There Are No Small Wednesdays– Only Small One-Liners.

Girl on cell, defiantly: Listen, I can keep my midget in your closet whenever I damn please!

–72nd & Columbus

Man handing out cards to random passers-by: They have midget strippers, buddy, and you can bring your guitar!

–42nd & 7th

Overheard by: Katy

Guy, to friend: You can't call yourself a grown man if you sit down and your feet dangle off the chair.

–Victoria's Secret

Overheard by: Emm

Black guy pushing cart: Man, I miss my two-headed midget friend… He was my best man.

–Union Square

Woman on cell: Have I been an angry little munchkin?

–Whole Foods, Union Square

Overheard by: TheMac

Posted on August 12, 2015
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Anger Management, Black People, Compare/Contrast, Friends, Friendship, Gay Man's Best Friend, Girls, Guys, Handicaps, Instruments, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Movies, Offers and requests, On Cell, One-liners, Questions, Store, Strangers, Strippers, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Vendors & Street Performers, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Whole Foods, Women

Butt Fetishists Can Be So Dramatic.

Woman: But no one will take care of me!
Man: Don't worry baby, I know where the crack is.
Woman, excitedly: You do!

–29th St & 6th Ave

Overheard by: Mama B

Posted on August 12, 2015
Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Friendship, Men, Relationships, Weirdness, Women

Tonight's Movie: Shootin' It Old School

Woman, shouting as she is being told to leave building: You ol' crackhead bitch anyway!
Police officer: You're that last person to be callin' someone a crackhead.
Woman: I ain't a crackhead. I'm a dope fiend! Dope fiend, dope fiend, dope fiend (repeats until she leaves)

–Madison Square Food Court, 31st & 7th

Overheard by: Jeff Johnson

Posted on August 11, 2015
Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Cops, Hard Drugs, Insults, Restaurants & Cafes, Women

In Cracker-Speak, That’s ‘In Need of Exfoliation and Moisturizer’

Bewildered white woman: What? What’s “ashy”?
Put-Upon black woman: “Ashy”? You don’t know what “ashy” means? Like, “That crackhead is ashy”?

–4th St & 6th Ave

Overheard by: gloria

Posted on August 10, 2015
Stupidity, The Village, Weirdness, Women, Words

Queens Seem to Attract Terrorism These Days

Woman #1: A car blew up on my street last night, and I was like,
“Here come the fuckin’ terrorists!”
Woman #2: Terrorists in Queens?
Woman #1: Not by me. Terrorists get shot in my neighborhood!

–E train

Posted on August 10, 2015
On the Subway, Only in New York, Terrorism, Women

…You're Of the Legal Age to Consent, Right?

Woman looking at BlackBerry: I'm ovulating.
(friend nods)
Woman looking at BlackBerry: So I just need to have sex today.
(later, with little boy)
Woman: Hey, honey!

–Central Park Petting Zoo

Posted on August 9, 2015
Central Park, Friends, Health and Hygiene, Parks, Sex, Women

Wednesday One-Liners Really Bug Me

Geek speedwalking through rush-hour crowd with hands over head: Parasites, parasites, parasites!

–34th St & 7th Ave

Overheard by: it is what it is

African-American lady: The secret life of… What? Who's "bees"?

–Loews Kips Bay

Overheard by: Robert Gleyberman

Woman: I'm a fruit fly. That's like a fag hag, only prettier.

–3rd & St. Mark's

Female suit on cell: We're dealing with racist ladybugs here.

–44th & Lexington

Overheard by: LP421

Posted on August 8, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Beauty, Black People, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Compare/Contrast, Fears, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Movie Theaters, Movies, Nerds, Nicknames & name calling, On Cell, One-liners, Questions, Race, Street, Stupidity, Suits, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Kicking Your Ass?

Indignant woman in crowded elevator: You're standing on my foot!
Man: What are feet for?

–168th St Subway Elevator

Overheard by: AWAvatar

Posted on August 6, 2015
Body Parts, Default, Elevators, Gripes, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Men, Questions, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Weirdness, Women

And As Thick

Woman #1: She was as dumb as molasses.
Woman #2: Well, molasses don't have a brain.
Woman #1: Well, she was as dumb as that.

–Macy's

Posted on August 6, 2015
Body Parts, Compare/Contrast, Store, Stupidity, Women

Hence the Name “1 Train”

Woman #1: So how did you pee when the toilet stopped up?
Woman #2: I used the sink.
Woman #1: Aren’t you afraid you will break it?
Woman #2: I’ma pretty little. Actually I do it all of the time.

–1/9 train

Posted on August 6, 2015
Cleanliness, Diet/Weight, On the Subway, Pee, Women

Women