Towelie: I Am So Wednesday One-Linered Right Now

Wide-eyed woman on cell: Is it the drugs that are doing this to me?

–St Mark's & Ave A

Guy going superfast on a bike with eyes closed and feet on handlebars: Oh, man, I'm trippin'! Oh, god, I'm shroomin'!

–Delancey St

Professor: Take that Ritalin-Scotch-heroin cocktail… With a pop-tart!

–Pratt Institute

Overheard by: Denali

Flyer guy: Anyone want to help support my drug habit?

–Times Square

Girl with group of friends: You can be a responsible drug addict… I had two jobs and went to college.

–Jane & 4th St

Overheard by: M Tod

Barnard girl: So my grandparents gave me one of those Visa gift card things for $50 for Valentine's Day… What the fuck am I going to spend $50 on, if it's not drugs?

–The Diana Center, Barnard College

Stephen Colbert, after flubbing a line during filming: I'm high. (audience laughs) Don't blog that!

–Colbert Report Studios, 54th St

Overheard by: Allison

Posted on July 21, 2010
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Alphabet City, B-List, College, Columbia (& Barnard), Drinking & Drunk People, Drugs, Education, Family Ties, Flyer people, Food, Friends, Girls, Guys, Heroin, Insults, Jobs & Careers, Laughter, Lower East Side, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, Offers and requests, On Cell, One-liners, Panhandling, Questions, School and studying, Sensory Experiences, Sorority Girls, Street, Teachers/Professors, Times Square, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, West Village, Women

But I'm More Important Than Most!

Conductor: I know you all are in a hurry, and you are all very important, but we need to close the train doors or we ain't goin' nowhere.
Woman: I can't get in! Move in, people!
Conductor: Giiiiirl, let me tell you right now, no way in hell you're gonna fit. Step off and back it up, sistah. The train's moving.

–1 Train

Overheard by: Kris

Posted on July 11, 2010
Advice, Conductors, On the Subway, Passengers, Public Transportation

The Bronx Is Full Of Marsupials

Woman #1: Be careful. There's a possum with babies in my backyard.
Woman #2, with dog: But I never walk my dog in your yard.
Woman #1: Be careful. You never know where they'll land.

–Pelham Bay Park

Overheard by: Francyne Pelchar

Posted on July 9, 2010
Advice, Animals & Nature, Man's Best Friend, Parks, The Bronx, Women

The Way Vampires Hate Garlic

Handsome straight guy: I don't know. Gay boys really like me. I don't know how to repel them.
Girl: You can throw candy at them.
Handsome straight guy: Huh?
Girl: Gay boys hate fatty foods.

–St Mark's Place

Overheard by: Ilikecandy

Posted on July 8, 2010
Advice, Diet/Weight, Food, Gays and Lesbians, Gender issues, Girls, Guys, Lower East Side

Well If You Want to Get All Technical About It!

Book vendor: Stay dry now!
Woman with umbrella: Eh, a little rain won't melt me.
Book vendor: Yeah, I think you're too sweet for that.
Woman with umbrella: Oh, I think sweet things are the ones that melt.

–W 8th St & 6th Ave

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Posted on July 3, 2010
Advice, Compare/Contrast, Compliments, The Village, Vendors & Street Performers, Weather, Women

What Have You Herd?

Girl: It's the one thing my father taught me: always be faster than your slowest friend.
Guy: Was your father a gazelle?

–12th St & Broadway

Posted on June 22, 2010
Advice, Animals & Nature, Family Ties, Friendship, Girls, Guys, Parents, Questions, The Village

Americans Are Always Arguing About Their Rights

Passerby to driver making illegal turn: No red on right in Manhattan!
Driver: Well, I'm from Philly, so whatever!

–44th St

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Posted on June 19, 2010
Advice, Cars and Driving, Conductors, Crime and Punishment, Foreigners, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Strangers

Wednesday One-Liners Don't Always Add Up

Conductor: We have eleven cars today. If we only have five cars tomorrow, don't have short term memory loss and say, "five cars, this happens all the time."

–Metro North

Hot dog vendor to guys standing behind stand: 100 times I've fucked, and have 98 kids.

–Outside Metropolitan Museum of Art

Teen hipster girl to friend : On a scale of one to ten, how many cars are coming?

–33rd St & 8th Ave

Overheard by: Erika

Angry man on cell: Don't talk to me like that! I'll leave you! I will leave you! You know how many women there are in this world? (pause) A thousand!

–45th St & 8th Ave

Overheard by: Native Ear

Posted on June 16, 2010
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Anger Management, Cars and Driving, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Conductors, Friends, Gender issues, Guys, Hipsters, Hot dog stands, Kids, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, One-liners, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Public Transportation, Questions, Science, Sex, Stupidity, Teens, The Met, Trains Not Subway, Vendors & Street Performers, Wednesday One-Liners

Wednesday's Always on the Wrong Side Of the One-Liner

Conductor, as train finally leaves the station after long delay: Listen people, do not hold the doors open! I'm going to send y'all to your room!

–2 Train

Train conductor: Please stand clear of the closing doors. Attention everyone, the doors are stuck and will not be closing anytime soon. Please stand clear of the closing doors.

–G Train

Overheard by: Sunny

Conductor: Sir, please remove your head from the closing doors!

–Downtown B Train

Train conductor: Please do not hold the train doors open. I will stop this train and make everyone get off if you keep holding the doors. Then the other passengers will be very mad at you. If you really want to hold the doors open, get a job with the MTA, and then you can hold them open until the cows come home.

–E Train

Overheard by: Ally

Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, please wait for the doors to completely close before leaning on them. Please do not lean on the doors.

–N Train

Overheard by: erkala

Conductor: This is the 7 train. Get ready to jump off. Easy on, easy off. No one's been holding any doors. Good job, people!

–7 Train

Overheard by: Jeff L.

Posted on June 16, 2010
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Anger Management, Animals & Nature, Body Parts, Compliments, Conductors, Directions, Jobs & Careers, Offers and requests, On the Subway, One-liners, Passengers, Public Transportation, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Hugs, Not Wednesday One-Liners!

NYU professor: Stay away from drugs. (pause) Unless they're recreational and you know what you're doing!

–NYU Silver Center

Overheard by: liz

Tall kid: I don't like opiates in general. I'm for up, not down. At any rate, I have a fucking honky horn!

–Hunter College High School

Guy: I think I need to do more shrooms and acid.

–Union Square Park

Overheard by: Jordan

Girl to friend: You should try something natural, like shrooms.

–Union Square

Overheard by: Julie

Druggie clerk on cell: I mean: come on, man! That's my fucking apartment. If he wants to smoke weed or shoot up in my apartment, it's like, whatever. But crack? No. That's my fucking home. Seriously.

–St. Mark's Place

Overheard by: Emmy

Posted on June 16, 2010
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Clerks, Compare/Contrast, Druggies, Drugs, Friends, Girls, Guys, Hard Drugs, Home, Sweet Home, Hunter, Insults, Kids, NYU, On Cell, One-liners, Parks, Sensory Experiences, Teachers/Professors, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weed, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Advice

Towelie: I Am So Wednesday One-Linered Right Now