“Young Adult” Wednesday One-Liners

Father to son: No five-year-old should be asking for Chilean sea bass for dinner.

–Joralemon & Court

Dapper man on cell: You used to be able to pass for twenty… uh… eight.

–Chelsea

Overheard by: Chuckell

Middle aged woman clutching Twilight book, trying to exit bus while reading: God! These novels for 13-year-olds make me hot!

–B7 Bus

Overheard by: i know, i love it too…

Prissy woman on cell: I don't care if he's six years old, he doesn't have to throw a fucking temper tantrum every time he wakes up. I mean, get over yourself.

–Washington Square

Overheard by: Eric

Guy to friend: I'm thirty years old now. I'm over thirty. I don't know how to live. I'm an "adult" now. But I don't know how to live–without someone taking care of me.

–F Train

Overheard by: Jason B

Older woman to almost-dead father: Dad, the doctor told me I have a 45-year-old vagina!

–Manhattan Office

Posted on July 15, 2009
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Books & Writing, Brooklyn, Bus, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Dads, Ethnic Food, Friends, Guys, Horny, Insults, Kids, Medicine, Men, Offers and requests, Office, Old People, On Cell, On the Bus, On the Subway, Parents, Street, Vagina, Washington Square Park, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

The Defense Invoked by Pedophiles

Future soccer mom #1: Oh, our two-year-old's day care is very New York.
Future soccer mom #2: How so?
Future soccer mom #1: They have a yoga instructor in the afternoons and a French teacher comes at least once a week.
Future soccer mom #2: Well, that kind of exposure is important at that age.

–Greenwich Village

Overheard by: Izzy

Posted on July 14, 2009
Age/Aging, Education, Moms, Stupidity, The Village, Yoga

Ted Kennedy Also Had Sisters

Middle aged Latina to Latino boy, eating: Happy birthday! Look at you, surrounded by all these women on your birthday. You are going to be so nice when you grow up. You have five sisters. All the men in your family are grown up, and you got stuck with all the girls. So you're going to be so nice to girls when you get older. Right?
(boy is silent)
Middle aged Latina: Right?
(boy is silent)
Middle aged Latina: You're going to be nice girls when when you grow up, right?
Latino boy: Yeah, sure! Whatever!

–McDonald's

Overheard by: Didn't quite turn out that way

Posted on July 13, 2009
Age/Aging, Beauty, Birthdays, Boys, Family Ties, Kids, Latinos, Restaurants & Cafes

I Blame The Who-Cares Bears Movie

Kid #1: How old is she?
Kid #2: Six.
Kid #1: And she's goth?

–Myrtle Ave & Washington, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Dark Lord in Training

Posted on July 4, 2009
Age/Aging, Brooklyn, Kids, Questions, Weirdness

Please Don't Feed the Wednesday One-Liners

Elderly woman to Bulldog: If you were human, you would be a male model.

–44th & 3rd

Female on phone, trying to be discrete: I could take a million pictures without makeup and I could make it on the cover of Vogue. I am telling you I just want a model agent to come up to me and say "you are gorgeous, I want you to model." I know I have what it takes!

–Outside Bobst Library

Overheard by: V Liebs

Scrawny short dude: You know, I like the model-type chicks.

–Bay Ridge

Overheard by: Jon A.

Battery Park city mom, about son: He's not even four and he can earn as much from one commercial as he can from a year of modeling.

–World Trade Centre Plaza

Girl walking around with a camera: People get so awkward when you're carrying around a camera. Come on people! Give me something I can use here! You are all models!

–44th & Lexington

Overheard by: apparently a model

Drawing professor: I'm not allowed to sleep with the models.

–Pratt Institute

Posted on July 1, 2009
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Beauty, Brooklyn, College, Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Girls, Ground Zero, Guys, Jobs & Careers, Library, Makeup, Man's Best Friend, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, Old People, On Cell, One-liners, Parents, Physical appearance, Pictures, School and studying, Sex, Street, Teachers/Professors, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

Wednesday One-Liners (No Homo)

Professor: Let's take a poll: who thinks I am gay?

