International House of Wednesday One-Liners

Man: Of course, by this point I’ve experienced all sorts of international butt-cracks.

–34th & 8th

Overheard by: ghilledhu

Fat man: Of course this statue was French-made — when you look up her dress she’s not shaved.

–Statue of Liberty

Checkout lady: Nah, he’s third generation. He’s not a real Greek, he’s a fake Greek.

–Key Food, Astoria

Overheard by: sara n.

Guy: Do you think anyone will notice that I’m French?

–E 8th St & Broadway

British bloke, loudly on cell: Listen, I don’t give a shit what time it is over there, you fucking lazy, German sack of shite.

–World Trade Center

Overheard by: alright guv’nor

Lady, about her dog: I think a Mexican family owned him. He refuses to eat anything but rice and beans.

–Diner

Girl on cell: She has this Spanish boyfriend from work who has a girlfriend. But, I guess in Spain or wherever, that’s okay.

–Union Square

Overheard by: kelsey

Posted on November 6, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, Global Geography, Infidelity, Insults, Man's Best Friend, Time, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary

Wednesday One-Liners Take a Stab at It

Girl on cell: Yeah, so he was kicked out of college. It’s kind of a long story. He like, pulled a knife on George Lucas.

–Barnard College

Curly-haired chick: If we go, like, cowboy/Indian, you’re supposed to be giving me smallpox blankets and liquor, and I’m supposed to hold a knife to your scalp. Hmmm.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Wild Dog Boy

Girl (yelling at other girl): Just because he cuts himself doesn’t mean he’s emo!

–Brooklyn Tech HS

16-year-old to another: If Dane Cook was here, he would stab you in the chest.

–The Beacon School

Gay man to female friend: I’m gonna cut out your G-spot with a butter knife and stick it to the wall.

–Dojo Resaurant

Tall, muscular, handsome guy on cell: My night turned out pretty crazy… Why? Because this chick drew a knife on me in the restaurant before we even finished the appetizers… And I blame you for that.

–Grand Army Plaza

Overheard by: wishes she would have been there…

Posted on November 5, 2014
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Body Parts, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Compare/Contrast, Fast Times at New York High, Friends, Girls, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Jocks, On Cell, Queer guys, School and studying, Stab, Teens, The Village, Threats, Upper East Side, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Violence, Weirdness, Women

“It's a Small Wednesday One-Liner After All”

College girl: Yeah, the worst part about Africa was that we, like, didn't go out!

–Starbucks

Overheard by: Noemi

Shabby-looking blue collar mom to distinguished older Indian woman: Ohhh! I have always wanted to go to Bollywood! I love East Africa and Asia! I wanted to buy a bonsai tree, but they are way too expensive.

–5 Train

20-something, looking at Washington arch: There was something like this in France.

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: M

Guy on cell: I swear I didn't have sex with her when I was in Norway.

–Lower East Side

Posted on November 5, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, Blue-collar workers, Celebrations/Parties, Compare/Contrast, Global Geography, Guys, India Indians, Lower East Side, Moms, Money & Class, Old People, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Sex, Sorority Girls, Starbucks, Travel, Trees and plants, Washington Square Park, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Wednesday One-Liners Are the Root of All Evil

Elderly shopkeeper in the pouring rain: Hey! Hey, amigo! When you go home, don’t take shower. You save money on bills.

–Morgan & Flushing, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Erin Partridge

Hobo: Man, I need a hundred dollars. Gimme a hundred dollars! I need Viagra.

–13th & University

Overheard by: Daniel

Shrewd negotiator: You don’t gimme da money, you not gonna get da baby.

–Elevator, 26th & East River housing complex

Hobo to girl: Bitch, I don’t want your money! Do I look like I want your money? I don’t think so. You go and walk on. Bitch all be thinking I need her money. Why don’t you go and spend it on yourself?! Those heels are about to break. [lowers voice] Bitch be all wearin’ cheap heels and handin’ me money.

–50th & Park

Overheard by: Sara

Woman on cell: What?….Are you there??…We’ll take New York back, and you better give me my fucking money!

–W Broadway & Chambers

Overheard by: Let’s hope she was refering to Monopoly

Suit on cell: It’s like, “No, homeless person, you can’t have a quarter, I need money for resume paper.”

–Court & Joralemon

Overheard by: elmer

Girl, joining friend: Sorry I’m late. I just made $100 across the street.

–Post office, 14th & A

Posted on November 4, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, Money & Class, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary

Wednesday Will One-Liner Anything That Moves

50-something actress: I'm one of the founding sluts.

–Chelsea Studios

Overheard by: Joshy Sweetpants

Guy on cell: That's what I said: I fucked him, but I'm not attracted to him.

–81st & Columbus

Overheard by: Flooey

Adorable seven-year-old kid on bike: She liked it. Ashley liked it. Ashley's a whore.

–Havemeyer & 2nd, Williamsburg

Overheard by: Nathalie & Noah

Girl on cell: Well, I'm in a different place now. Now I'm a slut.

–W 4th & 6th Ave

Teenage girl on cell, beaming, as if she just had a revelation: Oh, I forgot you're a whore! (yelling triumphantly) You're a whore!

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Emilia

Posted on November 3, 2014
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Like Snowflakes, No Two Wednesday One-Liners Are Identical

Loud chick to male companion: And she sings when she orgasms! Like, "a-a-a-a-aaaah!" and "e-e-e-e-eeeeeee!"

