Cokehead: Hey buddy, you got a cigarette?
Brit tourist: Yeah, man. Here.
Cokehead: Hey, smell my face.
Brit tourist: Why?
Cokehead: Just smell it, go on! (sticks chin out and pushes face to Brit’s nose)
Brit tourist: No way man, why?
Coke head: Please.
(Brit tourist smells his face)
Brit tourist: What is that?
Cokehead: That’s the smell of a thousand-dollar hooker’s pussy.
–42nd & 3rd
Small child, waiting in bathroom line: Mom, I really have to go.
Mom: Well, honey, you're just gonna have to cross your legs and hold your vagina.
–Barnes & Noble Bathroom, Union Square
Teen girl on cell: Yo! Where da fuck you be at?! You come pick us up this fucking second; it’s so fucking cold out here, my twat’s got ice on it!
–Union Square
Hipster waitress to another: Camel toe is like, really hot, but also really uncomfortable.
–Williamsburg
College guy to friend: Dude, I'd definitely date a dude who looked like a hot chick… It's not gay.
–Hunter College
Overheard by: Stephen
Professor: Welcome to CUNY, it's like menopause. It's either too hot or too cold.
–City University of New York
Latino girl on cell: Bitch, please. I'm gonna look mad hot tonight. I'ma comb my hair!
–American Apparel
Male professor: I don't care how hot Brad Pitt is… If he sits on my lap, nothing's going to happen!
–New York Institute of Technology
Overheard by: Not Brad Pitt
Girl: How are you supposed to have sex without an apartment? Isn’t your father worried for your penis?
Guy: Lord knows… But my penis is, like — singing the blues.
Girl: Oh my God, so sad!! My vagina is begging for a vacation — though she can’t because she is booked two weekends in a row.
–Broadway & Prince
Overheard by: Willy Holiday
Hipster girl with tattoo: Have you ever masturbated so much your room only smells like pussy?
Hipster girl with nose ring, nonchalantly: It's the best, isn't it?
–Q Train
Overheard by: Alex
Woman in Lycra leopard print dress: I had to jam out with my clam out. I had to jam out with my clam out!
Man: Daamnnn…
–Nostrand & Lincoln, Crown Heights
Guy: I’m tellin’ ya, if a girl’s bathroom is dirty, that means that
her pussy ain’t too clean, too.
Girl #1: Well, I have a clean bathroom.
Girl #2: Well, I’d be surprised if you said you have a dirty bathroom
after this conversation.
–David Barton gym, West 23rd Street
Woman to another: Eat the penis, Danielle, eat the penis.
–New Jersey Transit train out of Penn Station
Overheard by: Tootles McGee
Black guy: Yo! Where my penis at?
–Bergenline Bus
Overheard by: Don’t know how he lost it to begin with
Guy with big dog to girlfriend: Is my cock straight?
–12th & 7th Ave
Overheard by: Amanda
Five-year-old son to father helping him ride a bicycle, seeing wooden posts out of the water: Daddy, is that a huge penis?
–South Seaport
Female suit: Their penises don’t care!
–Times Square
Hobo: I’m the unluckiest son of a bitch I know! If it were raining vaginas, I’d get hit in the head with a penis.
–5th Ave
Girl on cell: That’s good… Did you like the peen? The peen? Did you like the penis, mother? The penis? Oh good, I though you would.
–9th & Prospect Park
Overheard by: Other Side of the Fence
Sorority girl tourist #1, about photo of guy on camera phone: Look at this gluteus maximus.
Sorority girl tourist #2: Oooh, nice gluteus maximus. Hey, what’s with all the weird body part names, anyway? Gluteus maximus…
Sorority girl tourist #1: Vulva…
–34th & 8th
Overheard by: Dolores!