–Lehman College

Flamboyant gay guy to butch gay guy: You, like, sneeze glitter. That's how gay you are!

–9th St & 6th Ave

Overheard by: TR

Daughter to sobbing mother: Mom! Seriously, stop! I'm going to slap you. (mom continues sobbing) I'm not gay! Relax, okay?

–New Utrecht High School

Overheard by: Straight girl

Tween girl to friend: He's 17 years old and he doesn't have any kids? What? Is he gay?

–A Train

Teenage boy: Even if it's with a girl, it's still gay.

–L Train

Overheard by: Sean

Posted on June 24, 2009
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Bitch-slap, College, Family Ties, Fast Times at New York High, Friends, Gays and Lesbians, Gender issues, Girls, Kids, Moms, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Queer guys, Questions, School and studying, Stupidity, Teachers/Professors, Teens, The Village, Threats, Tweens, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Tonight's Movie: P.S.- I Thug You

Large, intimidating thug: So you think you're grown up, huh? You think you're a man?
Small boy: (nods)
Large, intimidating thug: Then why don't you get a job? Move out?
Small boy: Cause I love you!
Large, intimidating thug, more quietly: Well, I love you too.

–Downtown A Train

Posted on June 18, 2009
Age/Aging, Glad the Condom Broke, Jobs & Careers, Kids, Love, On the Subway, Thugs, Weirdness

Wednesday One-Liner Is Murder!

Girl to friend: Yeah, so before I came in here I wasn't a vegetarian, but now my expectations have changed.

–New Williamsburg Cafe

Overheard by: Nick Ace

Jenny*: When I say that I'm a vegan, the other Jenny, the little Texan Jenny inside of me goes, "you are so disgusting!"

–Tisch School of the Arts

Overheard by: Southern Carnivore

White flyer lady, singing: Peeeeople! Veeeegans have bet-ter-sex, bet-ter-health, and live decades longer to enjoy it all!

–LaSalle & Broadway

Wannabe vegan on cell: Is applesauce vegan?

–Denny's

Guy: You know how vegetarians say they won't eat anything with a face? So what about that woman that got attacked by the chimp? Would they eat her? (stunned silence) Too soon?

–Steinway & Broadway, Astoria

Overheard by: Go Rangers!

Posted on June 17, 2009
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Astoria, Body Parts, Brooklyn, College, Compare/Contrast, Flyer people, Food, Friends, Girls, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Health and Hygiene, On Cell, One-liners, Psychology, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Sex, Vegetarian & Vegan, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, White People, Williamsburg

My Therapist Says That's Why I Don't Get Any

40-something man: Hey! I know you! You're Victor's daughter, right?
Teenage girl: Yeah.
40-something man: Wow, look how tall you've gotten. You probably don't remember me, but I'm a friend of your dad's from way back.
Teenage girl: Oh, awesome. (smiles)
40-something man: So…how are you? Still in school?
Teenage girl: No, no, graduated and taking a year off and then studying to be a lawyer.
40-something man, shaking head: Well, be prepared for a life of celibacy.

–34th St & Park Ave

Overheard by: Sessi Li

Posted on June 16, 2009
Age/Aging, Family Ties, Girls, Jobs & Careers, Men, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Physical appearance, Questions, School and studying, Teens, Time

Plus I Had to Be Bedridden and Quarantined Every Time I Got My Period

Old woman with husband, reminiscing: When I was younger I had an art degree from Cooper Union, had a fantastic graphic design job. I had a great career going for myself. And then guess what happened.
20-something girl: You got married?
Old woman, shocked: No! How old do you think I am? That we're from the 1800s? (pause) Computers. That's what happened.

–Times Square

Overheard by: RCS

Posted on June 14, 2009
Age/Aging, Computer, Couples, Girls, Jobs & Careers, Marriage, Questions, School and studying, Time, Times Square

Age/Aging