–Downtown 1 Train

Overheard by: Ladle

Man outside Starbucks: Dude! I gave Sharon an orgasm over the phone last night. (laughs)

–Starbucks, 14th St

Overheard by: Elizabel

Subway musician: Y'all better be good 'cause Santa Claus only comes once a year. But that's between him and Mrs. Claus.

–W 4th St Subway Platform

Young man on cell: It looks like a 42-inch orgasm.

–Posman Books, Grand Central Terminal

Overheard by: ant

Hot chick to another: You're like the Mother Teresa of orgasms!

–1020 Bar, 110th & Broadway

Overheard by: Chuck Bass

Posted on October 31, 2014
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Bars & Clubs, Christianity, Compare/Contrast, Girls, Grand Central, Height, Laughter, Marriage, Men, Musicians, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Orgasm, Singing, Starbucks, Store, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Train Station, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners

There's No Wednesday One-Liners Like Show Wednesday One-Liners

Festering pedestrian: Well, he didn't mention my name at the Tonys, and for that I'll never forgive him.

–43rd St & 10th Ave

Overheard by: Ryan

Producer of an unsuccessful off-Broadway play: That's what this show makes me do. Everyday I get here and just squeeze my neck just like this, I just squeeze it. I don't do this anywhere else.

–Chelsea Theater

Overheard by: Kyle

Audience member to friend: Of course it sucks. It's Shakespeare.

—Macbeth Performance, Battery Park

Hipster guy: I think this play is by the same guy who wrote Ten Things I Hate about You

–NYCL Production of Shakespeare's Cymbeline, Central Park

Overheard by: digamma

Hipster girl: Last time I was in the third row, but I think I like these better. At least I won't get my head humped tonight.

—Hair Performance, Delacorte Theatre

Teenybopper at intermission: Joe Jonas would make such an incredible bodega guy!

–Richard Rodgers Theatre

Posted on October 31, 2014
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Battery Park, Body Parts, Central Park, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Compare/Contrast, Girls, Guys, Hipsters, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Names, Teens, Theater, Theater & Dance, Weirdness

Scrooge McDuck’s Wednesday One-Liners

Fashionista to another: It didn’t taste that good, but I really needed the money.

–Madison Ave

Overheard by: John Galt Jr.

Fashion student: The thing I can’t stand about fine arts is how obsessed with money it’s become… Yeah, so I’m leaving the program to study advertising.

–Whole Foods, Union Square

Overheard by: nova scotia

Security guard to another: I ain’t here for the money. I’m here for the fuckin’ prestige.

–Westminster Dog Show, Madison Square Garden

Overheard by: Amber Star

White chick on cell: Hi, honey! How are you? Are you being tickled by coins? Are you being tickled by coins?!

–LaGuardia Airport

Overheard by: mela

Guy on corner: Can you spare any change or frequent flyer miles?

–14th & 6th

Overheard by: Scientific

Frumpy lady to Joey Ramone lookalike: I’m feeling awfully constipated, baby! Constipated with money is the way I like to be!

–3rd Ave, Bay Ridge

Posted on October 31, 2014
Airports, All Wednesday One-Liners, Arts & Letters, At the Airport, Brooklyn, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Compare/Contrast, Default, Fashionistas, Girls, Guys, Health and Hygiene, Jobs & Careers, Madison Square Garden, Money & Class, Offers and requests, On Cell, Panhandling, Penn Station, Questions, Rich people, Security Guards, Store, Street, Students, Travel, Union Square and East Village, Upper East Side, Weirdness, White People, Women

How Much Is That Wednesday One-Liner in the Window?

50-something Long Island woman, showing pictures of her dog while talking non-stop about it: And this is Cici wearing a hat, she usually wears a hat when she goes out. And this is Cici, very drunk…

–LIRR

Overheard by: Adam Nathan

Guy on cell walking a tiny poodle: Dude! The dog did it again. (pause) No, I swear, dude. The. Dog. Did. It. Again. (pause) Dude! This dog talks. Talks.

–Broadway & 43rd St, Astoria

(little girl finishes petting a stranger's dog)
Girl's mother: Now say "thank you" to its human.

–Central Park Lawn

Hyper tween schoolgirl: Hey mom, remember when we brought the dog to the mall and he peed in a coconut?

–La Pallette, 12th St

Guy to friend: I love her more than anything, but something about the way her puppy's paws smell really seal it.

–Rosa's Pizza, Penn Station

Overheard by: Craig

Posted on October 31, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, Astoria, Central Park, Clothing, Drinking & Drunk People, Family Ties, Friends, Guys, Kids, Love, Man's Best Friend, Moms, On Cell, One-liners, Pee, Penn Station, Pictures, Restaurants & Cafes, Sensory Experiences, Trains Not Subway, Trees and plants, Tweens, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, West Village, Women

Wednesday One-liners Know the Facts of Life

Little girl: Keep your legs closed and your books open. My mommy says a girl can get a boyfriend and then she has to drop out of school.

–uptown A train

Woman: I ain’t gonna take that shit, a’ight! I’m gonna fuck that nigga ’til a nigga come outta me, a’ight!

–38th between 5th & 6th

Overheard by: Not That Nigga

Posted on October 31, 2014
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Education, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary

All Wednesday One-Liners