Wednesday One-Liners! Get ’em While They’re Hot!

Comedy hawker: Don’t be afraid, folks. I’m just a friendly black guy, and if you buy tickets from me, I promise not to talk shit about you when you leave!

–Outside McDonald’s, 42nd St

Overheard by: Geneva

Young entrepreneur: Cold beer here! Cold water here! We gots the loosies! We got cold loosies, we got things I can’t say out loud…

–Cony Island

AM New York guy: Free AM New York! Some things in New York are free, folks! When I first came here I got my butt kicked. That was free!

–34th & 7th

Metro paper guy: Free fans! Free Metro fans! Free fans!

–35th & 9th

Overheard by: That’s all they’re good for

Girl handing out posters: Free paper cuts! Free paper cuts! Anyone? Free paper cuts!

–Zune: Live at the BBQ concert

Overheard by: passed on the poster

Another Metro paper guy: Metro! Free paper! Karl Rove leaves White House to form his own Nazi party!

–33rd & Park

Overheard by: beestiegirl

Comedy flyer guy: Live comedy! Do not take this flyer! Good job!

–Times Square

Overheard by: MissPinkKate

Posted on October 29, 2015
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Wednesday One-Liners: “Toga! Toga! Toga!”

60-something white woman: They put on a good show. Those Jesuits really know how to party!

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Jeff

Gay man to others, about parties: Yeah, I thought about going to the black party, but I'm not that gay!

–7th Ave & 6th St

Overheard by: NottRob

Young woman: I'm twenty-seven. I've never been to a party, a sexy party, where I don't remember who I've slept with.

–21st St & Lexington

Overheard by: Jonas

Chick on cell: I can't. It's my cousin's chihuahua's birthday party.

–28th St & Lexington

Overheard by: sounds like a rager

Posted on October 18, 2015
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Birthdays, Celebrations/Parties, Christianity, Compare/Contrast, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Man's Best Friend, Murray Hill and Gramercy, On Cell, One-liners, Orgy, Penn Station, Promiscuity, Queer guys, Sexuality, The Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, White People, Women

Legally Wednesday One-liners

Woman: Send good karma so they’ll hire me to practice law without a license.

–8th Ave.

Lady CO: If y’all don’t shut up and behave, I’m turning off the fan! And y’all stink, remember.

–Hoyt-Schermerhorn Jail and Courthouse

Overheard by: Carolina

Posted on October 17, 2015
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Wednesday One-Liners Reach Out and Touch Someone

Hot chick: My phone has finally learned to spell ‘cock’ and ‘anal’! I’m so proud!

–King’s Head Tavern, 14th St

Overheard by: Argopelter

Girl on cell: Listen, you in Rikers — you lucky you ain’t get three years! … And you stayin’ there, ’cause I ain’t bailin’ you out… Oh, whatever — if I didn’t care about you, I wouldn’t be usin’ my daytime minutes.

–W train, Astoria, Queens

Overheard by: Juan Moment

Chick on cell: I am your phone sex Yoda! Come, my young padawan! Come!

–Steinway & Ditmars

Overheard by: using the force

Cross-eyed JAP on cell: No, seriously, it’s not my phone. I think there’s something wrong with my chin.

–Times Square

Overheard by: NathAnonymous

Posted on October 13, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Cell Phone, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary

Wednesday One-Liners Are Always PC

Young teen girl: I've done cybersex so often I forgot how to type with two hands.

–A Train

Suit on cell: I have nothing to blog about. I have nothing to video blog about. Man, yesterday I had to force myself to tweet!

–Uptown 4 Train

Overheard by: cowgirly

Girl selling peaches to another: Yeah, my dad was so unsympathetic when I told him my computer crashed that I went straight to the Apple store and charged a new hard drive to his credit card. I was really proud of myself.

–Fort Greene Farmers Market

Overheard by: Morning Glory

Teenage girl to friend: I don't see why we're even here. We could see all this stuff on the internet for free.

–Metropolitan Museum

Overheard by: Derek

Posted on October 10, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Body Parts, Brooklyn, Computer, Free stuff!, Friends, Girls, Internet, Masturbation, Money & Class, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Sex, Shopping, Suits, Teens, The Met, Visual Art, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Yo Ho Ho and a Bottle Of Wednesday One-Liner!

Dude in full garb on Halloween, clearly losing the argument to his friends: But it's not a foreign object to a pirate!

