15, 2014
Food, Girls, Pee, Sensory Experiences, Trains Not Subway

The New York Definition Of “Being Nice”

Woman to toddler: You gotta be nice to Jenny.
Toddler: No!
Woman: No, you gotta be nice to Jenny, even though she's a fat-ass. Jenny is a fat-ass. Haha, fat-ass Jenny!

–Downtown A Train

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Posted on September 15, 2014
Advice, Education, Insults, Kids, Physical appearance, Trains Not Subway, Women

Please Remain on the Line. Your Wednesday One-Liner Is Important to Us.

Usher: I will tell you once again: do not use your cell phone! I know how to wrestle!

–Theatre

Man: What kind of faggot has a 551 number?

–Cooper Union, Astor Place

Overheard by: a friend of mine does

Drunk Long Island girl: I don't know! I guess my phone was on lock or unlock or whatever, but my boobs must have called you!

–W 10th St

Overheard by: max

Blonde NYU ditz, looking at BlackBerry: Wait… what area code is 718? That's like really far away, right?

–Sullivan & Bleecker

Overheard by: i actually laughed at her

Conductor: This is the train to Ronkonkoma, also known as "ko, hip hip hey and away we go." When using cell phones, please, keep it quiet, 'cause no one really wants to know what you're talkin' about.

–LIRR

Overheard by: Goober

Posted on September 11, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, Cell Phone, Clerks, Conductors, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Girls, Insults, Men, Names, NYC Geography, One-liners, Public Transportation, Questions, Rack, Sorority Girls, Street, Stupidity, The Village, Theater, Threats, Trains Not Subway, Union Square and East Village, Violence, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Trains Not Subway