–East Village

Overheard by: chris k

Girl wearing duct tape cat ears on the fountain in Columbus Circle: I have been crowned the pirate queen!

–Columbus Circle

Guy in business casual to woman in business casual: Yeah, that's the thing about parrots. If they smell smoke and you open their cage, they are outta there. Screw that pirate.

–Uptown 3 Train

Young woman on cell: Those pirates are soooo thin.

–9th Ave & 47th St

Posted on October 9, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Diet/Weight, Friends, Girls, Guys, Insults, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Sensory Experiences, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Jurassic Wednesday One-Liners

College guy: These are the best dinosaurs I've eaten all day!

–Fordham University, Lincoln Center Campus

Ecstatic five-year-old girl: The dinosaurs! I can't wait to see the dinosaurs!

–Metropolitan Museum of Art

Overheard by: Miss Guided

Hippie girl: Yeah, I don't know about the eyeballs, but the dinosaurs are great!

–39th St & 8th Ave

Overheard by: Natalie

Girl on stoop: Yo, man, I wish our dinosaurs could talk.

–St. Mark's & 3rd

Overheard by: Anna P.

Girl on cell: Because–you know what? Because I don't etch on my DVDs with pterodactyls!

–Court Street, Brooklyn Heights

Overheard by: Danielle

Guy rooting through trash: If you were a dinosaur I'd be a dinosaur right beside you.

–W 80th & Amsterdam

Posted on October 1, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Body Parts, Brooklyn, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Compare/Contrast, Food, Fordham, Girls, Guys, Hippies, Kids, Movies, On Cell, One-liners, Questions, Students, The Met, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Wednesday One-Liners Aren’t As Good on a Cracker As You May Have Heard

Dude, about Gillette shaving products: It’s like sperm. [Notices girl staring] … Yeah, it’s like sperm.

–Hunter College

Overheard by: tanechka

Chesty preggers: I thought he was shooting blanks! I mean, he only drank Mountain Dew and wore tighty-whities!

–Near the Pink Pony, LES

Dude: I don’t have time for your premature ejaculation!

–Harlem

Girlfriend to boyfriend: Dammit, John, sperm does not cure everything! You’re crazy!

–East Williamsburg

Overheard by: azraela

Posted on October 1, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Cum, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary

Getting Wednesdayed Is Easy; Staying One-Linered Is Hard

Man to woman: Well, I've already been in two successful marriages…

–Hudson River Park

Talkative husband to blase wife: We've been married for over a year, who would not like us?

–F Train

Overheard by: Elise

Girl: So, when you say "married," is that like "married-and-just-not-divorced-yet," or like "married-married-and-actually-living-together"?

–6 Train

Woman on cell: Well, it's a good thing you didn't marry Susan's brother, because he ended up losing a testicle.

–DUMBO, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Megan

Woman on cell: Sorry, but if I wanted to be heavily sedated and drunk all day, I'd marry you.

–Columbus Circle

Overheard by: Josh

Guy with eye patch: If a girl eats out your ass on the first date, you marry her!

–77th & 34th

Posted on September 30, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Balls, Breaking Up, Brooklyn, Couples, Dating, Drinking & Drunk People, Girls, Guys, Kink, Marriage, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, On the Subway, Parks, Questions, Straight Trippin', Street, Stupidity, Time, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women, Words

Wednesday One-Liners Aren't That Kind Of Streetwalker

Police officer to taxi driver: If you just hit one, the rest will scatter.

–Herald Square

Guy to girl, pushing her into the street: Anna versus car, who will win?

–E Houston & Ave D

Overheard by: haha

Tourist to New Yorker: You're not supposed to jaywalk!

–Herald Square

Chick to another: We didn't get hit by a car… Oh well, maybe next time.

–7th & 23rd

Overheard by: Stormy

Guy with stroller to passing car: You hit my baby, I'll take your car!

–Fordham & Hoffman

Overheard by: sromeo

Crossing guard, watching pedestrian cross in a hurry: My money's on the bus!

–Lower Manhattan

Overheard by: Steve

Posted on September 29, 2015
Accidents, Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Alphabet City, Babies, Cabbies, Cars and Driving, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Cops, Girls, Guys, Lower Manhattan, Money & Class, One-liners, Parents, Parks, Public Transportation, Questions, Strangers, Street, Stupidity, The Bronx, Threats, Tourism, Tourists, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness